


You Love Me

by 230W49thSt



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt and Healing Pod, I bended canon to my will because this is voltron what do you expect me to do, Implied Sexual Content, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith Big Bang 2019, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, With A Twist, diplomatic mission, you can read keith as demisexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-04 16:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20474042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/230W49thSt/pseuds/230W49thSt
Summary: Lance and Keith wake up to find each other's names written on their hands - an Altean mark that bonds them as soulmates! It takes one month to determine the kind of relationship they will have with the mark changing accordingly.Voltron buddies? Friends? Lovers?However, Keith has a secret. He already has a heart next to Lance's name on his hand since day one... and things are a (1) mess.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> written for the keith big bang 2019
> 
> sadly, my artist dropped out so no art for this one.  
writing this thing was a wild ride for me, that's all i have to say at this point, lmao.  
enjoy!! and sleep well later!! :D

### Prologue

Allura’s search for allies in their war against the Galra was Voltron’s current priority number one which meant no fights, but mostly political discussions, talks over fancy dinners, and the occasional “Voltron show” marked the center of the Paladin’s daily lives in the vast space.

The bickering between Lance and Keith had been bad since day one but during the last few weeks, it got upgraded to a whole new level of bite. Maybe their momentary lack of missions was to blame, forcing the restless energy of the two paladins rather clash at each other than at enemy spaceships. Their usual harmless but annoying rivalry has reached other parts of their life in the Castle and started to affect everyone else around them.

Escalation number one happened two weeks ago during dinner when Keith praised Hunk’s new variant of food goo. Lance made a point of enjoying his best friend’s cooking even more by having another bowl filled with the purple mush. Long story short, it ended with Lance and Keith suffering from stomach aches for the next two days after having a tense eating contest that no one cared about but Keith and Lance. 

Allura was not amused, Shiro even less, and they had to cancel an important meeting with a people who might have become a strong ally in their war against Zarkon and the Galra. If one of the two called in sick, Voltron was still functional with Shiro or Allura covering Black or Blue, but with both Lance and Keith out of action, Red caught dust in the hangar since the lion listened to no one else but them.

Escalation number two only happened a few days ago. The boredom between political meetings ate everyone from the inside out but Keith and Lance were the only ones who filled the time by jumping at each other’s throats, especially on the training deck where the required physical contact brought even more tension to their daily fights. Thankfully for everyone though, there used to be two facts that kept the balance in this dangerous area.

Fact 1: Lance has never beat Keith in close-combat.

Fact 2: Keith has never let himself get provoked by Lance’s smack talk.

Those seemingly unchangeable facts got thrown out of the window on the fateful day Lance, a self-acclaimed simple boy from Cuba, managed to pin Keith, half Galra with insane fighting skills, down on the cold floor in front of their fellow Paladins and a very amused visitor Matt Holt. What was important to know about these two facts was how tight they were interwoven with each other. Maybe the consequences would have been different if Lance had just enjoyed his victory in silence instead of opening his mouth. But Lance being Lance couldn’t shut up if his life depended on it.

With fact 1 being suspended, fact 2 lost its power.

Whatever Lance whispered to Keith, hovering above him with a mischievous grin but strangely honest eyes, both breathing heavily from their previous hand-to-hand, prompted Keith to react in a way that crossed a new line between them.

He slapped Lance right in his face.

Not punched.

_ Slapped_.

Everyone gasped. Lance fell back on his butt, dumbfounded and stunned to silence. Keith bolted out of the room with a red face, followed by Shiro high on his heels. An intervention led by Shiro, Matt and Allura the same evening didn’t do much to solve the made situation. Both Lance and Keith claimed not to remember what Lance’s victorious words had been about which undoubtedly had been the reason for Keith’s rather violent response. Not even their friends were able to get a word out of them. Lance didn’t open up to Hunk or Pidge, and Keith only shook his head when Shiro asked to confide in him. Alas, half-assed apologies and a handshake were traded, but no one bought their shit, least of all Matt who almost felt personally offended about his incapability to get to the bottom of their mutual dislike… and proposed more drastic solutions - but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

After the storm had passed, the uneasy calm before the next one settled between the two Paladins. Lance avoided the training deck, Keith avoided the kitchen, and when they met in a hallway or during a briefing they ignored each other as best as they could.

The silence lasted two days. Because when Lance woke up in the morning of the third day, another storm had been summoned - one that would take both of them to quite the different shore.


	2. A New Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Lance and his irritating behavior when it comes to Keith Kogane or: "Buddy, what's there on your hand??"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith big bang and the first chapter features lance's pov and no keith at all? more likely than you think.

### A New Low

“Okay, that’s a new low, even for you, Kogane!” Lance shouted. With his long legs, he stormed through the Castle on his way to the kitchen. He almost stumbled over his own feet, his pride forbidding him to run or even jog, so he settled on a fast walk that made not only his calves hurt but also made him look like an overzealous idiot.

Lance didn’t care:

He was a man on a mission and said mission was to find Keith Kogane to confront him with the very childish behavior Lance had been subjected to after he’d woken up this morning. Oh, he's fuming, alright. After everything that had happened between them, this was now the icing on the cake and Lance wouldn't hesitate to throw the whole damn cake to the ground - their necessary Voltron bond to be damned. If Keith wanted to play nasty, oh, Lance could be the nastier child on the playground, he swore to himself.

Lance entered the kitchen surrounded by a cloud of his constant mumbling and cursing, his mind already coming up with things he wanted to throw against Keith - verbally and physically alike. He stopped right in his tracks when he found the kitchen as Kogane-less as the Paladin’s room and the training deck before. The Castle was big but usually, Keith was the easiest person to find… what made his absence only more suspicious of his dreadful act.

“Where is he?” Lance demanded to know and put his hands on his hips like the reincarnated inquisitor himself. “If you hide him, I’m gonna space court-martial you!” As strict as his voice might have sounded, his messy appearance didn’t help his case in front of a one-person-audience. His shirt was inside out, only one arm was pulled through the sleeve of his jacket and instead of shoes, he wore fluffy socks with mermaids on it. At least he hadn’t forgotten to put on some sweatpants. Pidge looked up from a bowl filled with green food goo, her tired eyes briefly glancing at her friend.

“You’re looking for the runway, supermodel?”

Lance scoffed and wiggled his arm until it slipped into the jacket’s sleeve.

“No. I need to find Keith.”

Pidge gave Lance a second more thorough look. His hair was messed up as if he’d just rolled out of bed, his face was slightly flushed from agitation and he was breathing hard. His eyes scanned nervously the otherwise empty room, searching for someone who wasn’t there. The Green Paladin slowly raised an eyebrow. Since she and Lance somehow had slipped into a sibling-like relationship they argued a lot with one another but it had also brought them closer together. Pidge missed Matt who was more with the rebels than with her, Lance missed his other siblings, nephew, and niece back on Earth.

“What is it, Pidge?” Lance asked and scratched his forehead impatiently, well knowing that she was about to make some kind of snarky remark about his appearance.

“You know what you look like?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure you’ll tell me.”

“As if you’ve had a fun night but--,” Pidge chuckled sleepily, “--your lover left in the morning and you just found out you’re pregnant.”

Lance’s jaw dropped.

“Are you-- you are--”

Pidge's grin only widened at his stammering. Defeating her with words wasn’t his strength but thankfully actions spoke louder. In a smooth move, he pulled off one of his fluffy socks and threw it across the room. Lance The Sharpshooter lived up to his name when the sock landed right in Pidge’s bowl, making green food goo splash all over her face and shirt.

“Urgh! Seriously?” Her disgusted face and the distinct wheels that started spinning behind her eyes made him already regret this act which he - without any doubt - would have to repay when he least expected it but that was a problem for future Lance. “Not cool!” Pidge got up to the sink and started cleaning herself, shooting Lance angry looks over her shoulder. It was too late for an apology so Lance huffed for good measure and pointed his finger at her - from a safe distance, of course.

“Keith isn’t my lover!”

“I never said that?” Pidge shouted and got back to cleaning herself. Lance frowned. She hadn't? Even if she hadn't mentioned Keith, she heavily implied it, right?? He felt the heat rising from his stomach up to his cheeks when his head came up with images of scenarios he really didn’t need to have stuck in his head, well, not outside the privacy of his room anyway: Keith and him, late at night, falling on Lance’s bed, clothes hastily getting thrown off, Lance pinning down Keith --

“This stuff is so sticky.”

Lance blinked fast.

“What?” he croaked, more to himself than to Pidge.

“I can’t get it out of my hair without shampoo. We really shouldn’t be eating that. My shirt’s ruined. Thank you, Lance, it’s a pleasure to have you onboard.”

“You’re welcome, Pidge,” he snapped back, glad she couldn’t see the blush on his cheeks that most definitely had reached the tips of his ears. “And-- and just for the record: Even if I were pregnant, Keith wouldn’t be the father!”

In that very moment, Hunk walked in.

_ Very slowly. _

His eyes flickered between the mess a flushed Lance presented to be and a Paladin that truly became one with the color green, trying to… well, trying to understand anything, really. He held both his hands up in surrender - an attempt to not become a target for whatever was happening between his friends in this early hour of the day.

“I heard things and I'm too scared to ask for context.” He narrowed his eyes to slits, a questioning look directed at Lance. “Please tell me there’s context. Please, please, please.”

“The context is Lance being an idiot,” Pidge noted dryly.

Lance didn’t acknowledge the insult. He swallowed down the unwelcomed feeling that had tried to stir up inside his stomach after Pidge’s remark about Keith. Or not Keith, according to her. Urgh, Lance’s brain was a mess. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before: ignoring this… _ thing. _

The _ Keith _thing.

_ His _Keith thing.

Okay, his _thing_ for _ Keith_, to be honest.

He’d done a masterful job in ignoring and slash or willfully misinterpreting his feelings until he made himself an absolute idiot when he ruined his victory on the training deck by telling Keith-- Nope. Noping and ignoring remained to be his best option. Anyway. Hunk was here, his best friend all across space! Everyone needed a partner in crime when a murder was inevitable, right? Happily, Lance clapped his hands together and hopped towards his friend.

“Hunk, my friend, my best buddy, my man.”

“Be careful or he’ll throw a stinky sock at your face,” Pidge warned him. Hunk’s gaze went down to the single fluffy blue sock on Lance’s foot but then Lance tilted his chin up with his finger.

“Hunk. We have a situation and I need you.”

Hunk hummed warily when Lance put his hands on his shoulder to keep him in place. His blue eyes shimmered with excited anticipation that Hunk always connected with the worst mischief Lance could come up with during their time at the Garrison. The fact that they were in space wouldn’t necessarily stop Lance from doing something incredibly stupid and Hunk braced himself for the worst.

“What do you want?” he asked.

The answer came promptly.

“Keith’s head on a plate and a super cleaner. I'm flexible on the order.”

Carefully and very slowly, Hunk wiggled out of Lance’s grip and slipped down on a chair at the table. Not having a thorough overview of the situation, he gave Pidge a side-glance but except a short and confused head shake, he got nothing back from her. They had to deal with Lance and Keith’s exhausting fights often enough but killing had never been a part of their shenanigans, fun or not.

“Okay, Lance,” Hunk sighed. “We both know that you want everything _but_ killing Keith.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

“Nothing, Lance.” Hunk heaved another defeated sigh. “Can I at least ask why before I help you to commit murder?”

Lance considered his answer for a second, then nodded.

“It’s an act of revenge. We can say it was a crime of passion! I feel very passionate right now.”

“Don’t you always…”

“But first,” Lance continued, “we have to find him. I'm gonna start here, Hunk, you take the bridge.”

“Lance, calm down a-- Wait. Do you have a rash?” Hunk’s eyes followed Lance’s right hand which his fellow Paladin swung back and forth as if he was trying to shake something off.

“No, it’s from the scrubbing,” Lance replied absentmindedly and he checked a nearby cupboard that was way too small for a person to crawl into. Then again, Keith was smaller than him and maybe--

“From the scrubbing? Lance?”

“Hey, who hid the cereals up here?” Lance turned around, pointing at a box of Choco Krispies. “This is insane, I was looking for them since--”

“Lance!” Hunk interrupted him sharply. “Elaborate! Scrubbing?”

“Scrubbing! Yes!” Lance parroted and closed the cupboard before he fell on his knees to check under the table. “It doesn’t go away! I tried every soap I could find. Hence, I need a super cleaner. Hey!” His head bumped against the surface. ”Maybe I'll find something in the junk Matt brought us from the rebel’s Galra ship raids!”

Hunk and Pidge exchanged a concerned look.

“We have no idea what you’re--”

Hunk’s words got stuck in his throat when Lance emerged from under the table and slammed his right hand down on the surface in front of his friends.

“THIS!”

There was a moment of silence when both Hunk and Pidge stared at the reddened skin. On the back of Lance’s hand were written five letters in a beautiful turquoise color. The light of the room reflected little hints of gold in the ink that shimmered like particles in a liquid. Five letters that formed one word.

“KEITH,” Pidge read aloud, then looked up at Lance. “I don’t get it.”

“Why did you write Keith on your hand?” Hunk asked.

“I didn’t! It was him!”

“Why would Keith write his name on your hand?” Pidge interjected. “To claim you as property? Oh, you wish, don’t you?”

“Funny,” Lance deadpanned... and desperately clung onto the anger he forced himself to feel. Because if he was honest with himself, then-- He pressed his lips together. Thank God he wasn’t honest with himself. Property of Keith Kogane didn’t sound too bad, especially in some situations he could definitely think of… but really shouldn’t think about right now.

“I don’t know, buddy,” Hunk scratched his head again. “Are you sure it was him?”

“He’s the only suspect.” Lance scooted closer to Pidge who leaned against the table next to Hunk and regarded her strangely. “So far. Or would you happen to know anything about it?”

“Yeah, because I got nothing better to do with my time. Oh wait,” she raised one finger to her chin, “-actually, I do have better things to do.” Lance retorted by sticking out his tongue.

“It’s nice ink, though, maybe from the rebels?” Hunk wondered aloud and let his fingers trace over the back of Lance’s hand. “Keith or not, whoever did this put some effort into it. Look! It doesn’t even smudge.”

“I told you it won’t come off!” Lance sighed in exasperation and ran his fingers through his hair, watching Hunk inspecting the word on his hand. “I need some serious space soap.”

“And that’s why you want his head on a plate? Do you even have any evidence that Keith is the perpetrator?”

Lance shook his head weakly and huffed, his voice lacking the power it had before. Sure, he and Keith hadn’t talked in the last few days, well, since the slap happened, but that only proved that Keith had enough time to come up with a plan, right? Something to infuriate Lance, something to remind Lance of his existence, something to make Lance get back to him because, oh hell, Lance needed a reason to be closer to him again and an attack is the easiest and quickest way to do so. Lance cleared his throat meaningfully.

“Someone,” he emphasized slowly, “had the audacity to sneak into my room in the middle of the night. Who else could’ve done it but Keith?”

“Your fixation on Keith will bring us all to the grave one day,” Pidge mumbled.

“Excuse me?! I don’t have a fixation on Keith! That’s just--”

“Calm down, Lance. Just ask him,” Hunk tried to intervene.

“I don’t have to ask, it was him.”

“Wishful thinking,” Pidge coughed.

“I heard that! Now come one, let's be unbiased here, Hunk,” Lance whined. “Who else would’ve done that?”

“Sounds like a thing Matt would do, if you ask me.”

“No one’s asking you, Pidge,” he hissed at her. “It’s Keith!”

“Lance, I swear, if you say his name one more time--”

“I CAN SAY HIS NAME AS OFTEN AS I WANT TO! Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith--”

“Dude, I said calm down,” Hunk said loudly and slammed his hand on the table. For a moment, it got calm and everyone stared at him in surprise, even Hunk himself looked rather confused by his own action. “Um, listen, Lance. You’re acting really weird and aggressive and that scares me. I’m gonna make some breakfast and you,” he pointed at Lance, “calm down.”

With sloped shoulders, Lance pushed himself up on the table with his feet dangling down. Hunk prepared some fresh food goo for them, even for Lance, and the three of them ate in silence. After a little while, Lance couldn’t stand the tense atmosphere any longer since it was obvious that Hunk waited for him to apologize. Being angry was exhausting and took more and more the toll out of him but somehow he found himself unable to get out of this vicious circle when it came to Keith. His heart beat fast in his chest and he tried to regulate his breathing like Hunk had told him to do whenever he found himself in a self-made deadlock. So Keith wrote his name on his hand. Probably. It sucked but he being upset about it was exactly the thing Keith wanted to achieve, right? And didn't it also mean that Keith still… cared about their rivalry? Cared about… him?

Lance put his spoon down. “I'm sorry, Pidge,” he sighed and gave her an apologizing grimace. “I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I got a bit… carried away.”

"Apology accepted but,” Pidge raised a finger at Lance, “you’ll clean my lion next time. What reminds me to tell you two that something came up at the rebel station and Matt had to leave a few hours ago, basically in the middle of the night. Shiro went with him… to no one’s surprise. They’ll be out of range for a while, two months tops. Which means Keith will take over Black again and you switch to Red as before. Allura’s already looking forward to piloting Blue again for our next show.”

Lance groaned and buried his face in his hands. Perfect timing.

“Great. There goes Keith’s leash.”

“Lance.”

“Sorry, it's just-- “ He rubbed his hands across his face. “First, he slapped me, then he--”

“Is this still about the slap? I thought you two cleared that up.” Hunk leaned towards Lance and made his friend stoop under Hunk’s angry stare. Lance regretted his slip-up in an instant. Leave it to Hunk to latch onto the thing this was really about, the thing that had changed the situation between him and Keith within the blink of an eye.

“Well…” Lance searched his mind for some kind of made-up explanation but Hunk was quicker.

“I thought you insulted him somehow--”

“What you still refuse to tell us about,” Pidge chimed in.

“-- he overreacted, or whatever--”

“What a slap that was!”

“--and you both took the blame and moved on.”

Lance scratched the back of his head to buy himself some time. They weren’t wrong. Keith and Lance rarely saw eye to eye in front of the others but somehow they had both agreed to go along with this story, no talk needed. Lance’s “provocation” was too shameful for both of them and Keith’s reaction with a slap at Lance’s face - proof of how much it had affected Keith - only made it worse for an outsider. Or both of them, for that matter. So no talking. To others or each other. Better to forget. Only, Lance had a hard time to forget it and he secretly hoped that Keith had the same problem.

“Hunk has a point,” Pidge continued and pulled Lance out of his thoughts, “you two mess with our mood, too. Doesn’t it get boring, the fighting?”

Usually, Lance would fall into an elaborated answer about Keith’s high level of annoyance and how his bad hairstyle had the ability to fail their missions but truth to be told, he didn’t feel much like it lately: To fight with Keith and to pretend he was still burning to do so. Sure, he was a bit annoyed by the name written on his hand. Then again. He was not.

Their relationship was built on bricks and stones they had thrown against each other and despite their camaraderie through Voltron and a common cause, they always got back to the safety their fights and arguments provided them. Because otherwise, Lance would have to deal with the meaning of the things that were slowly filling the space on top of those bricks and stones: a layer of friendship, of quiet talks when no one was watching, of joined laughter in the swimming pool, of both of them playing with one of Pidge's robots and hiding snickering when it suddenly ran wild through the Castle.

The alleged “insult” he had whispered to Keith pinned down under him during the training session was only the beginning of something new inside of him he’d refused to see so far - except the few glances he allowed himself to indulge in alone in his room late at night. It was one thing that it had come to light when he had stared down at Keith after his victory and couldn’t shut his mouth. Though the even more shocking truth that had followed and neither of them wanted to admit was the fact that Keith had been perfectly aware of it… and had rejected him. Brutally.

“I just can’t help myself,” Lance mumbled and tried to strip off his other sock using only his feet. As soon as Keith was around him, something in his brain seemed to short-circuit and his focus was to get his attention, whatever the cost, even to a fault that might endanger their missions. Voltron needed both of them. And defending the universe was so much bigger than…

Lance looked at his hand. Turquoise letters forming a name that kept making his heart racing.

Defending the universe was so much bigger than… his goddamn all-consuming crush on Keith Kogane that kept getting out of hand more and more with every passing day.

Lance sighed and rested his eyes on Hunk in some form of a silent plea for help. Because that’s what he needed. Help to get his feelings under control that seemed to be chained to a rollercoaster with a mullet lately.

“It’ll be fine, Lance,” Hunk assured him. Sometimes Lance wondered how much Hunk was able to read in him. Then again, he didn’t want to know.

“Just talk to him. A proper talk this time. Eye to eye, you know? No jokes, be serious for once. You two need a heart-to-heart or otherwise, not only you will suffer but the rest of Voltron as well.”

Lance looked at the ink on his hand again. A heart-to-heart with Keith. Huh.

“Yeah, you’re probably--"

A startled scream interrupted their talk and made the three Paladins turn around. Allura had appeared in the doorframe, covering her eyes with her hands. Quickly, Lance pulled up his feet on the table

“Is it a spider?” he asked, his eyes flickering in panic through the room.

“Because covering your eyes is the best way to avoid spiders, sure, Lance,” Pidge snorted.

“What’s wrong, Princess?” Hunk asked with concern.

Carefully, Allura spread her fingers and took a quick glimpse through the gap.

“Please cover yourself, Lance,” she pressed out with a strained voice and turned around to face the door, her hands coming down to nervously shake next to her body.

“I-- what?” Lance looked down at himself. Jacket, shirt, sweatpants, not even hanging that low, mind you. A blush spread across his face. Okay, he only wore one sock but sometimes he walked barefoot through the Castle and that had never been a problem before. “I am-- covered. The important Lance parts are definitely, um, fully covered.”

Allura shot a glance over her shoulder only to face away again. “No, they’re not,” she insisted.

Hunk and Pidge communicated wordlessly with each other, then stared back at Allura as if she was seeing ghosts.

“Princess, what should he cover?” Pidge asked cautiously. “His face maybe?”

“Rude, Pidge!”

Allura’s hand shot up to point at the back of her other hand.

“His hand. He has a mark. Don’t you see it?”

For a moment, there was silence in the room.

“A what?” Lance let himself slide down the table and glanced again at the name on his hand that said _Keith._

“A mark!” Allura repeated with some bite in her voice. “A name!”

“Oh, that,” Lance laughed bitterly. “That’s just a stupid joke from Keith. He wrote his name on my hand.”

“Please, Lance. Cover it.”

Lance looked at his friends for some advice but he didn’t get more than two confused shrugs.

“Um, alright?” Lance put his hand into the pocket of his jacket. “Done.”

With some hesitation, Allura turned back around and exhaled with relief when she noticed Lance had told the truth.

“Thank you.” A nervous giggle escaped her lips. Lance didn’t know Alteans had the ability to blush that much but somehow Allura managed to look like the most embarrassed person alive. “I didn’t mean to look but you can hardly blame me when you’re so careless, now can you?”

Three pairs of tired eyes hang on her lips in anticipation of an explanation for the weird behavior she was displaying. It was only breakfast time and way too early for Altean behavior no one knew how to react to. Like in slow-motion Allura’s eyes widened when her mistake began to dawn on her.

“You-- you don’t know what a mark is.” Her eyes focused on Lance who felt weirdly stripped by the intensity of her look. If he hadn’t felt naked before, he surely did now. “Of course not, how would you,” she mumbled and put her hand on her heart, her voice soft as she was staring at the Paladin as if he was a little puppy. “Please, Lance, take a seat. Pidge, Hunk, would you please give us some space? Alone?” For a moment, she lingered at the door, a sad smile hushing across her face. “I better get Coran. You should get an explanation from someone who has a mark like you.”

~~

“I have a soulmark?”

“In colloquial speech, yes. There’s a very long Altean word for it which translates to ‘the mark on your skin that helps to identify and to designate your soulmate’. Its abbreviation is the Altean word for trash can so obviously it never quite caught on.”

They sat around the kitchen table, Coran on the short end, Lance next to him with Allura on his other side. A cup of tea had been placed in front of him but he didn’t feel like it, no matter how much the foreign herbs in the drink might help him to calm his nerves. Coran put a soothing arm around Lance’s shoulder and shook him gently like a proud uncle. Lance couldn’t help himself but stiffen in this half-embrace, his right hand still hidden in the pocket of his jacket.

“I know it’s a lot to take in.”

“Yeah… ”

Meanwhile, Allura was trying very hard to hide her excitement but did an incredibly poor job. She was thrilled to see a part of her lost culture alive in him and who could blame her for being happy about it.

“As Coran said,” she explained, “the mark gives you the name of the person you’ll share your life with. It’s always been rather rare and special, only every fifth Altean was blessed with a mark like that. So, of course, it’s always an occasion for a huge celebration!” A fire started burning in her eyes as she gripped Lance’s upper arm. “Maybe we can get some balloons and some decoration, Hunk could cook--” Allura’s excited rant stopped when she caught Coran’s eyes who slowly shook his head with a meaningful side glance to Lance. With his left hand thrown over his head, Lance tried to wrap his mind about the input he’s got a few minutes ago, looking like a small pile of misery.

Apparently, marks like that were quite the thing in the corner of the galaxy Altea used to exist. Not only Alteans had them, although they had the most beautiful ones matching the color on Lance’s hand, but other species as well. Since it definitely wasn’t a thing with humans, Coran suggested it might have something to do with their shared bond via Voltron and the constant exposure to quintessence. Lance wasn’t convinced.

“So what, my-- my soul is bonded to his?” he asked agitatedly and tried to keep his nervously twitching right hand hidden in his pocket. “As far as I can tell, and I can tell, believe me, he doesn’t even have a soul! How do you even know it’s real if you don't take a look at it? Maybe run some tests? Examine me!”

“I saw it,” Allura said calmly, “I saw the characteristic turquoise color and, well, the name. There’s no mistake.”

“It’s just ink,” Lance insisted. “There has to be a way to wash it off!” He was about to withdraw his hand from the jacket but Allura’s second screech and Coran’s nervous laughter in combination with a very firm grip on his wrist held him back.

“We don’t show the mark during the Findupha,” Coran stated matter-of-factly.

"Gesundheit?"

“Oh no, it’s a dialect of an old Altean word which means… huh.” He shot Allura a helpless look. “I wouldn’t know how to translate it without teaching him the basics of the Altean language and the Kaltori alphabet. The Hirunda numeral system would be helpful too because, ha, we all know Kaltoranse depends on the-- ”

“Oh God,” Lance pressed his hand against his forehead and the pained expression made Coran stop in his digression. “I already forgot the Altean word for Thank You, how am I supposed to learn all this stuff?”

Allura put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll keep it simple, right Coran?” she said with a strained voice. “Findupha. This word describes the time it takes until your mark takes its final shape and reveals the type of bond you will have with your soulmate. After that, it’s common to show the mark to others. Most people have a bonding ceremony when the final shape appeared. Oh, one of my best friends had one and we flew to--”

Coran coughed and squinted his eyes.

“Ohhh, I’m sorry, I got ahead of myself again, sorry!” Allura apologized quickly. “I didn’t mean to-- you know. It’s just a tradition, you don’t have to do anything about it… I guess.”

“Hang on,” Lance said bleakly, “you mean like a marriage?” For a moment, Lance thought his life flashed before his eyes. He’d only just accepted that his feelings for Keith went deeper than friendship and he made an active effort to not let slip out any (more) flirtatious lines but that didn't mean that-- nope. Emergency brake. “I’m not gonna marry Keith,” he gasped. “Nope, not gonna happen. No, no, no!”

“Princess, stop scaring the boy. Lance,” Coran said and reassuringly patted Lance’s arm. “For now, all you have is a name. And, if you’re very lucky, Keith has your name on your hand as well.”

“I don’t think that would make me lucky,” Lance sighed. “It would put me in mortal danger for the rest of my life. I’m just gonna, yeah, I’m gonna put a patch on it, or I get it covered by a tattoo! Yes! We pretend it’s not there and I’m good, right?”

Coran shook his head.

“That won’t work, Lance. And you shouldn’t wish for Keith to not have your name. I’ve witnessed some rare one-sided bonds and it was soul-crushing. To have a name on your hand the other person doesn’t… Or a mismatched bond where the final marks don’t match each other… ” He took a deep breath. “To have a one-sided bond or a mismatched bond is worse than getting parted from your soulmate through an early death. Honestly, Lance. That’s something I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy. And you, you’re so--”

“I’m what?”

“Energetic, young one. You have so much love to give and Keith can consider himself lucky already. It would be tragic if he wasn’t able to reciprocate your feelings the way you do. If he didn’t need you in his life the same as you did. Oh, I read novellas about it when--”

“Oh great, Coran, now who’s the scary one?” Allura stopped him and they began a discussion about Altean short stories dealing with star-crossed bonds. Lance barely listened. So this was his life now? His fate? Either he had a one-sided or mismatched bond with Keith and was doomed to unfulfillment, unhappiness, and pain or he had a real bond with him and… and what? Be… happy? With Keith?

Someone behind him coughed.

Lance’s heart stopped.

Allura and Coran went silent.

“Heard you have my name on your hand.”


	3. A Private Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance learn about the soulmarks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....keith's pov from now on.

### A Private Conversation

Everyone’s head turned around. 

Keith stood in the doorframe, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and looked unlike Lance like his usual awake self. He rolled his eyes to express the great pain it brought him to enter the room and sat down opposite of Lance.

“Have you been eavesdropping on a private conversation?” Lance bellowed. “This is something between me and myself and--”

“You have my name on your hand, I think I deserve to know what all the fuss is about.”

The truth was, yes, he had been listening for a while now because Hunk and Pidge had cornered him a few minutes ago in a frenzy, asking him weird questions about some mark on his hand and Keith, well, he dismissed them immediately and hurried to the kitchen with a feeling of dread and anticipation in his stomach.

“It’s nothing, Keith, nothing for you to care about, okay?” Lance hissed. “Now leave and go back to your training robots and knives and, and--” 

Keith ran his fingers through his black hair. For a hot second, he considered to let him talk and then leave again. Do just what Lance had proposed a few minutes ago: to pretend this wasn’t a thing. His eyes caught those of the Paladin in front of him and Lance stopped talking. He looked as upset as Keith felt inside and somehow, that made him feel a little bit braver. 

“It’s not one-sided, Lance.”

A tense silence fell over the room. Both Coran’s and Allura’s faces lit up with happiness and excitement and Keith didn’t dare to keep eye contact with Lance any longer. From the corner of his eyes though, he tried to watch him. Lance’s face went blank before other emotions made an appearance, mostly confusion and anxiety but also… relief?

“Wha- what?” Lance stammered but got interrupted by Coran, smiling brightly.

“Oh, this perfect.”

“H-- How... ?” 

It was weird to see Lance at a loss for words. Meanwhile, Keith himself endured the whole situation as if he had an out-of-body experience. Nothing felt real, everything was a fever dream. It _ had _to be.

“This is the least perfect thing ever happening to me and I won’t accept this,” Lance complained after a few deep breaths to compose himself as best as possible.

“I don’t think we have a choice here.”

“Nope, I’m just gonna-- leave--”

“Lance,” Keith groaned. “Can you at least try not to make it harder than it already is and listen to what Coran and Allura can tell us about these… things? It might help us.”

Angry eyes stared at him but Keith returned the look with the same stubborn force… which made something snap in Lance.

“You’re happy about our new bonding moment, aren’t you?” Lance shouted and threw his left arm up in the air. “You won, okay? Finally something I won’t forget. I bet you’re all excited about this to happen, right? The ultimate revenge, isn’t it?”

“Lance!” Allura snapped at him.

“He always has to one-up me with everything and now even the universe is on his side! It’s like you planned the entire thing.” Lance squinted his eyes. “Maybe you did.” Keith smashed his flat hands forcefully on the table, his head leaning forward to stare deeper into Lance’s eyes.

“I was here to talk like a normal person but you know what? Fuck you, Lance, fuck you very much.”

“Keith!”

“What?” he hissed at Allura. “It’s not like I woke up this morning and thought hey, let’s bind the only soul I have to the biggest douchebag on board.”

“What are you gonna do?” Lance challenged him. “Slap my soul out of my body?” Keith huffed in astonishment, his eyes going wide to emphasize his mocking words. 

“Wow, that’s bold coming from you. I'm the one trying to have a civilized conversation about this whole issue but you’re just… impossible!” He threw his hands up in the air. “It’s infuriating! No, you’re infuriating!”

“Guys,” Allura tried to intervene but it was a helpless situation.

“Speaking of impossible: You know what?” Lance leaned on the table towards Keith and pointed at him as if he’d just found the last glimmer of hope to get out of this situation. “I don’t even believe you.”

Keith let himself fall back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. A fire burned in his eyes as he stared down Lance who began to crumble under his intense look. 

“Show me yours first and maybe I’ll show you mine.” He really shouldn’t enjoy the flush on Lance’s face that much, perfectly aware the words also caused a light blush on his own face but it was so worth it to see Lance’s face falling.

“No, no one shows their marks!” Coran begged, fortunately not understanding the innuendo, but Lance didn’t pay his nervous gestures any attention. He withdrew his right hand from his pocket and slammed it flat on the table, causing both Coran and Allura to cover their eyes. 

“Please, be quick about it,” Allura whispered.

Keith’s expression changed when his eyes took in his name on the back of Lance’s hand. His fingers under the table twitched with the desire to touch the beautiful ink. There was no mistake about it. Lance was bound to him. Five letters, his name… He tried to keep his emotions sealed off but some parts slipped through and got caught by Lance. 

“Disappointed?” Lance asked quietly. Keith swallowed. Yes, he was, but not for the reason Lance suspected. Only when Lance cleared his throat, Keith’s eyes darted up again. With an annoyed look, Lance nodded at his hand, a clear demand for Keith to show his mark. Slowly, the Paladin put his left hand on the table next to Lance’s.

“Different gloves?” Lance asked suspiciously. The black ones he usually wore had a small gap that showed some skin at the back of his hand. These new ones fully covered his hand. Instead of replying Keith pushed the material of his glove slightly to the side. Lance leaned forward to look with much curiosity at the skin that appeared under the glove.

Turquoise letters. Golden particles.

L A N C --

“Just pull that damn glove off, I wanna see it completely.”

Keith nodded towards the hand. “It says _Lance._”

“You sure it doesn’t say Lancel? Lanco? Lancardo?”

Keith grunted and pushed the glove back in place, hiding the letters, trying to ignore the wave of heat reaching his cheeks and the nauseous feeling in his stomach.

“It says your name, Lance. I can read.”

For a moment, they stared at each other, half in frustration, half in something entirely new, but only the sparks of vulnerability that shone through their eyes were visible to both of them. The rest was too vague to guess. 

Bonded. For life.

Soulmates. 

How did you move on from that?

“Are you done?” Coran broke the silence along with their eye contact. Lance put his hand back into his pocket.

“Yes. So what now? I’m bonded to-- to mullet here. What comes next?” Keith felt deflated, having the air get knocked out of his lungs, and Lance looked just the same. Coran smiled at them fondly.

“This is only the beginning of a journey that will lead you Bob knows where. You’re blessed with a lifelong bond. This can be everything. My aunt had a bond with her neighbor just because they lived next to each other all their lives, asking each other for sugar or eggs. It was beautiful.” Lance laughed nervously.

“We’re not exactly sugar and eggs, Coran. We’re more like knives and guns.”

“I suppose you claim guns?” Keith asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course!”

Keith scoffed. “Sugar suited you better.” Lance gasped, the blush on his cheeks getting more prominent again, and only the sickeningly happy sigh from Allura made Keith realize what he had implied. Oh dear. “Because you’re bad for teeth,” he added quickly, “and-- and make my stomach hurt.” Okay, this was awkward and Keith wondered if he could program a training robot to throw him out of an airlock.

“A-- anyway,” Lance steered the conversation away from that sugar topic, “Coran? Allura said you… had a bond?”

“I have.” Coran glanced at the Princess who gave him a warm and reassuring nod. He exhaled and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, they were watery but despite the sadness in his face, he smiled fondly. “I’m bonded to King Alfor.”

Silence.

“You’re still bonded?”

“A bond doesn’t end with death, Lance.”

“That means me killing Keith wouldn’t get rid of-- ouch!” Reprimanded by Allura’s piercing look and Keith’s kick against his shin, Lance stopped talking.

“No,” Coran continued, “even if one of you dies, the bond remains.” More tears sparkled in Coran’s eyes but he didn’t comment on his own emotions. Keith felt sick in his stomach, not knowing what to do, especially not when Coran kept talking. "We barely had the chance to say goodbye. He had just put Allura into the cryopod when I found him in the Castle, ready to join him into battle.” He swallowed. “And the inevitable death. But he told me… He said he couldn’t fight if I wasn’t safe. We… argued. I didn’t want to leave him. But then the battle got closer, Zarkon’s people entered the Castle and… I let Alfor push me into a pod. We… had less than a minute to say goodbye. It wasn’t enough and it won’t ever be enough but at least… we had a chance.” Coran took a deep breath. “And when you woke us up on Arus, I knew he was gone before I even opened my eyes.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Lance.” Keith’s voice was soft when he looked at his fellow Paladin and shook his head to warn him again.

“Ah shit, I’m sorry, Coran,” Lance whispered.

Coran didn’t answer but his silence was answer enough. According to Allura’s facial expression, she was also very sensitive to this topic and when she quietly took Coran’s hand across the table, the two boys exchanged a helpless look. Keith cleared his throat to get their attention back. 

“Um. What are we supposed to do now?” 

“Yeah, are there any rules for the… bonding time?” Lance asked and Keith was surprised by the genuine interest in his voice. 

“You spend time together,” Allura jumped in, her face brighter as before. “It helps the mark to, how would you say, calibrate? Otherwise, everything stays the same. Of course, your relationship with each other might change. You'll know it in which way when the bond is fully formed.”

“How do we know when that happened?”

“Yeah,” Lance added, “and how long will it take? I wanna know if I'm guns or sugar.” The playful wink directed at Keith came unexpectedly. Only with much power Keith managed to roll his eyes instead of being dumbfounded for too long. 

“It’s always different,” Coran elaborated. “First of all, you will feel it. Maybe you feel it already, there surely is something in the air between you two.” He winked exaggeratedly, causing both Keith and Lance to sink deeper into their seats. Keith bit his lip to suppress a grin - Lance undoubtedly regretted his wink a few seconds ago. “Then it will show on your mark. It will change. Maybe the color will be different or it will add something that makes it clear for you to see. Some marks even change their location on your bodies. You will know. I will calculate later how long it will take exactly. It might be different with humans and half-Galra than with Alteans.”

“Maybe it’s nothing though,” Lance proposed quietly and Keith wished this simple sentence wouldn’t hurt him that much. “Maybe it’s just a mistake.”

Allura sighed. “I know this is a lot to take in but if it proves anything then how well you two work together in Voltron.” Her words were sprinkled with some assurance neither of them could accept at this point. “Some people went lengths to get marks like that, even faked to have ones with special long-lasting ink from the black market. You should be happy. It’s considered a great honor and gift.”

“If you have any questions, you can always ask us. I’m gonna try to find out if we have some books and papers about it in the library.”

“Great,” Keith said and got up, eager to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. “If that’s all, I’m gonna hit the training deck.” He closed his eyes, thinking about Lance’s words. _ Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just a mistake. _ “This is just a usual day,” he said quietly.

“Yeah,” Lance agreed, “this doesn’t change anything.”

For a brief moment, Keith and Lance locked eyes with each other.

Both of them lied. Both of them knew it. It had changed everything and the secret Keith was still hiding was proof enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wonder about the origin of the word "findupha": its origin is the german word "Findungsphase" which i used as a placeholder because i just couldn't come up with a fake altean word. Findungsphase means something like "identification stage/period" and at one point i got so desperate that i just kinda shortened it, lol.


	4. A Usual Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith likes to eavesdrop on people's conversations, comes to a conclusion about his bond with Lance, and has a talk with his _soulmate_, ew.

### A Usual Day

As it turned out, it was indeed almost like any other day, at least for Keith.

Soon the entire Castle knew about Keith’s and Lance’s bond but to Keith’s relief, no one had talked to him about it yet. Since he was known to be the most uncommunicative and closed-off person of the team, it went without saying that they had to address Lance if they wanted to know something about the bonding marks. Keith told himself he didn’t mind. No one could help him anyway and he could definitely pass on getting teased or being joked about.

The training deck brought him some distraction to get through the next few hours and a long shower calmed him enough that the urge to jump into his lion and run away wasn’t the only solution his mind provided him with anymore. Endless sleep was another good idea.

When he entered his room again, fully dressed in fresh clothes, his hair still damp, he allowed himself a few minutes to let it all sink in.

His soul, his own fucking soul, was bonded to someone else’s soul. How was that even possible? Not only biologically, physically but also… who had made the decision for it to be him and Lance? Destined to be together? Forever? 

That was absurd. 

People have never stayed in his life longer than absolutely necessary - if they had even stayed that long, ha! - and a shiny word written on his skin won’t change this elementary fact. Shiro was the only exception so far and it had taken years to accept that he wasn’t gonna drop him like a hot potato.

Speaking of Shiro. Keith’s second impulse was to contact him - Shiro would know what to do or at least give him some advice that probably wouldn’t be very helpful but calm him down but his attempts to call failed. 

“Stupid rebel missions,” he grunted and threw his communicator on his bed just to flop down next to it. “Always out of range.” Keith missed his friend, especially now in this very weird and new situation which, according to Coran and Allura, seemed to be a life-changing event, and he wished to talk to him. Opening up to Shiro had been a long process and only his friend knew how to apply the right amount of pressure on him to make him talk, to bring him over the edge of fear to talk about what mattered to him and, most importantly, to catch him during his fall. In this moment, Keith desperately wanted to throw himself over that edge all by himself if someone talked him through his emotions and made some sense out of it. He turned himself around to lay on his back and rubbed his face with his hands, followed by another annoyed grunt. 

Shiro was gone often lately. A rebel’s mission? Sign him up. However, the thought of Shiro’s happy face whenever Matt showed up on a screen, asking for help, brought a smile out of Keith. He had stopped questioning if every mission required Shiro’s help because he already knew the answer. And the more practical thing about the original leader of Voltron being head over heels for one of the elite rebel fighters was that the Castle was provided with lots of interesting junk and goodies the rebels kept finding in raided Galra ships. Keith held up his hands in front of his face. Like these new fingerless gloves, for example, hiding something so absurd Keith couldn’t even look at when he had taken a shower earlier.

His soul was bonded to Lance McClain. 

A boy who was able to crawl deep under his skin and do all kinds of things there. Making him snap, making him do rash decisions, frustrate him to an amount he hadn’t thought was possible, making him throw him across the training deck.

Keith closed his eyes and exhaled.

Making him feel seen and accepted, making him laugh, making his heart doing weird things. 

Making him slap his face because--

_ Crack. _

“Keith, dinner’s ready, you’re coming?” Hunk voice sounded through the com at the headboard of his bed.

Keith considered lying, to tell him he wasn’t hungry and went to bed early but he dismissed the idea right away. _ This is just a usual day, _ he had told Lance under the eyes of Coran and Allura, and now he had to stick to it. Any other behavior would contradict his proud words and he couldn’t have that. He still regretted his choice of words though but that didn’t mean they hadn’t been necessary. Pushing away people who might come close to him only to lose them later was a defense mechanism he had adapted from an early age. And since Lance proposed it was probably nothing between them, he didn’t want to wish for something that might not happen: having a relationship that lasted, no matter of what kind.

“Thanks, Hunk,” Keith replied belatedly and got out of bed.

As it turned out, Keith had been worried about nothing. When he entered the kitchen, the others were already seated and filling up their plates.

Everyone except Lance and Coran.

Busy with an ongoing discussion about Altean customs, no one explained their absence and Keith didn’t want to ask._ Just a usual day, _ he repeated for himself and dug into the mushy food. He shut out the surrounding voices and let his mind drift off to Lance. Why wasn’t he here? Was he doing the exact thing Keith had wanted to do? Hiding in his room? Knowing Lance for some time now, he was probably freaking out. Keith contemplated visiting him, just to check in if he was okay - since he was the current leader of Voltron in Shiro's absence - but then he remembered Coran was probably with him. And having to see the face of the guy he was forced to stay with for his whole life was probably something Lance wouldn’t be happy about. For all Keith knew, Lance had imagined a situation like this quite differently. Sure, they didn't know what kind of bond they would have. 

Knives and guns, sugar and eggs. Keith stared at the empty plate in front of him. 

Paladin and Paladin? Friend and friend? Lover and lover? 

Rival and hopeless lover? 

“Hey, you want some more?” Hunk interrupted his thoughts by tipping against his plate. 

Keith shook his head. “No, thanks. I’ve got things to do.” He was about to push back his chair and leave when he felt the other’s eyes on him.

“So Keith,” Pidge said with much-suppressed curiosity, “how’s it going?”

“How’s what going?” he bit back, knowing exactly what she was talking about but he wasn’t in the mood to indulge her. She leaned forward and pointed at her hand. 

“Having a bond with Loverboy? I mean, let’s be real, you two are already glued together for like months now so do you even feel a change? Any Lance tinglings? Any weird obnoxious habits trying to break through?”

Before Keith could come up with an answer, Allura came to his rescue.

“Pidge, we don’t ask about the mark or the bond, that’s rude.” 

“Oh, come on, I managed to shut up about it for the last ten minutes. So how do you feel?”

Keith’s eyes nervously scanned the three people at the table that stared at him and waited for an answer, even Allura couldn’t hide her curiosity anymore.

“Dude,” Hunk said calmly, probably alarmed by Keith’s expression, “if you ever want to talk about anything, you know, with Shiro gone? I’m--” 

“I’m fine, it’s all fine,” Keith said stubbornly. “Nothing changed between Lance and me, okay? And nothing will change. This whole… soulmark thing is stupid and--”

“Excuse me, soulmarks aren’t stupid, Keith,” Allura interrupted him harshly, “they are part of my culture and we treat this tradition with the honor it deserves. Soulmarks are sacred, you don’t get to talk about them as if they don’t matter.”

“Yeah? Well, let’s talk about this again when you have a soulmark, okay, and then you can tell me how fucking great it is to be bonded to some random guy that hates you but before that, I don’t think you’re equipped to judge how I feel about it.”

Both Hunk and Pidge gasped. Allura, on the other hand, didn’t get that calm. Without breaking eye contact, she rose slowly from her chair and walked around the table towards Keith. They stared at each other for a moment, then she put a hand on his shoulder.

“Tell yourself whatever you want but don’t ever offend Altean customs again unless you really want to get to know me.” The pressure of her hand increased drastically. “Or offend Lance and your relationship with him. He doesn't hate you. He’s not some random guy, to none of us, including you, understood?” Keith swallowed. She looked taller than usual and a dangerous aura surrounded her.

“Understood,” he said bleakly.

“Good.”

~~

The evening was still young when Keith was on his way to the storeroom, lost in his thoughts again. He hadn’t meant to piss off Allura a few hours ago, it just kind of happened. Acknowledging this new reality of having a soulmark also meant to acknowledge his feelings for Lance… and he couldn’t shake off Coran’s words about the pain of one-sided or mismatched bonds.

He blew out a long breath and scratched the back of his hand over his glove. All lying on his bed had put him into a weird mood. He hadn’t seen Lance since breakfast and didn’t know what to make of it, hence the storeroom. Maybe he’d find some sort of cleaner to get rid of his problems, he joked to himself and wondered if Lance might have done the same. Maybe he’d even found him there, scrubbing the mark off his skin. It would certainly be a Lance thing to do and the thought of it made him smile fondly. 

Gosh, he thought and shook his head to get rid of the smile. This wasn’t good, nothing about this situation was any good.

His determined walk through the hallway got slowed down by the sound of familiar voices coming from the nearby cryopod-room. Usually, he wasn’t one to eavesdrop but apparently, today he was on a roll.

“Okay… I have another question. Isn’t 30 days an awfully short time to determine the soulbond?” he heard Lance’s voice asking.

“Oh, no!" Coran answered. "Before a soulmark appears, the foundation of the relationship is already set in stone. Only during the Findupha, it takes its final shape. Listen, number three, those markings don’t appear randomly. You told me about the tradition of tattoos on Earth: see it like that. You and your friend decide to get a, what did you call it?”

“A couple or friendship tattoo.”

“Yes, just like that. Because you want to show your bond to the world and be reminded of it by something physical. The marks, they’re like that, only the physical form is one tiny step ahead of you.”

“You mean the mark already knows how my relationship to Keith will be like?”

“Now you got it! You and Keith have a bond. And something deep inside you already knows the shape it will take even though you might not be fully aware of it yet. Simple as that.”

Keith leaned his back and head against the wall. 

They already knew? There was nothing to influence or change anymore? 

He closed his eyes, waiting for Lance to keep talking, but apparently, he also needed a moment to comprehend Coran’s words. Slowly, Keith let himself slide down on the wall until he sat down on the cold floor. He knew what his mark looked like, what it said and what it implied. What he felt was a different topic though. He liked Lance, even when they fought, even when they yelled at each other, no matter how messed up their relationship tended to become sometimes. But did his feelings match the mark on his skin? Maybe it was just like Lance had said: a mistake.

“You humans have to trust yourselves more when it comes to your feelings,” Coran continued, probably prompted by whatever expression lingered on Lance’s face. “It’s okay to be a bit afraid. I admit I was anxious, too. King Alfor, well, he wasn’t a king back then… After it appeared, it took all my courage to walk up to him one evening and tell him about it. We then showed us our marks.”

“How-- how was that?”

“Intense.”

The silence in the room was so thick, Keith could feel it even from his hiding place.

“You loved him, didn’t you?” Lance said after a while.

“I still do.”

“Yeah, I know, I mean--”

“Allura’s mother, Melenor, was in the picture as well. She loved Alfor and Alfor loved her and they were about to get married.”

“I don’t understand, why did he marry _ her _when you were-- are soulmates?”

Coran laughed. “Oh, you humans. Marriage is the bond for people without a mutual soulmark. We didn't need to get married, we already were as close as can be.”

“So you two were like-- um... What kind of bond did-- do you have? I mean, um, did Alfor… ”

“Our marks matched, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“He loved you back, then.”

“He does.”

Lance hummed. “Coran.”

“Yes?”

“What if Keith and I don’t feel the same about each other? Can that happen?”

Keith wanted to get away, he couldn’t listen to it any longer and it had gotten way too private but he found himself unable to leave. He wanted to know, no, he _ needed to know _ how Lance thought about them but it scared the living hell out of him.

“You mean like a mismatched bond? Hmm. That can happen. It’s similar to a one-sided bond where only one has a name of the other on their hand. But with a mismatched bond, you two would still be bonded but in different ways. The final marks wouldn’t match each other.”

“Would it make us-- you know, unhappy?”

“Do you want an honest or a soft answer?”

_ Soft, soft, soft. _

“Honest.”

“Then yes. You’d gravitate around each other because of your mutual bond but both of you would want something else from your relationship neither of you can give the other.”

Keith ran his hands through his hair, breathing heavily. He heard Lance talking but his thoughts drowned out everything else around him.

This was about to happen, he was absolutely sure about it, no mistake there. There was no other option but a mismatched bond, doomed to be close, doomed to suffer, similar to what they were already doing for some time. Maybe it was his fault; he had caught feelings, not even a handful yet but they were there, clear as day, and now he had dragged Lance into this bond, violently probably, because his feelings had latched onto the first person who-- well, had made him feel something he hadn’t felt before, not in that way, not that… _ intense_. There was no way Lance felt the same for him. And now everything was about to--

_ Beep, beep. _

Keith’s hand slapped against the communicator in the pocket of his jacket. Oh crap.

“Hello?” Lance’s voice called nervously. 

Quickly, Keith got up and stepped into the cryopod-hall, pretending he’d been on his way here. Both Lance and Coran were sitting on the steps, surrounded by books and old parchment rolls. His head was still spinning and it took all of his power to get out a single sentence.

“Hey, I think dinner is ready soon,” he said out of breath, hoping they didn’t think he’d been listening to their talk, freaking out only a few feet away. “Just wanted to let you know.”

“Oh right, thank you, Keith. Actually, I’m very hungry.” Coran smiled at Lance who nodded wildly and avoided eye contact with Keith as if his life depended on it.

“Yes, me too, haha. I’m just gonna help you to store those books again.”

Keith felt unable to move, his eyes glued to Lance. He one-handedly, and therefore very clumsily, collected book by book and put them into the box Coran was holding. His right hand was still hidden in his jacket’s pocket. Lance glanced at him uneasily. 

“Don’t bother helping us,” he said, the sarcasm weighing heavy in words, “we’ll be fine.”

“Oh, I can--”

“I said we’re fine!” Lance snapped but there was barely any bite in it. It felt more like a defense reaction to Keith invading his privacy… which wasn’t exactly wrong. 

“Okay.” Keith quietly walked out and headed straight for his room to wait for Hunk’s call. Oh God. This was about to become a bigger mess than he had expected and day one wasn’t even over yet.

Dinner was an improvement to breakfast and lunch. Everyone was counted for and Lance did his mighty best to avoid even the shortest silence around the table. Keith took his behavior as some kind of distraction from the obvious news of the day and he was grateful for it. It had been awkward enough to stare into Allura’s excited and Coran’s hopeful faces when all he could think of was how bad their situation truly was.

"--and then Veronica tossed the ball over the fence, climbed back and we ran away, Señor Gusto screaming after us _ so loudly _ that our mother heard it and made us apologize later. We had to bake a cake! With frosting that said _ Sorry!_" The whole table laughed and Keith had no choice but to join them. 

Lance telling stories about his family, as mundane as they seemed to be at times, never failed to cheer up the group. At first, Keith was confused about how he, an orphan, was able to enjoy stories of a chaotic but tight-knit family without hurting. It took awhile for him to understand that it wasn't the stories that filled his heart with a certain sloppy sentimentality but the story-teller himself. The way Lance's eyes sparkled when he mentioned the people he loved, how his whole face lit up, the brightest smile on his face and excited happiness radiating from him. 

Next time, the group broke out into laughter, Keith caught Lance’s eyes. It was only a brief moment - both of them still feeling wary after this morning’s rather harsh conversation and the not much better meeting in front of the healing pods - but it was the first time they smiled at each other since the news of their bond. The two of them smiling at each other was rare on a usual day but this time, it felt even more meaningful. Something warm wrapped itself around Keith’s heart when Lance briefly averted his eyes only to look back at him a few seconds later as if to check if Keith was still looking at him.

He was.

How could he not look at Lance, his soulmate, no matter how hardened their fronts were at this time.

~~

When Keith lay in bed this night, he was almost content at the outcome of this day. After a rough morning with much shouting, he and Lance had managed to go back to acting rather normal around each other. Of course, Lance was the one to thank for that change and making a 180 degrees turn during dinner. Listening to him and Coran had been wrong, Keith was aware of his mistake but then again… it was soothing to see that Lance’s feelings about their situation weren’t only anger or confusion or disappointment but also… curiosity and the urge to understand. Maybe even to accept?

A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts. A glance at the clock told him it was close to 11 pm, Earth-time. With a sigh, he sat up. 

“Who is it?”

The door slid open. Keith’s heart dropped when Lance’s head appeared in the doorframe. 

“Can I come in?”

Keith nodded but died a little inside. The door closed and the other boy leaned awkwardly against the wall opposite of him. Keith couldn’t help himself but steal glances at his name on Lance’s hand, not being hidden in a pocket since no Altean was around to reprimand him with stern looks. 

He almost felt proud. His name on Lance’s hand. His name. The tension between them was tangible and Keith waited impatiently for Lance to start a conversation. He could understand his hesitation though. Their relationship had been turned upside down. How did one go from fighting each other to being each other’s soulmate overnight? 

“You’re avoiding me.” 

Keith’s breath hitched. “I don’t,” he replied. “It’s just-- a usual day.”

“If that was the case you would’ve made sure I had appeared at the training session this afternoon and kicked my ass.”

“I’m not responsible for--”

“I know you listened to me and Coran this afternoon.”

Keith fell silent and closed his mouth.

Shit.

Lance however didn’t look particularly angry. “I don’t know how much you heard but I just wanted to tell you that this new habit of yours starts to annoy me.”

Keith huffed, not sure how to respond.

“That being said,” Lance continued lightly and pushed himself away from the wall, “I have a very serious question for you.”

Keith shuffled on the bed. He didn’t want to show his nervousness. He had a thousand serious questions for Lance and if only one of them matched his own, then, boy, he wouldn’t know how to answer. 

“Yeah?” 

Lance lowered his gaze dramatically and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Where does Coran have his soulmark?”

The question took Keith by surprise and he couldn’t suppress a burst of relieved laughter. Lance looked at him with a content grin that made Keith’s stomach drop or fly - he couldn’t quite tell. Fact was, his stomach was suddenly not anymore on his designated place and Lance was still waiting for his guess. Keith squinted his eyes. 

“I don’t think I wanna know.” 

“Better not.” They smiled at each other, just like they’d done during dinner, shyly but also open. “So. Soulmates,” Lance said conversationally. “Congratulations, you made quite a good catch.” Keith snorted and shook his head, his fingers nervously playing with the fabric of his gloves. “Just so you know: I’m just as happy about it as you are.”

Keith swallowed and looked up at him. "You really don’t have to make a big deal out of it, Lance,” he said. 

“I’m not making a big deal out of it!” Keith gave him a pointed look. “It kinda is, though, isn’t it?” Lance mumbled, his attention focused on the fingernails of his hand.

Keith closed his eyes briefly, careful not to sigh loudly. Classic Lance. Yearns for affection and bonds and love and then he found himself stuck with the only person he disapproved of on this ship. It _ was _a big deal for him. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in the marks? Thought it was a mistake?”

Lance shuffled his feet. “Yeah, and a part of me still thinks this is way too weird to be real but… “ His eyes darted up to Keith, an anxious look in his eyes. “What if it’s real? What if we are meant to be a -- uhhhh. Like. Coran and-- What if we’re meant to be togeth--”

“You-- we don't know what kind of bond we will have, Lance!” Keith interrupted him quickly but the crack in his way too loud voice betrayed his intention to calm him down, only causing the nervous tension between the two of them to rise. Lance stared at him with wide eyes as if he was caught like a deer in the headlights, only just realizing what he had implied.

For a second, he and Lance were the only calm place in the middle of a world spinning around him and Keith tried to keep his eyes on Lance to avoid getting dizzy from the feelings passing by.

Fake feelings, obviously, because how could anyone ever--

How could _ Lance _ever--

“Could be anything,” Keith hurried to add and Lance nodded heavily in agreement with an exaggerated _ ‘duh, obviously’ _ eye roll and shrug as if he hadn’t just jumped to a conclusion about the kind of their future relationship.

And not only any kind but... Yeah. 

Lance finally averted his gaze from Keith, a light blush on his cheeks, and he pressed his hand in the back of his neck to hide his flustered state. Keith’s mouth was dry. Right, Coran and Allura were the ones to blame, scaring the two of them and making Lance forget that their bond didn’t need to require strong feelings for each other.

He glanced at Lance who still stared down on the floor between them.

It was those rare moments when they weren’t bashing their heads together that gave Keith the opportunity to allow himself to enjoy Lance’s company in its purest form - and feel what it did to him and his heart. His attraction to Lance had never been about looks, not really, although it was hard to deny that Lance was _beautiful_ and _perfect_, simple as that. But that had come much later. The sound of his laugh had come first, his smile had come second. He didn’t necessarily want to jump Lance in a physical sense but in an emotional sense - which was far more scarier. 

“Maybe it’s just because we’ve already bonded through Voltron, just as Allura said,” Keith said quietly and tried to shake off the remnants of his last thoughts. It didn’t matter anyway. They might be close but it was the wrong kind of closeness, all for the wrong reasons, rooted in fights. “Maybe you’ll just annoy me for the rest of my life and that’s the connection we’ll have. End of story.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Lance looked back at him, a bit more composed by Keith’s words. “Coran said it’s nothing that isn’t already there so… The Findupha will only show us the result.” He shrugged. “Allura is right. It’s probably just that? A Voltron bond at best? I mean what… else is there, right?” He vaguely waved at the empty air between him and Keith and forced a laugh. “Except us having bonded through Voltron and annoying each other.” 

The insecurity in his voice made Keith’s heart clench but the gesture was the real source of the pain. There was nothing real between them, no foundation, nothing but hot air. Although… 

“Yeah, a Voltron bond,” he said and forced himself to a firm smile. He couldn’t think about the little things that had become a new layer on top of their bickering-based relationship over time, not with Lance in the same room. “So stop worrying about it. That’s-- annoying. See, it already began!”

The chuckle that escaped Lance was the softest Keith ever had the pleasure to witness. Lance leaned his back against the wall again, smiling brightly and looking visibly more relaxed than when he had entered Keith’s room a few minutes ago. Keith wished he was able to return the same serenity but unlike Lance he wasn’t happy about the prospect of them only having a customary Voltron bond because-- 

His eyes found the back of his gloved left hand. A cough brought him out of his thoughts and he looked back at Lance who pointed awkwardly at the door.

“I better head out. Annoy someone else. Maybe form a bond with Allura,” he joked.

“You, um, do that.”

Lance pressed his lips together and frowned. “Actually, a person can only have one Findupha in their life. If it was a bond between more than two persons, there would’ve been more than one name on our hands. Obviously. But those cases are rare anyway.”

“I guess you majored in soulmarks this afternoon?” Keith teased him with raised eyebrows. “Did Coran make you take a test?”

Lance bit his lip, a defeated and maybe slightly embarrassed expression on his face. “I just wanted to know what’s happening, that’s all.”

“Ah.” Suddenly, Keith felt stupid. Here he was freaking out about it all day and didn’t even think about looking up the basics, not even when he had stumbled over Coran and Lance this afternoon. “I should’ve probably done this, too,” he mumbled quietly.

“We both got thrown into this whole mess a bit hard, didn’t we?”

“You could say that.”

For the first time, this was the moment neither of them joked, attacked or played it down, just honest words.

“I’m still not sure about most of the stuff I’ve read and certainly don’t believe everything Coran told me but… I could tell you some things? If you want to?” Lance offered. 

Although Keith wasn’t sure he wanted to know all the gruesome details of how they would be unhappy with each other - because something else just didn’t fit into his world view - he accepted Lance’s proposal.

“Sure. You can-- you don’t have to sit on the floor,” he said with irritation when Lance was about to slide down with his back pushed against the wall. “You can sit on my bed.”

“You sure?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Just sit.”

“Okay.”

Lance walked up to the bed and sat down at the foot end. Keith’s heart somersaulted and a part of him hated himself for feeling that way. Their constant fighting and bickering had kept them both close but also at a safe distance. Now that the fighting seemed to have paused rather abruptly, their constant closeness suddenly weighted so much more than Keith had expected and it pulled at his heartstrings. For a few silent seconds, all the fights were forgotten and what was left in Keith’s mind were all the little talks, all the moments when he and Lance had been nothing else than something he’d secretly wanted to call friends. Was it even friendship? Had it that much potential?

“.... and that’s 30 days.”

“Huh?” He found Lance staring at him. Oh, had he--

“Did you just zone out?” Lance laughed incredulously. “I didn’t know you were able to get lost in your thoughts. You’re usually always--” He tipped his fingers against his temples-- “in the zone.”

Keith shook his head and straightened himself, not wanting to give him any kind of explanation. “Sorry, 30 days until--”

“We know,” Lance finished. 

Keith had seen Lance being nervous before, countless times even, but this nervousness was different and it was too obvious that he was still thinking about his words from before. The light blush on his face was proof enough how flustered he was, his downcasted gaze and his furrowed brows showed concern and insecurity. Keith was overwhelmed by the fact that Lance didn’t even try to hide or overplay it this time. It was right there on his face, open for Keith to see it, and he wondered if Lance wasn’t aware of it or if he did it on purpose. No matter what, he decided to ignore it because what else was he supposed to say? So he nodded, prompting Lance to carry on.

Lance couldn’t tell him much more than what he had already overheard, except giving him some more examples and a little bit more details. When his elucidations stopped, silence surrounded them once again. Keith almost wished to have a reason for a fight or argument because he couldn’t stand the awkwardness and vulnerable atmosphere in this room any longer. But being just themselves meant so much more. 

“So, um, did you just wake up and the mark was there?” Keith asked just for the sake of asking and pointed at Lance’s hand.

“Yeah, woke up and cursed you,” Lance chuckled softly and his eyes lit up gratefully by the change of topic. “Oh man, I was on my way to kill you this morning, you know? I thought you did this.”

Keith frowned at Lance’s grin. “Why would I write my name on your hand?”

“I don’t know,” Lance shrugged, “to mess with me? Revenge?”

“What for?”

Lance fumbled at the hem of his shirt as he worried his lip, suddenly overcome by a raw shyness that made Keith perk up even more.

“Revenge what for?” Keith pressed quietly and Lance rolled his eyes as if it had been unnecessary for him to ask again.

“Training, that one day,” Lance said dismissively. “That slap was humiliating enough, by the way.” 

Oh. Right.

“Then you know how I felt when you… said those things.”

“I’m sorry,” Lance murmured.

Keith bit his lip. Oh boy. A sincere apology?

“What?” Keith asked and held his hand behind his ear. “I couldn’t hear you.”

Lance looked back at him, the blush on his face gave Keith an odd feeling of content. Immediately, he leaned his ear closer to Lance, patiently and with a mischievous grin on his face until Lance grunted in defeat.

“I said I’m sorry! That was,” he sighed and stared at the ceiling, “highly inappropriate and I don’t know why I said it. It was a-- um, a joke. I didn’t actually mean to, you know…”

“Sexual harass me at work?”

“Are you about to file a complaint?” Lance whined playfully.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Give me your hand?”

Lance hesitated. “Are you asking me for my hand in--” he chuckled, “wait for it, my hand in bondage?” He laughed out loud. “You get it? Bondage? Marriage? But with bonds?”

“I get it, Lance, thank you,” Keith deadpanned. “Now can I--?”

“That close enough?” Lance held his right hand less than an inch in front of Keith’s face which drew a sigh out of him. Carefully, he took Lance’s hand and brought it down, inspecting the mark on the back. His finger followed the fine lines of his name, the turquoise color and the golden particles shimmering in it. He didn’t know what had possessed him to boldly demand to check his hand but it was worth it. Holding hands with Lance. Well. Not really but the butterflies in his stomach were content enough.

“The E looks the same as on my hand,” Keith said and got back to the topic at, ha, hand. Lance leaned closer to take a look and bumped their foreheads together, almost causing Keith a heart attack. 

“You mean there’s a standardized font? At least it’s not Comic Sans.”

“As if you hadn’t been thrilled if this was Comic Sans.”

“It’s a fun font!” Lance exclaimed. “We all loved it when we were younger!”

“This is a safe space, Lance, you can admit you _ still _love it.” Keith glanced at him: there was an amused smirk on Lance’s mouth that Keith was very proud of.

Back to the hand. Five letters, the same font, nothing else. With a sigh, he let go.

“Did you find anything special, Sherlock?”

“No.”

“Can I see yours now?” 

Oh fuck.

“You mean…?” Keith tapped on the backside of his glove. 

“The mark, yes, obviously,” Lance said with a bit of annoyance and impatience. “Can I see it now? I show you mine, you show me yours, right?”

The encouraging smile Keith was confronted him only strengthened his reluctance.

“I… I’m not sure.”

“What? I just showed you mine! I let you _ touch _mine!”

“I just… consider it bad luck?” Keith replied quietly. Lance gave him a weird look.

“I’m not even sure I believe in those bonds and now Mr. Kogane here tells me he’s superstitious?! What’s the worst thing that could happen when you show it to me now?”

Keith shrugged awkwardly. “I don’t know. Just doesn’t feel right. Those marks are considered private for a reason. It says your name, alright?”

Lance regarded him a moment longer. 

“Yeah. Sure. It just would’ve been nice to see it again. Like, the whole thing.”

“Maybe later?” Keith proposed.

Lance looked as if he was about to say something else but dismissed it. “Alright.”

When neither of them had anything else to say, Lance got up and made his way towards the door. “I’m gonna--”

“Wait.” Keith got up from his bed and walked up to him. “Speaking of privacy: You should cover it. It makes Allura and Coran uncomfortable.”

Lance's eyes widened when Keith slipped off the glove of his right hand. He held out his hand and Lance didn’t hesitate much before he laid his own into his. Slowly, Keith slipped the glove on Lance’s hand. It was a weirdly intimate moment and both of them held their breath until Keith was done. Lance wiggled his fingers as if he hadn’t worn a glove in his whole life.

“Thanks, man,” he said quietly. 

“A bit small for your hand but it covers most of it.”

“It’s… perfect.” Lance gave Keith a weak smile. 

“About that slap… “

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, too,” Keith said. “My reaction was very--”

“Noo, it was valid.” 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “It only would have been valid if your words hadn’t been a joke. But you said it was a joke so I overreacted.”

“You thought I meant it, for real? That I wanted to, um, have sex with you?” Lance took a step back and leaned against the wall with slumped shoulders slumped, flustered from head to toe. “Don’t be so full of yourself.” He said it lightly, meant as another joke, but Keith wondered if he heard some hurt in those words.

“I never know what you mean as a joke or for real.”

Keith tried his best to get the situation and emotions under control and his crossed arms helped with grounding him but it didn’t reduce the tension between them.

“I only slapped you because you took me off guard.”

It wasn’t a lie but it also wasn’t the entire truth. Keith had been very surprised when Lance had leaned down and told him how much he liked having Keith pinned under him - and other stuff. Of course, he had thought it was a joke. And that was the real reason Keith’s hand had connected to Lance’s face. He hadn’t wanted to be a joke, especially when he very well wanted Lance to not joke about things like that.

A-- Anyway.

They stared at each other.

“We’re good now, right?” Keith asked.

“Yes, absolutely.” Lance grinned. “Good night then. Soulmate.”

“Good night. Lance.”

“Oh, and Keith?” Lance hesitated for a moment. “I’m not sure yet I believe in these bonds and all but… you’ll tell me if anything changes, right? With the mark?”

Keith opened his mouth, then quickly closed it again. It was such an obvious question but he hadn’t expected it, hadn’t even thought about it and what it meant for their future.

“Sure.”

The relief on Lance’s face pained him but there was nothing he could do about it now. No way he could tell him the truth, not until the Findupha was over.

“Okay,” he said with a bright smile. “Good night.”

As soon as Lance was gone, Keith dared to exhale. Properly. He rested his back against the wall next to his bed and stared at the ceiling.

So that was it.

Lance was his soulmate. And he was Lance’s. An annoyance for life? As if. Keith was doomed, he knew it. Their relationship was an up and down already, more downs than ups but the making ups after their fights were addicting and he craved more. Somehow along the way he had accepted that their fights and frustration with each other were the foundation of their relationship, friendship, work-relationship or however one might call it. But over time, other things had added up to it. A hushed “sorry” in the hallway after a dirty fight on the training deck, Lance telling him the Castle’s gossip when no one else was around because he knew he wouldn’t know otherwise, Keith asking him for input on tactical decisions when he brooded about new strategies late at night. Shared laughter, sometimes, both of them careful no one was watching them. Keith didn’t know why, didn’t want to know why, he’d just accepted it. Around everyone else, they were this annoyingly loud mismatch of two Paladins who had nothing more in common than Voltron’s cause. But at any other time? The talk right now had been another of those moments when there was peace between them, if not even more than that. 

But if their fights were gone, what else would remain as a foundation? Was it enough for a friendship already? And what about the others who were so used to _ Keith and Lance, neck and neck, _ that a different attitude towards each other would probably throw them off? Not that Keith cared… but maybe Lance did. Lance didn’t want any changes between them. He didn’t even seem to believe in the soulmarks.

Keith sighed.

_ You'll tell me if anything changes? _

_ \- Sure. _

Slowly, Keith removed the glove from his left hand, uncovering his skin bit for bit.

L

A

N

C

E

He took a deep breath and revealed the last bit of skin.

♥

A heart in the same turquoise gold-glittering ink.

He was so screwed.


	5. Your Majesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance and an attic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some pushing and shoving in this chapter and not the sexy kind.

### Your Majesty

A few days after Keith and Lance had become soulmates, Pidge found a signal of a people the Alteans were overly excited about. As a former ally to Altea from more than 10.000 years ago, Allura and Coran held high hopes on gaining the planet Etorio as a friend and a vital member of their Voltron coalition. It was incredible by itself that this planet seemed to have survived all those long years, especially with the Galra around.

Keith left the rebel station a short message for Matt and Shiro about their destination (who could tell when the two were back from their “mission”) and the Castle was on its way to the faraway solar system. 

Allura kept repeating how important this diplomatic mission was for Voltron and did her best to make sure to avoid any rookie mistakes. The Castle was located in a safe and undetectable distance from the planet and the team worked together to prepare the mission as best as they were able to. Hunk and Pidge checked the planet’s atmosphere and habitats, Coran refreshed his knowledge of the local language and Allura checked on old customs and culture of Etorio.

“They are very picky and very traditional,” Allura explained and looked down at the fancy uniform she’d found in a wardrobe somewhere in the Castle’s equivalent of a creepy attic. It looked similar to her pink Voltron armor but more formal, almost like an important military operative.

“It suits you,” Lance said warmly and let his legs hang down from the desk he was sitting on in Allura’s dressing room. “You look badass and respectable, I mean, you always look badass and respectable but this uniform gives it a final kick.”

“You think?” Her eyes looked over her reflection in the huge mirror. “It’s a bit long on the sleeves. I’m gonna ask Coran to make it fit.” She turned around to the Keith who was sitting on the couch and rested his chin on his hand, a yawn away to fall asleep.

"What do you think?" 

"What Lance says. It suits you." Keith was glad Allura had accepted his apology after he snapped at her during dinner one evening. And she had been right, especially about him offending Lance and their bond. He liked Lance and whatever they had meant something to him, bond or no bond.

The upcoming diplomatic mission made Allura a nervous wreck and apparently having him and Lance around calmed her down, at least according to Coran. In Altean beliefs being around bonded people was considered good luck. And honestly, Keith couldn’t be too mad whenever Lance dragged him along to help out the Alteans with their "soothing atmosphere". It was ridiculous since nothing was soothing or reassuring about them but being around Lance was addictive. Except for some small and short bickering about trivial things, there hadn’t been a fight between them since the marks had appeared. If Keith thought the high after fights had been his highlight, he was now confronted with being around a happy and approachable Lance almost 24/7 and his heart didn’t know how to handle this sudden change.

“There should be matching uniforms for every Paladin,” Allura explained. “I trust in Coran to own something, um, appropriate to match the formality of this event.” She furrowed her brows the same time Lance and Keith glanced at each other with the same expression of disbelief. When all three pairs of eyes met, they broke out into laughter. “Oh dear, please let me hope,” Allura said and bit her lip as the three of them remember Coran’s last formal appearance when he wore a huge ginger wig to ‘emphasize the knowledge in his brain and the planet’s inhabitants would notice this’ - well, they did notice the wig but they didn’t connect it to knowledge… it was a disaster.

It didn’t happen often that Keith got in a situation of laughing along with Lance around the others like they were on the same side for once and not mortal enemies. He liked the way Lance briefly shut his eyes when he laughed as if nothing else mattered anymore but his joy. 

“I’m sure he has something appropriate to wear that includes a cape,” Lance chuckled and gave Keith a wink that made his mouth go dry and his heart go whoop.

All their time in the next few days went into the preparations for this important mission. Between learning gestures, phrases in the local language, and formal etiquette, there was barely any time for Keith to lose his mind about the mark on his hand. Since Shiro was still gone, he had Voltron’s command next to Allura and they spent a lot of time coming up with offers for the Etorio people. They weren’t aware of the importance of the mission until Allura trusted them with the secret she’d been kept for the last week: 

Over a long time, the Etorio people had managed to assemble an impressive collection of weapons from many different species across the universe, including the Galra. The development of the Galra techniques over centuries as well as stolen plans of their tactics could help to understand not only how they were operating at this day but could also serve as an outlook of what to expect if someone was able to get into the technical details. Long story short, Pidge and Hunk were only too eager to get their hands on the technical stuff, Keith, on the other hand, was curious about their tactical plans.

~~

To everyone’s frustration, Allura’s various tries to arrange a meeting with the planet’s representatives appeared to be impossible. Stubborn they were indeed but Allura hadn’t given up yet and after some more persuasion, a meeting was set in two weeks. The outlook of meeting this special species kept everyone on the Castle wide awake and buzzing. The preparations were almost done so all they had to do now was to wait. Keith didn’t like waiting. Waiting meant thinking, thinking about the obvious change between him and Lance. Thinking about their bond. Thinking about what he felt whenever he looked at Lance.

Keith didn’t live under a rock albeit sometimes he pretended he did and more often wished he would. It didn’t need a master detective to notice how the others, speak Hunk and Pidge, teased Lance about them being soulmates. He saw it in how their conversations often died down when he entered a room, how they wiggled their eyebrows at Lance when the Paladin was in a conversation with Keith and how overly friendly they were to him lately. Keith guessed Allura must have warned them to not talk about the bond but they only obeyed her when it came to Keith. He was sure Lance had to suffer the most of them. And although they worked together, Lance and Keith hadn’t mentioned their bond again. They barely even spent any time alone together and if they did, they were too busy talking about their mission than to connect on a different level. The only exception of their non-talking so far was when Keith stumbled into the lounge only to find Pidge both cackling and protesting on the couch and Hunk trying to write the word “Rover” on her hand. On Hunk’s hand was the name “Shay” visible in black ink, without a doubt scribbled by Pidge according to the messy writing.

“They’re only jealous of us, we already won the soulmate battle,” Lance had said to him with a soft smile before he had turned around to help Hunk with his mission to get revenge on the Green Paladin, leaving Keith busy with calming the beating of his heart and the question if Lance even knew what his words meant to him. In weak moments, Keith allowed himself to feel the impact a bond would have on his life: to have the reassurance that at least one person - one he liked very much - would stay in his life, permanently.

When Allura asked Lance to get the other Paladin uniforms from the creepy attic, Lance had pulled Keith with him without batting an eyelash.

“I need a witness in case I get murdered by an Altean ghost,” he explained. Keith didn’t mind. He had missed being alone around Lance so not even a dusty attic might change his mood on that.

“Okay, that doesn’t look particularly creepy, if you ask me,” Keith said as he entered the room on the other side of the Castle. A lot of boxes occupied most of the space, along with old cupboards that didn’t look well dusted and weird objects, small and big, he couldn’t identify were placed next to each other. Another corner was filled with weird technical equipment that had to be thousands of years old. 

“Oh this is just great,” Lance sighed and Keith didn’t miss how Lance closed the distance between them. “How are we supposed to find anything here?”

“Let’s split up,” Keith said, “you take the right side, I take the left side. Yeah? Lance? Are you even listening to--” Lance nudged him and raised his chin at a point above them. Keith followed his gaze to the ceiling. “What the--” For a moment, Keith thought he looked into a mirror, then into an abyss. “Holy shit,” he murmured and had to refrain to grab Lance’s arm for stability.

Seemingly glued to the ceiling above them, there were boxes, cupboards, and other weird stuff just like on the ground, only upside down. Both of them sighed in unison when they spotted a box labeled _ uniforms _in the faraway corner above them. 

“It’s like the--”

“The pool,” Keith finished. “You go first.”

“Oh, no, you go first!”

A few minutes later they managed to reach the ceiling by toppling over each other in the elevator-like area which pushed them up. With gravity reversed up there, they were able to walk between the boxes and cupboards with no problem, except maybe the weird feeling in their stomach whenever they look up - or down? - to the ground. The upper room, or however one might call it, was dimly lit, the few lightbulb-like light sources illuminated the space poorly, and now Keith understood the “creepy” part of the attic’s description.

“Oh my Bob, look at this, Keith!” Lance stopped him on their way to the boxes in the far end. A huge cupboard was filled with framed pictures of Allura from her childhood and early youth. “Isn’t she adorable?”

Keith smiled. “Yeah,” he said and meant it. Lance was visibly smitten with the pictures of her and Keith couldn’t help himself but watch him when his eyes took in the various photographs. Out of curiosity, Keith opened another glass door of the cupboard and found himself confronted with pictures of another familiar Altean. “Oh.”

“What else is oh?” Lance asked and leaned in Keith’s direction only to get pushed away within a second.

“Nothing,” Keith grunted and tried to close the door again but Lance was faster. He slipped his fingers around the door and held it open, bumped his shoulder against Keith to make him stumble away.

“I wanna see it!” No chance to hide it now. Keith took another step to the side and revealed the inside of the cupboard. “Oh,” Lance said.

There were more pictures but they all showed Coran, from childhood to his early adult years. One picture though stood out, a big one in the middle and Lance took it in his hand to look at it closely with Keith eyeing it next to him.

It was some kind of thick picture in a frame, old and already turning beige on the sides. It showed King Alfor and Coran, both in their 20s, during some kind of ceremony on a green meadow. It was a sunny day, the sky was blue and behind them was a floral arch made out of juniberries. Suddenly, the picture started moving. Lance almost dropped it but Keith’s hand reached out and held it firmly. Their fingers touched as they held the frame together and watched the short movie-like scene. The recording device showed more of the crowd, probably friends and family, but also some of the former Paladins. At Zarkon’s appearance, they both tensed. He was laughing with the others, looking happy and full of joy. There was no sound but the pictures spoke more than words: Alfor and Coran stood in the middle of the crowd, wearing fancy colorful jackets that made them the center of the scene. Alfor had his arms wrapped around Coran’s waist and Coran smiled when Alfor kissed him on his temple. Allura’s mother stood close by, grinning with pride.

“They look happy,” Lance whispered.

“Yeah.” They let the image repeat a few times and only when Lance pulled away his fingers, the loss of touch made Keith aware they were still in the attic. When he looked back at Lance, a blush had spread on the Paladin’s face but at the same time he looked rather pale. “You okay?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, I just-- nothing,” Lance said and avoided any eye contact with him. “It just felt very, you know, private to watch it. I wasn’t sure I believed Coran and Allura but… I kinda get it now, with the whole, um, bond thing. It is very… intimate. But also… makes sense.” They exchanged a look and Keith remembered the heart on his hand. It could be any kind of love. Platonic love. Romantic love. His heart fluttered at this thought. Not good.

“We should give it Coran,” Lance suggested.

“No,” Keith stopped him. A questioning look on Lance’s face forced him to elaborate. “It will only hurt him.” 

“I know Alfor is dead, Keith. But they did have some time together. And look, it was a happy time. Don’t you think Coran wants to look back to the good old days?”

“He knows the pictures are here, Lance. If he’d wanted to see them, he would have looked for them already.“

“I think he’d be glad,” Lance said stubbornly. He tried to pull the picture out of Keith’s hand but the other Paladin held it firmly. Their eyes met in a staring contest.

“Don’t,” Keith growled and enforced his grip when he noticed Lance did the same.

“Let me give Coran something nice!”

“I said no!”

“I don’t care what you say, just let go, Keith!”

“I-- You know what?” Keith leaned forward, crowding Lance’s field of vision. “I forbid you.” Lance stared at him blankly, slowly losing his grip on the picture out of sheer surprise by Keith’s reaction.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard it right, I forbid you to take that picture. Leave it here.”

Lance huffed and tilted his head in both curiosity and annoyance. “Who died and made you king?” 

The words alone would have got a reaction out of Keith but the mocking softness crossed Keith’s limits within a second, drawing a more aggressive reaction out of him. Lance crashed against some boxes behind him, gripping for something to hold on but ultimately falling on his butt from where he stared up at Keith, dumbfounded and with his mouth open.

“You pushed me!”

“Shiro was gone and almost died, you fucking asshole, how could you forget that?” Keith shouted at Lance, remembering the pain he had felt after his best friend was gone, “and Black made me King, even now that we got him back. So when I say you leave it here, you leave it here.”

Lance breathed heavily, his eyes fixed unyielding on Keith, and Keith himself didn’t dare to look anywhere else than into those angry blue eyes. Seconds felt like minutes until Lance finally spoke up. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he pressed out.

Keith shot him a warning look. “Stop that.”

“As you wish, Your Highness,” Lance mocked him again as he pushed himself back until his back leaned against a wall while still catching his breath and probably thoughts about was just had happened. Keith flopped down on a box and ran his fingers through his hair. Fuck, what was he doing? Hurting his fellow Paladin? His, oh damn, his soulmate? He tried to make eye contact with Lance but he had put his arms around his tucked up knees and pouted, too hurt to even attempt to hide how he felt, his gaze downcast. Keith briefly closed his eyes. Being Voltron’s leader wasn’t easy on the battlefield but even less in private chambers. He leaned forward and kept his voice low.

“Did I hurt you?”

Lance scoffed but Keith didn’t fail to see the little headshake. Thank God.

“All I’m saying is… maybe Coran doesn’t want to get reminded of his loss. Have you considered this? Yes, they had a good time together but then… it was over. The moment Alfor pushed Coran into the pod it was over, forever. Do you even know what it feels like when you--” He stopped and closed his eyes. The picture of an older man appeared on the inside of his eyelids. 

_ I gotta go, there’s a fire at the Bower’s house. _

_ \- I thought we were having pancakes tonight, Dad. You promised! _

_ We will. I’m sure it won’t take long. _

_ \- You always say that... _

_ I’ll be back in two hours, tops. Love you. _

_ \- Whatever. _

“When what?” Lance’s soft voice breached the silence.

“Nothing.”

“When what?”

Keith shook his head. “I said it’s nothing.”

“And I asked when what?” At Lance’s insisting words Keith finally looked up again and their eyes met. The pout on his fellow Paladin’s face had vanished and was replaced by a stubbornness directed at Keith. Only when Lance tilted his chin in a challenging manner, Keith let him win. He let out the breath he’d been holding in an attempt to ignore the pain in his heart.

“When you lose someone you love without a chance of saying goodbye?” he said quietly. “Like, a real goodbye? Do you… know what it feels like?” Or when you lose someone you didn't even know? When you don't even have a picture of the person in your head that was your mother....? 

Lance stared at him calmly and to Keith’s surprise, he didn’t reply with a witty answer. “No,” he says quietly, “I guess I don’t know.” They let the changed mood sink in for a minute, then Lance spoke up again. “I never realized how personal us going after Zarkon has to be for Coran… Keith?”

“Hm?”

“You think Alfor made the right decision? By pushing him into the pod? I mean, what- what would you have done?”

“I’m not Alfor.”

“I know, that’s why I’m asking you.”

“I would have pushed you into the pod.” Lance’s eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, wait,” Keith immediately rolled back, panic rising in his chest, “or did you mean if I had pushed Coran into the pod?”

Whatever Lance had intended to ask, it wasn’t important anymore. “You would have done that?”

“Yeah.”

“Really? Why?”

“To get some rest from you in the afterworld.”

A smile spread across Lance’s face. “Fuck you,” he chuckled.

Keith grinned and reached out his hand to help Lance up. “Come on, now, let’s find the uniforms.”

They didn’t talk about the picture of the bonding ceremony anymore. Although Keith was glad Lance had seemed to understand how unfortunate giving Coran that picture could have been, he regretted his reaction deeply. Lance was the only one to challenge his decisions openly, maybe next to Allura, and he gave him much more credit for that than Lance could have possibly known. It didn’t take them long to find the right box with the uniforms.

“Wow, they come with hats.” Lance put on the black hat. “Hey, look, I’m Keith, the Black Paladin, King of Voltron, bully, and know-it-all,” he mimicked Keith’s voice and pretended to slash a sword through the air. “I’m in love with knives and the training robot, marriage will be announced soon. And sometimes,” he got the red hat out of the box, “I’m the Red Paladin and can play with my veeeery big sword.”

Keith waited.

“What?”

“I thought you were about to make fun of me but so far you’re not wrong,” Keith noted dryly.

They stared at each other through the darkness until Keith snatched the red hat out of Lance’s hand. He felt the other’s eyes on him when he slowly put it on his head. 

“I’m Lance, I’m both the Red and the Blue Paladin because sometimes I’m approachable like a warm fireplace but then I turn into an icicle and everyone has to suffer from my mood swings, especially Keith.”

“Okay, fireplace? Icicle? You just made it weird.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up and listen.”

Slowly, Lance put the black hat back on his head. The atmosphere between them changed in an instant when Keith noticed the serious look in Lance’s eyes and even more when his fellow Paladin began talking again.

“I’m Keith, I worry too much that I might be a bad leader even though I’m very good at it. Everyone trusts my decisions, no matter how stupid they sometimes are, because, in the end, I care about everyone as much as everyone else cares about me.” Lance cleared his throat. “Everyone looks up to me, even--” He paused. “Especially Lance.”

Almost on autopilot, Keith pressed both the red and blue hat on his head.

“Um, I’m--” he began and took a shallow breath, “I’m Lance, the most adaptable of the team. I hold the group together and… Keith’s stupid decisions only work out because… he can rely on me to make it work and kick Keith in the ass when he-- “ He exhaled. “When they don’t.” Quickly, he snitched the black hat from Lance’s fingers. Lance’s mouth opened in surprise. “And one day, I’d make a pretty good Black Paladin.”

Lance huffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not,” Keith said quietly. “I bet 20 dollars that you’re gonna pilot Black within the next few months.”

“Sure, let’s bet. I need the cash.” They shake hands, the bet was on but something else was out in the open between them which stunned them both to silence for the next few minutes they needed to sort through the box with the uniforms to make sure it only contained the stuff they needed.

“Why are you so different lately?” The question caught Keith off guard. 

“I'm just the same as always,” he answered.

Lance tilted his head and grinned. “Nah, I don’t think so.”

“Well, you’re not your usual self either. Sometimes you’re actually friendly towards me.”

“Be careful, Keith. You wouldn’t be the first to fall for my charm.”

Keith snorted. “Your charm? I didn’t say anything about any charm but keep telling yourself those fairy tales.”

Lance stepped dangerously close, a smile on his lips. “All fairy tales are rooted in a truth,” he whispered, then paused. “If I become the Black Paladin, will you let me sit in your lap?”

Without thinking about his action, Keith pushed Lance away from him, causing him to stumble against a cupboard.

“Fuck,” Lance hissed and hold his arm with a pain-ridden face, “why are you always pushing me away? And what was that for, you asshole?”

“You might wanna reflect on _ your _behavior, Lance. Or words.”

The tip of Lance’s ears began glowing, followed by his cheeks, and he bit his lip in embarrassment. The realization of what he’d just said came so belatedly, Keith almost wanted to laugh about it because how could that boy not see what he was doing all the time before it was too late?

“It was just a joke,” he said defensively.

Keith dropped his voice. “Like the other day on the training deck?”

Connecting those two events formed a dangerous pattern: Lance leaning dangerously close into Keith’s emotional area and Keith physically pushing him out instead of… leaning in? Closing the distance? He’d done that once, the bonding moment Lance had only been too eager to forget but a lot of things had happened ever since, which made him believe it was all a joke to Lance. His little lines. Annoying, mostly, and not filled with any truth. But lately… Keith wondered if there might be some truth in them anyway. It wasn’t like Lace was flirting with him all the time or anything. It only happened twice so far. On the training deck and just now. Like he actively made an effort to not say anything wrong in front of Keith but then majorly fucked up when it came out way too strong.

Like… he had held back too long?

Then again, Keith was sure those lines were only jokes.

Lance’s cheeks were still red when he shrugged it off - which was not even a bit convincing - and turned around to grab a box.

“Whatever. Now let’s get those uniforms back down.” His voice lacked any energy and his body looked tense when he walked towards the corner to get down to the ground. Keith wanted to kick his own ass for having such a strong reaction towards Lance.

“Remember to make an appearance at the training deck later. Don’t miss out again.”

“I’m already ready to kick your ass, Your Excellency,” Lance said stiffly. “Hey, if you’re king, what does it make me?”

“I don’t know, the fool?” Keith threw the box down, jumped down next to him and was greeted by an intense stare from Lance. 

“I’d rather believe I’m sitting on the throne next to you when you see me as a possible Black Paladin,” he declared, his arms folded across his chest.

“There’s no place,” Keith said. “And you’re definitely not gonna sit in my lap!”

Lance opened his mouth, a dangerous teasing fire in his eyes but he stopped himself from speaking at the last second. Instead, he gave Keith a once-over, accompanied by a raised pair of eyebrows, and shrugged indifferently before he walked away, not even granting him a second glance, leaving him and the box of clothes alone.

Fuck. 

That look alone screamed the words “We’ll see” and Keith’s heart wasn’t sure how to handle that.


	6. Performance Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance isn't amused about Keith's tactical decision in battle.

### Performance Review

Days went by. 

Their original plan of not changing anything between them was an easy thing to say but a hard one to execute, especially since their relationship had already shifted to something else. Both appeared as if their fires to fight each other had been extinguished but instead, they had now become a private issue between them, kept secret from the others instead involving the entire castle in one way or the other. And Keith couldn’t shake the feeling that the reason for those arguments wasn’t a mutual reluctance but quite the opposite. 

Lance’s words, Lance’s looks, Lance… 

The boy began to drive him mad and Keith was painfully aware that it wasn’t Lance’s fault but his own heart’s. He detested the fights they had but, boy, the teasing looks and flirtatious words that accompanied them or were part of them making up got Keith addicted and Lance gave them out like freebies lately. The only thing it required Keith to do was to give Lance the negative reaction he prompted, be it an exaggerated eye roll, a light insult or a forceful shoulder bump. But as soon as they were in the company of others, they behaved eerily normal. What appeared to be a positive achievement for their friends felt awfully fake and forced for the two of them. Lance put on a brave face but knowing how Lance acted around him when they were alone was proof enough that he struggled with their changed way to act around each other just as Keith did.

Fighting each other in private felt wrong, being friendly in the open felt wrong as well. 

And the weirdest thing of all of their behavior was that it made Keith forget about the marks on the back of their hands. The rush of feelings he experienced in Lance’s presence overshadowed the fact they the two Paladins were official soulmates. As if the ink didn’t even matter when Lance was around...

Speaking of Lance:

Looking at the name on his hand in the safety of his lion and thinking about the meaning was nothing compared to actually look at Lance.

Lance kept wearing the glove dutifully and Keith almost regretted giving it to him. Sneaking glances at his name was impossible so he had to trust Lance to tell him if a change appeared. A change he was only too eager to wait for although he doubted it to happen. Keith himself had become more careful to never remove the glove from his left hand, not in the shared shower rooms and especially not during the night. Only when he was alone in Black, restoring some equipment and cleaning the interior, he allowed himself some minutes of letting his guard down - and with them the wall around his secret. He would sit in the pilot’s seat - like he did now - and ran his fingers over the glittering letters and the heart, marveling at the beauty and the simplicity of his feelings summarized in a marking. 

LANCE ♥

But the warm feeling in his stomach didn’t last long. The other Paladins walked outside and around their lions doing the same necessary duties as him. His gaze moved from the back of his hand towards the window in front of him and outside into the hall. The Red Lion was standing in front of him and its Paladin sat on one of its paws, his legs dangling down. He was laughing about something Pidge must have said while she checked the red armor he was wearing. She glimpsed inside his helmet lying next to him and gave him a thumbs-up before she moved on to Hunk. Lance’s eyes followed her briefly, then changed their direction and stared straight up into Black’s cockpit. 

Keith held his breath for a second before he remembered that Lance couldn’t see him from the outside - mirrored glasses. Almost reluctantly, Keith’s fingers moved towards the console and pressed some buttons. A hologram screen appeared in front of him, showing a zoomed-in Lance. The camera filmed him from a slightly shifted place so he wasn’t staring straight into it which made Keith feel at least a little bit less like a creep. 

God, he was beautiful.

Soulmates. Actual soulmates. It was still hard to wrap one’s mind around it, Keith thought. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his finger over the marking. His heart skipped a beat when he watched Lance doing the same, only on his right hand and over his gloves. He doubted Lance’s mark had changed already. He trusted Lance and his inability to hide his strong emotions if that might have happened yet. His fingers drew lines on the heart on his hand. Without a doubt, Keith felt very affectionate towards Lance already. But… did it mean he was about to fall in love with him? The kind of love that made him wanna drown in him? 

Lance looked… cute. He looked good. Keith wasn’t one to experience sexual attraction to other people but lately, it had begun to change. Whenever he was close to Lance, he had the urge to touch him. To be even closer. To… He couldn’t quite tell. 

Keith raised his left hand until it was right in front of his nose. From this close distance, he could make out every little golden particle. His eyes darted to the screen again. Lance stared at some point at the ground. Slowly, Keith leaned his head forward until his lips softly touched the back of his hand and the name that was written there. 

“Hey Lance,” he whispered against his hand. Keith’s heart almost stopped when the boy on the screen smiled and looked up, straight into the camera. He couldn’t possibly--

All of a sudden, the Castle’s sirens started blaring.

“Everyone to the lions!” Allura shouted as she ran into the hangar in her blue uniform. 

~~

It had been just like the day they had left Earth. Same situation in a different part of the universe. A group of Galra fighters had entered the solar system and were about to send the coordinates to their head base, only this time the valuable planet Etorio had been their target. 

It had been a hard battle and they would have lost it if Keith hadn’t split off from the team in Black and chased after one of the fighters on his own, leaving the others behind with two others ships they had been fighting against. 

“Lance, you got the command, I’m going after him before we lose him!”

“KEITH! You get back here--”

“LANCE! He’s too far gone,” Hunk said into the comm. “Buddy, we need a plan!”

“Fuck… okay, give me a second.”

“We don’t have a second!”

“Damn. Okay, Pidge, Allura… listen--”

The one small fighter had been on his way to slip through their fingers, almost having reached the end of the solar system when Keith caught up with him, ignoring the curses Lance shouted through the comm for leaving them mid-battle before he switched to giving commands to his fellow Paladins.

Keith's heart hurt and he wished he could have turned off the comm or stayed behind to help them but… if that fighter left and reported back, other Galra ships would follow in an instance. Etorio would be under attack and the chances for Voltron to save them would sink drastically, if not even going down to zero.

Black was thrown hard against a small moon when an especially mean bomb hit him. Oh man, they had bombs? It didn’t help his mood to hear with one ear that one of the Paladins had been hurt and that they were on their way back to the Castle, at least having defeated the two ships close to the planet. His thoughts immediately went to Lance. Alone the thought of him being hurt filled Keith with dread and deep anger he was only too eager to release at the fighter in front of him. Black got shaken badly in the Galra’s last attempt to bring Keith down but he managed to bring Black around just in time to rip the ship to pieces with the lion’s claws.

After the battle was over and everyone had returned to the Castle, Keith was the last one to leave the lion. Lance was already waiting for him down in the hangar, Hunk and Pidge a few feet behind him. The second Keith’s feet touched the ground, Lance marched up to him. There was blood on his armor, his hands, and on his temple and Keith’s heart dropped ten feet at the sight of it. 

“Are you hurt?” Keith asked softly, raising his fingers to gently brush away a strain of Lance’s hair to check the injury. It was a lot of blood. God. His skin felt cold under his touch. He should probably get into a healing pod as soon as--

“Not my blood.”

Keith’s worries got violently thrown out of his mind when Lance roughly knocked his hand away.

“You could have died!” Lance shouted at him and threw his helmet down on the floor, the sound echoing through the hangar. The displayed anger stunned Keith to silence what took Lance as an invitation to yell some more. “You could have fucking died there out on your own! That was a suicide mission and you know it! What the fuck were you thinking?” He threw his arms up in the air. “Possibly nothing, right?? Didn’t think it through, just waved us goodbye and fuck the rest of us, am I right?”

Keith blinked a few times, his heart beat fast in his chest and he forced himself to get a grip on the situation. Suicide mission? What was he talking about?

“Lance, LANCE!” Keith retorted back with a harsh voice to stop the other from shouting at him, trying to get into a more authoritative version of himself as Voltron’s leader. “We’re the Paladins of Voltron, Lance! The risk of death comes with the job description. And that’s one thing you know as well as I do!” Someone behind Lance coughed. “You think that too?” Keith asked wide-eyed, leaning to the side to look around Lance blocking the way.

“Keith, buddy, your maneuvers are always a bit more, um, risky,” Hunk said cautiously, “but this one--”

“--really took the cake,” Pidge finished bleakley and shook her head. 

Unbelievable, Keith thought.

“See?” Lance simply said but then Hunk continued.

“But just as you said, someone had to stop the fighter.”

Now it was Lance who whirled around to his friend with a look as if he’d been stabbed in his back.

“But that’s-- Hunk! That’s not the solution! He could have died!”

“I know, Lance.” The expression on Pidge’s face told him she felt similar to Hunk. It had been dangerous but also necessary.

“Lance,” Keith continued and quickly had the Paladin’s eyes on him again. “I was just doing what had to be done! Taking out the ship that was on the run!” He tried stressing every word to make Lance understand but the other Paladin wasn’t convinced when he ran his hand through his hair and kept shaking his head in disbelief.

“You left us alone! In the middle of a fight!” 

“Excuse me for making sure the Galra don’t get to know about Etorio!” With much sarcasm in his voice and crossed arms he kept his stance, hoping to make Lance understand but--

“Apology not accepted.” 

Keith’s face fell and for a moment, he didn’t know what to reply. “Well, I wasn’t apologizing anyway,” he said. “Also I knew you’d be fine!”

Lance scoffed. “No, you didn’t!”

“I did! I left you the command so I knew.”

Finally, Lance was the one taken aback and displayed his confusion with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I heard you over comm, coming up with another attack plan in a second. I knew everyone was in good hands under your command. You’re good at this.” Keith took the opportunity of Lance not talking and continued in a haste. “I didn’t joke when I said you had the potential to pilot Black so of course, I trust you to come up with plans and look out for everyone.”

“What-- No! I mean, yes, of course!” Lance said and pressed his finger against Keith’s chest, huffing out a breath of air. ”Don’t confuse me, Kogane!”

“It was a performance review. Shiro told me to do them after a mission.”

Lance took a step forward, the heat caused by their argument visible in his eyes. “What about your performance review then, huh? You heard Hunk, you heard Pidge!”

“Yes, I heard them but I don’t think you did!”

Lance shook his head without taking his eyes from Keith and his voice fell to a whisper. “Allura’s in a healing pod. You’re still satisfied with your performance?”

That finally slowed down Keith and he hesitated. “Is she hurt badly?”

“Yeah,” Lance said with a challenging look in his eyes but Pidge tsked in the back.

“She’s a bit roughed up but she’ll be out of the pod in a few days. It’s not as bad as it looked, according to Coran.”

Thank the Ancients, Keith thought.

“Still,” Lance insisted and crossed his arms before his chest.

“And now you’re blaming me? Are you serious?”

“Do I look as if I’m joking?”

“But that was hardly my fault, I wasn’t even there!”

“Exactly.” Lance’s word cut harsh through the close distance between the two. “Did you even _ consider _to think about us?”

Keith’s eyes darted to Hunk and Pidge behind him before they focused back on Lance. “All the time,” he said quietly but steady.

Something in Lance’s expression softened and he entangled his folded arms. With wrinkled brows he let his eyes flicker over Keith’s face as if he was searching for something else and Keith didn't dare to look away. Only when the sound of a closing door told them that they were alone now, Lance took a step back, giving them both a chance to breathe again.

“You know there was nothing else I could’ve done,” Keith elaborated exasperatedly. “I destroyed the ship, someone had to so I did it. I left you in command. That Allura got hurt pains me, Lance, it does. But sometimes we get hurt and this has nothing to do with you or-- me. We can give our best but sometimes there are bigger things that decide the outcome.”

“No, that’s just selfish.”

“I was looking at the bigger picture, Lance!” Keith shouted. “If the ship had escaped, this area would’ve been flooded with Galra fighters by now. I don’t understand why you’re so upset, this is not the first time we did a maneuver like that. You always agreed with me on tactics like that in the past! I don’t understand what’s different this time!”

Lance got quiet for a moment, still breathing heavily. “Did you-- think-- about us?”

“I told you, yes, of course, I thought about every one of you and--”

“No, no,” Lance interrupted him and shook his head. “I mean… _ us_.” 

Keith raised his eyes and tilted his head. Suddenly, there was a lump in his throat. “I thought you don’t believe in--” he whispered but then shook his head firmly, a sour taste in his mouth. The death of a soulmate. What Coran had talked about. The unbearable pain of the surviving soulmate. That made sense. “Don’t worry, Lance, I try not to die for our bond’s sake.”

“This has nothing to do with our bond.” Lance's voice halted for a moment. “Well, it does but only because I care about you.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s why we rarely see eye to eye. Because you _care_ about me. Right. You really don’t miss a second to show me that, all your stupid jokes and insults and… whatever.”

“You wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence if I didn’t--” Lance blew out a long breath, trying to compose himself again. “That’s just how our relationship is like. We fight and then it’s okay for a moment and then we fight some more.”

“Maybe I don’t like our relationship?”

Lance took a step back, staring at him with wide eyes.

How it was now, Keith wanted to add. He didn’t like their relationship with the way it was now. Filled with anger, shooting sparrows at each other from isolated castles they hid inside, only letting down the walls in rare moments. He didn’t want all that, what he wanted was the opposite, but how to tell him? 

Lance was stunned to silence. The lack of emotions on his face alarmed Keith to his very core. No anger, no nothing was displayed in his face, as if every emotion had been drained from him.

“You don’t like our relationship.” His voice was so cold it made Keith shudder. Something went horribly wrong. “I get out of your way, then.”

“No, wait,” Keith said when Lance began to turn away, “I mean I don’t like it how it is now.”

“Yeah, me neither, Keith.”

“I don’t wanna fight with you anymore.”

“Well, you know what?” Lance stepped forward, his face only a few inches away from Keith’s. “I give you today’s special: You don’t even have to _ talk _to me anymore.” With those words, Lance turned around and headed straight for the exit. 

“Lance! Wait!”

Lance indeed stopped and turned around, but then he walked to the little workstation Pidge had built for checking on the Paladin’s armor. In a haste, he took up a pen, accidentally pushing down most of the equipment in his uncontrolled anger. In a swift move, he ripped off the glove of his hand.

Keith saw his name and only his name.

Breathing heavily and with anger in his eyes, Lance opened the pen’s cap and crossed out Keith’s name on the back of his hand. Line after line after line, black ink almost making the name unreadable. After he was done, he held up his fist up for Keith to see.

“There you have it,” he spat. “If you excuse me now, I have to check on Allura! She’s hurt, in case you forgot. That’s her blood on me, by the way.” He threw the pen at Keith but it missed him by a few feet. “And since it’s not your fault, it’s obviously mine. Thanks for having our back,_ my King_.”

“Lance,” Keith tried again but the other Paladin just huffed, turned around and left.

~~

The longer Keith waited to talk to Lance, the harder it became. A day passed and Keith-- couldn’t. Lance had just calmed down enough from their heated discussion to talk to him again and Keith was just thankful for that. He cut his talks with him rather short but at least he had stopped calling him King or Majesty.

Nevertheless, his situation with Lance had become even more sticky and Keith yearned to talk to Shiro. The universe didn’t grant him his wish but his phone rang that evening when he was lying alone in bed, worrying about everything, and the caller’s ID was a pleasant surprise.

“Matt?” Keith said as he opened the line.

“Keith -- I -- okay??”

“Matt, the line’s the worst. Are you okay? Is Shiro okay?”

Between cracks and static, bits of words went through.

“-- yes -- need -- talk -- sorry -- know??”

“What?!”

“-- fuck -- “

“Okay, I can barely understand a word. Can you at least understand _ me_?” Keith asked and started pacing his room, trying to find a place with a better signal like he was used to doing on Earth.

“... yes!”

Matt’s words still came with cracks, the line didn’t get any better.

“Okay, then… as long as you and Shiro are okay, I’m relieved. Everything’s fine here,” Keith sighed. “We’re going down to Etorio in a few days. I already sent you the coordinates, I’d be happy to see you there.”

“ -- Lance -- okay?”

Keith hesitated. “Are you asking me if Lance is okay? If so, then yes. Allura’s in the healing pod but she will be fine again. Hunk, Pidge and Coran are good, too.”

“ -- you -- bond -- Lance??”

Keith let himself fall against a nearby wall and ruffled his hair. This was the last thing he had wanted to talk about now, not like this, not without Shiro. How the hell did Matt even know about the soulbond?

“Oh God,” Keith exhaled. “Okay, I don’t know how you heard of that but don’t worry, okay. It’s… nothing.”

There had been a short time when he thought they had the potential to become _ something _but Lance crossing his name off his hand had proven that they didn't have a chance.

“We-- We cleared it up between us. Had a good talk.” He laughed bitterly. “Lance’s the same jerk as always.”

“-- relieved -- so sorry -- joke.”

“Yeah, what a joke, I know. Anyway. Tell Shiro I miss him. And take care!"

“-- you too -- again -- sorry -- messing with you.”

Huh. Whatever.

“Bye, Matt!”

Keith disconnected the call and decided to go to bed early this day.

~~

When rumors got loud that Allura was about to get out of the pod, Keith jogged to the cryo-pod room. Although he was sure he’d done the right thing, a part of him with Lance’s voice still blamed him for getting her hurt. The entire group was already there, right in time when the pod opened and Allura stumbled into Coran’s arms. Keith let out a long breath of relief. She looked healthy, only a bit wobbly on her feet but that wasn’t unusual. One by one they hugged her, only Keith still waited near the door. If she blamed him as much as Lance did, then surely she didn’t want to get embraced by the one who put her into mortal danger. 

“I can walk, Lance,” Allura chuckled and smiled at her friends. Lance was still leaning his head on her shoulders, his arm gently wrapped around her waist to give her some stability. From all the Paladins, Lance was always the one who wasn’t able to hide his ocean of emotions when one of them got hurt. 

“Maybe I can’t,” he said and smiled softly. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“You should eat something, Princess,” Pidge said and Hunk nodded in agreement. “And rest a bit more.”

“And I will.” Her eyes darted to Keith. “I just wanna talk to Keith about the mission for a moment.”

Oh damn.

Slowly, Keith stepped towards her.

“I think I should stay as well.” Lance’s voice was cold, partly caused by his guilt for allowing Allura to get hurt, partly caused by Keith for the same reason.

“We talk later, Lance, okay?”

Reluctantly, he let her go and shot Keith a warning look on his way out, the others followed him.

Finally alone, Keith and Allura sat down on the stairs.

“You got the fighter?” she asked.

“Yes. Etorio is safe.”

“That’s good to hear,” Allura sighed in relief and smiled happily. “Any news from them yet?”

Keith shook his head. “We waited for you to wake up to establish another contact. You’re the best diplomat after all.”

Allura’s laugh sounded like a bell through the empty room. “Thanks. And you’re a good leader, Keith.”

“I doubt it. It’s my fault you got hurt. I’m sorry, Princess.”

Allura knitted her brows. “It wasn’t your fault, Keith. You did what you had to do. I’m okay.”

“Yeah… but Lance doesn’t think so. He thought it was stupid for me to leave you alone and risk my neck.”

“Lance, huh?” She paused and Keith wanted to hide from her intense gaze. “And what do you say as Voltron’s leader?” she asked.

“I thought I did the right thing. But he’s right, you come first.”

“No, I don’t, Keith. The cause is above everything else.” Keith kept silent. “I assume you had an argument about this topic with Lance?”

“Yes. I don’t think we’ve ever had a fight that huge. He yelled at me for leaving him, I mean, you all, and for almost dying.”

“Oh Keith,” Allura sighed. Gently, she put a hand on his thigh. 

“What?”

“Did he talk to you as the Paladin of the Red Lion or as Lance, your soulmate?”

Keith closed his eyes. 

Fuck.

_ ‘Did you even think about us? … I care about you!’ _

“A bit of both, I think. Or none of them. More like… a friend, maybe? He keeps telling me that it’s not that big of a deal - no offense to Altean customs - but I think it is a big deal to him.”

“Maybe because it’s also a big deal to you?”

Keith shrugged.

“Maybe it is. But I wouldn’t know… what to do when-- the markings get revealed.”

“Keith, you two are still in the Findupha, it will all become clear very soon. You and Lance already have a connection, everyone can see that. And soon enough the mark will show it. Have a little faith.”

Keith smiled at Allura for her effort to calm him but she didn’t know about his fear of the mismatched bond that occupied his mind. Yes, the mark will show what they feel towards each other. The heart on Keith’s hand. No additional mark on Lance’s hand. Without any doubt, this was about to happen. Allura patted his shoulder and got up to make her way towards the door.

“Hey, Allura.”

“Yes, Keith?” She turned around.

“Did you tell Matt or Shiro about... “ He weakly waved his gloved hand.

“Oh. Um.” She blushed lightly. “I might have texted Shiro a while ago but I didn’t think the message went through. Or maybe it will arrive as soon as they have a brief connection” She grimaced. “I know, I shouldn’t have-- It was the first day and I… got carried away.” She worried her lip. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

Keith exhaled in defeat. “No, I just talked to Matt. He sounded worried, that’s all. I bet Shiro beats himself up for not being around.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine,” Keith sighed.

“Alright. Oh, and Keith? I will talk to Lance. About the mission and how you did the right thing.” She paused and winked at him. “From the leader perspective.”

“Oh, okay.”

“From the soulmate perspective though… “ Her voice trailed off.

“What?”

“Maybe you should talk to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession: writing klance fighting with each other is one of my favorite things.


	7. Midnight Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Paladins arrive on Etorio. Keith and Lance bond some more.

### Midnight Talk

The only good thing about their recent battle was the established contact with the planet they had protected. As soon as the Galra ships had been destroyed, Etorio had noticed their presence in their solar system and invited them down earlier than planned to thank them for their protection. However, the Etorio people were wary about having the full force of Voltron down on their planet. After some polite but heated discussions via a transmitter, they allowed the Black Lion to land on their planet and carry the team with it.

Keith already sat in Black’s pilot seat to prepare himself mentally for the upcoming diplomatic mission. Also, there was always something weird about carrying others in his lion. Sure, it was a battle machine in a great war but to Keith, it was also a private space where he could be alone. Though he wasn’t alone for long.

“Am I the first one here?”

“Looks like it.”

The Paladin walked to the front of the lion and Keith glanced at him while he was looking out of the front window. Lance wore the festive red uniform they had found in the attic and he wore it so well that it became hard for Keith not to stare too long.

“This lion is fucking big.”

For a moment, Keith simply hoped Lance hadn’t seen him staring but Lance’s next act made everything else irrelevant. Lance locked eyes with him and then, to Keith’s surprise, he slid down to sit on the seat’s armrest, eyebrows perked up in a challenging way. His legs hung down on the side of the chair but he’d turned himself around so that he was still looking at Keith, his hand holding on the backrest of the seat.

“Lance,” Keith grunted quietly in a warning tone. For all he knew, Lance was still mad at him and would provoke him badly any second now and Keith didn’t know which reaction he would give him.

“You’re right,” Lance said lightly, “there’s enough space here for both of us.”

“Go away.”

“Just making sure you’re not doing anything stupid again. After all, it’s my job to kick your ass when you’re doing something reckless. Didn’t you say that to me? Once, in an abandoned attic… on a lovely summer’s day, we had flowers in our hair-- or was it hats on our heads?“

Keith rolled his eyes and shook his head but decided it was the right thing to apologize to his second-in-command for his dangerous maneuver.

“Listen, Lance. You were right. I shouldn’t--”

“It was the right thing to do,” Lance interrupted him and glanced at his fingernails. “To go after the fighter. Doesn’t mean it didn’t suck though. Cause it did. And I’m still angry at you.”

“I told you, I won’t die for our bond’s sake.” He hadn’t meant to repeat the words but they had slipped out anyway.

“I didn’t say anything about any bond.” Lance ruffled his hair. “Is it so hard for you to understand that I actually don’t want you to die?”

“Yeah, no. Sure… but we’re basically soldiers, Lance. Accidents can happen anytime.” 

“You are insufferable, Keith. Can’t you just accept it? Okay, repeat after me.” He cleared his throat. “I Understand, Lance-- No, you gotta repeat it.”

Keith scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Shit will I do.”

“Come on, Keith,” Lance nudged and poked him in his shoulder, “I’m trying to do something good here, be a good leader.”

“I Understand, Lance,” Keith obeyed out of the blue and alone the surprised look on Lance’s face was worth to indulge him. Quickly, Lance composed himself and turned around to him. Under the attention of a pair of blue eyes, Keith continued Lance’s little game… or whatever it was.

“You Don’t Want Me To Die--”

“You don’t want me to die,” Keith repeated

“Because -- You Care About Me, you asshole.”

“Because you care about me, you asshole.”

“NO! That last part was--”

“NO! That last part was--”

Lance stopped and pressed his lips together, so did Keith, but the staring contest continued. After a second, Lance’s expression changed into something smug. “Lance is very--”

“Lance is very--” Keith repeated dutifully and waited.

“Handsome.” A wide grin spread on Lance’s faces. And boy, he was. Keith wouldn’t be lying if he uttered this word but he’d rather fight a horde of Galra than to admit it out loud.

Keith scoffed. “You win.”

Lance rose his fist in success. “Oh man, that was far too easy.” He leaned closer and Keith didn’t mind that he suddenly stopped breathing and his heart invented a new drumming rhythm. “Hmmm, what did I win?”

“Hey guys,” Hunk’s voice sounded from the back of the lion. “Are we interrupting something?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Keith said sternly and gave Lance a meaningful look. “You’re not interrupting anything. We can leave as soon as everyone’s here.”

A minute later Pidge, Hunk, Coran, and Allura had taken their seats in the back of Black’s head where some sort of bench had appeared in the wall. When Lance didn’t show the slightest indication to join the others and kept his wobbly seat at Keith’s side, a grunt was heard in the back.

“Oh my God, guys. I don’t know what this is about again but is this necessary?” Pidge being Pidge didn’t hide the annoyance in her voice. 

“Yeah, Lance, is this necessary?” Keith asked.

Lance grinned, his face invading Keith’s personal space. “Everything I do is necessary,” he whispered. “Also I think I earned a prize.”

"A prize?"

"As part of the performance review you gave me. High praise, as far as I remember."

Keith bit his lip. Oh man. 

“Fine, so.... what about you helping me pilot Black? You think you’re up for it?”

Lance answered with a cocky grin. “Sure.”

“Paladins, we don’t have time for this,” Allura tried to stop them but her effort was futile. 

“Take the right control stick,” Keith instructed Lance, “I take the left.”

“Keith, Black can’t possibly be okay with that, what does she say?” 

Lance glanced back to the Princess. “She says Keith’s the king.”

Keith chuckled and when he caught Lance’s gaze, he saw the smile on his face he had missed so much: a smile just for him, a smile that didn’t mean to mock but to make the two of them partners in crime, equals even, in every way. Maybe things were okay again, somehow.

Lance leaned forward on the armrest and wrapped his hand around the control stick. It was an even more wobbly position but Keith trusted him to be flexible enough to hold this position.

“On three we pull,” Keith told him. “1, 2, PULL.”

Black jolted forward and up, out of the hangar, making the others in the back scream and briefly, Keith felt the confusion inside of his lion but that wasn’t the only thing he felt. The sudden movement had caused Lance to lose his balance and acting on instinct, he had thrown one arm around Keith’s neck, inadvertently causing him to slide down the armrest--

“I thought you didn’t want me in your lap.”

Lance’s feet dangled down the other side of the chair, his hand curled around Keith’s neck. His fingers teasingly pulled on the strains of Keith’s hair as he stared playfully and intensely into his eyes.

“Told you, you could pilot Black,” Keith breathed because he didn’t know what else to say. Having a lap of Lance pressed close to him was something he hadn’t expected to happen and well, he was also kinda busy piloting Black though she thankfully did the most work at this point, probably sensing the distress he’d found himself in. Lance’s close distance made him dizzy and the fact that Lance did nothing to change it didn’t do much help.

“And did I do gooood?” Lance asked and in the back of his neck, Keith felt a finger slowly curling around a strain of hair.

Keith swallowed and nodded dumbly. “Uh-huh.”

Lance grinned. “Uh-huh? Is this also part of my performance review?” He leaned closer. “Or do you want me to--”

“LANCE!” Allura’s stern yell almost caused Lance to lose his balance again which prompted Keith to let go of the control sticks to hold him tight which lead to Black doing a flip and Hunk vomiting somewhere in the back and everyone started shouting at each other, well, it was a mess. Meanwhile, Lance glanced up at Keith through his long eyelashes as they both became aware of how tight and close Keith was holding him. Before the situation could become awkward, the sound of Hunk vomiting yet again was heard through the cockpit and both Lance and Keith started to laugh. Only when Allura yelled at them again, they forced themselves to calm down from their high.

“Sorry, Allura,” Lance apologized loudly, “sorry everyone! This one’s on me.” Slowly, he slid off Keith’s lap. “I better, um--” He pointed to the others. Keith nodded quickly.

“Yeah, you better… “ A last grin was exchanged and Keith piloted the rest of the way alone in the front. His mood and expression changed only a few seconds after Lance had left. Reality hit him again, the reality of their relationship.

Fuck, what was he doing? Letting Lance close to him again, in literally more than one way, knowing well enough that both of them would only get hurt sooner than later? But, by gosh, after their last fight this moment had felt too good.

~~

Keith had never been a fan of diplomatic missions. He didn’t like the dancing around, the necessary niceties and meaningless talks before the important things got discussed but a lot of species valued certain etiquettes. Some of them contained ridiculous amounts of compliments, others required joined dinners and built-up trust, but the Etorio people were the worst so far.

They hadn’t even entered the main hall of the great compound any less than having met the leader yet when the group was already deep into arguments about them being sent away again. As far as Keith had understood, the Etorio people thought the travelers were beneath them and… unholy. Suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore that Voltron had saved their planet and solar system, suddenly all that mattered was the fact that the majority of the group came from an unknown planet called Earth and the Etorio behaved like a swan visited by a rotten worm.

Keith’s patience was tested in a hard way. He knew he was Voltron’s leader but Allura had subtly given him a sign to stand down. Only her and Coran led the heated discussion, the others lingered back and took in the planet’s surface. It looked a lot like New Mexico. Rose-colored rocky deserts, some bushes, and minor flora. Far behind the pompous compound, there was a town nearby who looked as if they were knocking at the gates of Santa Fe. The heat was nice, it reminded Keith of home and he probably would have enjoyed the situation more if the planet’s inhabitants weren’t such jerks. The Etorio people looked more or less human but taller and with longer necks and longer faces. Keith huffed. Maybe the comparison with swans was more correct than he’d thought. They wore long dark blue robes who shimmered in the sunlight and their wide sleeves almost hid their hands.

"Yes, our ancestors honored the Altean people, we say,” the ambassador explained calmly, “but that was 10.000 years ago. What is left of your culture for us to honor anymore, we ask?” Before Allura had a chance to answer, the alien continued stiffly. “You’re the last two Alteans in the galaxy and those, what did you call them, Earthlings? They don’t matter, we say. They won’t carry the noble Altean legacy after you’re gone.”

“This is where you’re wrong, my dear friends,” Coran said and stepped forward. “It might be true that the Princess and I will be the last Alteans but the Earthlings carry parts of our culture.” Allura gave him a nervous stare and Keith also prepared for the worst. Not that he didn’t trust Coran but his ideas and arguments tended to be a bit more… unusual. “Two of them, to be exact, are the living proof that the Altean culture lives on.”

"Soulmarks!" Allura said excitedly and Keith didn’t have enough time to think because the Princess had grabbed his and Lance’s hand to drag them forward and in front of the ambassador. “These two Paladins are bonded with a soulmark in the Altean turquoise color.” A murmur went around the guards who surrounded them. “If that's not proof enough that Altean culture and values live on…" 

“A soulmark, you say?” the ambassador asked with an awestruck waver in his voice. “We honor them but we found that they are almost extinct. Only the Sattiragi still have a pair. Queen and Queen they are. We Etorio are proud to call them our allies, we are." 

"Yeah, we got, um, Keith and Lance!” Allura replied and proudly hold up their gloved hands. “Voltron's leader and his right hand.”

The mood of the ambassador and the guards around him changed drastically. The cockiness was blown away and careful politeness had taken its place. “Would you mind if we check it for accuracy, Princess Allura?” 

“They’re in the middle of their Findupha,” she said, “so they have to decide on their own if they want to share their mark with others at this point.”

“I don’t have a problem with it,” Lance shrugged. 

All eyes were on Keith.

“Um, fine but I-- I have some conditions?”

~~

Under the eyes of an old Etorio who made Keith afraid they might die any second Keith removed his glove. He felt the heat building up in his face and his nervous heart beat fast. They would be the first being to see his mark and he wasn’t comfortable with it but it was for the greater good of giving a possible coalition with Etorio a valid chance. The ambassador had agreed that he and Lance would be examined separately and that no one would learn about the shape of their marks.

“It appeared overnight, you say?” 

“Yes.”

The Etorio Elder eyed him suspiciously and their long neck appeared even longer. “Hmmmm, I know what you're trying to do, I say,” they hummed and let their thing fingers trail over the mark, lost in thought for a moment.

How are they still suspicious, Keith wondered briefly, but then the Elder continued and Keith dismissed his thoughts.

“You’re the leader, you say?”

“Yes.”

“The young ones, they think they know better. They are arrogant, I say. But I believe Voltron can help to bring peace into this universe. It already helped us in our solar system. And if this is what the young leaders convince,” she points at his mark, “then so shall it be, I say.”

“Can you please not tell--”

The alien rose their hand dutifully. “I won’t tell anyone about the nature of that mark, of course not, I promise.” 

“Thank-- thank you. Um. Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, say.” 

“What-- do you know about mismatched bonds?”

The Etorio Elder looked as if they wanted to know the reason for him asking but Keith thought maybe they already knew since they checked Lance’s mark before his. “Well, I don’t know why anyone would put themselves through it, I say. Or joke about it.”

“No, that’s not… I don’t-- It was a serious question.”

“They are rare. Bless the ancients, they are very rare.” They looked serious. “They’re so painful we don’t talk about them, we don’t.”

“What if… there was a mismatched bond but both of them would still feel the same for each other. Would that work out?”

The Elder laughed bitterly. “That isn’t possible. The markings are always right, I say. There wouldn’t be a mismatched bond if both of them would feel the same. But I don’t know why it would matter to you. Now go, I say.”

Thanks to the soulmarks the doors opened for Voltron’s Paladins and the Alteans and although they all had a rough start, the Etorio did everything to make their stay as comfortable as possible. Keith despised the Etorio for their shallow behavior but at least it was a win for the Voltron coalition - if the talks would be successful. He could only guess how exhausting it was yet to get.

“We’d like to invite you to our banquet tonight,” the ambassador addressed Keith and Allura. “In the meantime, you are free to visit our capital town with our famous carnival. It is worth a visit, I say.”

“Thank you very much, it’s a great honor to be here.”

“We don’t do well with, hmmm, _ strangers_, as you know, so the invitation is for the two of you as we understand that you are responsible for diplomacy and leading Voltron.” Allura frowned and anger shot into her eyes but she slipped back into the role of a diplomat in an instance. 

“Is there a possibility to extend your kind invitation to every Paladin of Voltron and my trusted friend Coran? Everyone has something vital to give our team and your people would benefit from their knowledge.” She turned around and pointed at the Paladins who waited near a small table taking in refreshments. “Coran is my advisor, Hunk is our engineer, Pidge knows about techniques, and Lance, well--” She paused, only briefly, but it was long enough for not only the ambassador to be startled but also for Keith to feel a certain kind of anger pulsing inside his chest.

“Lance is Voltron’s right hand in more than one way and improves the stability within the team.” The words came out harsher than they’d been intended but apparently, the ambassador didn’t take offense in his choice of tone. Quite the contrary, the alien’s facial expressions softened.

“He’s also your soulmate, you say.”

“Well, yes.”

“We’ll extend our invitation to the other Altean,” he said to Allura, “as a gesture to honor the bond of old, and also,” he addressed Keith, “it would be rude of us to keep distance between you and your mate during the Findupha, we say.”

“Umm--”

“Lance is very welcome, we say.” The ambassador excused himself to lead the upcoming dinner preparations and inform their leader, and the group got surrounded by some servants who were only too eager to show them their rooms for their stay. The group split up… well, except for Keith and Lance. The servant bid them both to follow them. 

As it seemed, their living quarters were on the other side of the compound with the view of the rising sun in the morning. When the servant opened the door to the room, both Keith and Lance became aware why they had been singled out.

“We assigned you one of our kingly and queenly rooms special for soulmates,” the servant said solemnly and pointed inside the huge room which was almost ten times bigger than their small chambers in the Castle.

“That is, wow, thanks,” Lance breathed and glanced at Keith.

“We understand that physical closeness is important to your species.” The servant motioned towards the single big bed on the other side of the room. “Coran, the friendly Altean, explained to us a lot about human nature this afternoon. You are a very interesting species, I say.”

“Coran, um, explained?” Keith gulped.

“Yes! Very eagerly so!”

“I am scared,” Lance mouthed to him and Keith tried not to giggle out of panic.

“I heard you enjoy the water. Coran told us you two regularly visited your ship’s swimming pool. Sadly, we don’t have such thing here but there is a bathroom with a tub that you are welcome to use, we say.” And true, there was a door leading to a bathroom from their bedroom with a shower, a tub and everything else a human would need, only the proportions were slightly off but it would suffice. “For any other kind of body-to-body closeness, I picked out some things that might be enjoyable or of use. I was told this was a discreet matter between humans hence you will find them in the drawer next to your bed.” The servant pointed out other goodies inside their room but Keith was barely listening.

“What did you tell Coran?” he hissed to Lance who, like him, had flushed a deep red.

“I-- nothing, I told him nothing!”

“Lance…!” Keith growled.

“Well, it’s been months ago and he was interested in the anatomy of humans so…”

“You talked to him about sex.”

“He asked?”

“Is everything alright?” the servant asked unsurely. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, no,” Lance said loudly and threw his arm around Keith’s shoulder, “my mate is just very excited about the drawer you mentioned, I say.”

“That was all very nice of you, thank you,” Keith pressed out, fighting against the urge to push Lance’s arm away from him and punch him thoroughly for this comment. 

“Very well,” the servant said and bowed slightly. “I will leave you to it, I say.” 

“We should go back to the others,” Keith said when they were left alone in the big room but Lance didn’t make a move towards the door.

“Aren’t you even a tiny bit interested in the content of the drawer?” he said and hopped onto the bed, testing the mattress for softness.

“No.”

“Hm,” Lance hummed and leaned slightly back on his hands. “Anything else you’re interested in?” 

“Lance…. “

“Am I annoying you?”

“I-- No.”

“No? Do you want me to leave so you can take a look into the drawer?”

Keith sighed. This boy would be the death of him. “Lance, I’m just stressed is all.”

“And I’m just trying to cheer you up. Does it work?”

“If you don’t mention the drawer again, maybe.”

Lance huffed a laugh but obliged, and yeah, maybe Keith did feel a bit better. In silence, they walked back to the main hall to meet with the others.

As discussed earlier, the dinner banquet with the high authorities of the Etorio was only open for the Alteans, Keith, and Lance. This didn’t mean the others had to starve, they got served the same food in a similar fancy hall but without the company of the Etorio leader. The food was better than expected and both Allura and Keith were glad to have Lance around. He and Coran warmed up to the Etorio in an instant, only he and Allura needed to make sure that the conversation didn’t drift into any dangerous territory. It was a nice evening, actually, but soon the food and the drinks made them careless.

Lance was in the middle of some battle discussions when he mentioned a fact neither Allura nor Keith had mentioned before, well aware that it might cause some severe trouble.

“I can ask Kolivan about it. He’s the leader of the Blade Of Marmora,” Lance explained the aliens, “a Galra rebel group that fights against Zarkon.” His words caused a stir around the table.

“You’re working together with Galra, I ask?” the leader asked. Lance sent a helpless look to the Princess who immediately took over the reins of the conversation. 

“Yes,” Allura declared, “some of them want the same as we do. As you do. And… “ She hesitated and exchanged a look with Keith who replied with a subtle nod. “Well, Keith joined the Blade as well.”

“Didn’t you say it was a Galra rebel group?”

“Well, yes,” Allura said. A tense silence filled the room.

“He’s a Galra?” the alien hissed and threw back their chair as they jumped up, fingers on the shaft of their weapon.

“Half Galra!” Lance quickly reached over the table to firmly grab Keith’s hand. “I know, I know,” he hurried to say. “When we learned about Keith’s heritage, we were all shocked, me the most! I couldn’t even look at him!”

Keith tried to keep a calm face. He knew for a fact that Lance was the one who cared the least about him being half Galra but the show he put on deserved an award.

“We humans dislike the Galra just as much as you do but when I learned about our bond… “ To Keith’s surprise, Lance smiled broadly at him. “Well, things changed even more.”

“Bonded to a Galra,” the alien shook his head in disbelief. “There are no records that Galra can have a bond, I say.”

“Well, there aren’t any records of Earthlings either but here we are,” Coran chuckled happily. “Astonishing things happen and we are all part of it. Galra and Earthlings having soulmarks, Galra fighting Galra, Altea and Etorio reunited. Astonishing times.”

A rather young alien cleared their throat and addressed Lance. “Did you already show your marks to each other?”

“My mate here is a bit superstitious so I haven’t seen the whole thing yet.”

“Aww,” various aliens sighed. 

“So you already have an expectation, that is very lovely, I say.”

“I don’t have any expectations at all, I just think it’s bad luck,” Keith replied stiffly and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Are you excited?”

Forgotten were the Galra, the conversation revolved only around soulmates, past and present, and Allura was wise enough to remind the Etorio that it wasn’t polite to talk about it during the Findupha. The young alien got a nudge by the leader and the conversation got back to a more general soulbond topic.

And Keith was bored. Utterly, deeply bored and not even Lance’s company could change his mood. As soon as the Etorio had satisfied their need to know about their soulbond, they dived into a deep conversation about Altea’s and Etorio’s past. 

Lance leaned forward to whisper into Keith’s ear. “Well, I don’t know about you but I’m getting outta here before I die and don’t even notice.”

“That’s awfully rude.”

“To die from boredom?”

“That, too.”

“I know. So I won’t let that happen.” Keith could still feel Lance’s hot breath lingering on his ear. “So, you coming or what?”

“Sit down, Lance,” he hissed. Some of the Etorio were already staring at them curiously despite being deep in a conversation with Coran. 

“You know what would be ruder? If you let your soulmate leave without following him.” Lance cleared his throat and addressed the aliens with a polite smile. “Please excuse me, I don’t feel very well and need to lie down.” Keith felt something on top of his head, and only seconds later he realized that Lance had pressed a kiss on his hair. He turned around. Lance was already walking towards the door without looking back. With a forced smile, he tried to follow the table’s conversation but his behavior seemed to confuse the Etorio greatly.

“Are you not… going to check on your soulmate?” the leader finally asked and probably voiced the concern of every other Etorio around him.

“Yes, Keith, you’re free to leave,” Allura said with a warm smile. Without any more hesitation, Keith excused himself from the table and walked into the dark hallway. 

Great, where was he?

“Ksshht.” Lance sat on a wall, his feet dangling down, the biggest grin on his face.

“You are a bad influence,” Keith sighed and walked closer. Lance stretched out his leg to softly bump his feet against Keith’s thigh.

“You’re only noticing now? Oh come on, we gotta use our bond for something good.”

“As in?”

“Getting out of boring conversations.”

“You mean diplomatic talks that are important for Voltron and the universe’s future?”

“That, too.” Lance tilted his head. “Live a little, Keith. They got what they wanted, some soulbond action. Leave the rest of the night to Allura and Coran.”

“What am I supposed to do instead?”

“Spend the night with me.”

Keith couldn’t properly see Lance’s expression in the dimly-lit hallway which hopefully meant Lance wasn’t able to see the astonishment and excitement on Keith’s face. The awkward silence between them didn’t last longer than a few seconds.

“Ehhh, the evening,” Lance corrected. “The waking hours. I mean, the night obviously, too, since we share a room, a bed even but um, what I meant, originally, was, like, we two just hanging out, basically, somewhere here or outside or wherever you-”

“I get it, Lance,” Keith replied because his mind understood what Lance had meant even though his heart had dared to interpret his words differently. _Dangerous..._

“Okay. So, what do you say?” Suddenly, the echo of steps at the end of the hallway drew closer. “Shit, someone’s coming. Come over here.” Quickly, Lance leaned forward and snatched a piece of Keith’s uniform to pull him closer and together they stumbled over the wall and hid behind it, hunkered down.

“Have you seen the Earthlings?” an alien asked.

“So adorable. So tiny, I say,” another one squeaked.

“I wish I could take a look at their soulmarks. I bet they’re beautiful. Original Altean, they say.”

“Don’t talk like that!” the other gasped. “That’s not polite, you can’t see them, I say!”

“I just wish I had a mark as well,” the one sighed.

“Me too.”

“I know we’re too old to get soulmarks but… if I got my hands on soulmark ink… “

“That’s illegal!”

“I’d write your name.” There was a short pause before the other answered.

“You would?” they whispered.

“Yes.”

After that, no voices were heard anymore, only some weird fluttering noises Keith didn’t want to think about too hard; he just hoped the two were just smooching and nothing else… Meanwhile, Lance grinned at Keith. 

“That was wholesome,” he whispered. ”Also, we’re adorable.”

“Let’s get outta here,” Keith said and the two of them snuck around the wall and quickly headed into the other direction, avoiding other Etorio people as best as possible.

“By the way, um, any changes?” Lance pointed at Keith’s gloved hand. A rush of heat made his way through Keith’s body.

“Um, nothing changed since day one,” he said quietly, nervously fumbling at his glove. It wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t a lie, he tried to tell himself.

“Huh, yeah, same,” Lance said quietly as they kept walking mindlessly through the hallways. “So, what name would you write on your hand if you could?”

“That Soulmark ink they were talking about, it doesn’t work like that, Lance, it’s fake, it’s just ink in the end. Allura had told us about it on our, hm, first day. It's just for show.”

“No, I know that. What if you could choose a proper soulmark, though. Like the ones we have. If you had the power, a real soulmark. What would you write down?”

Keith took a deep breath. He had thought about it before and two answers were possible. One of the answers he already wore as a name on his hand.

“My parents’ names,” he said quietly, thankful for the darkness around them that hopefully swallowed his answer but Lance stopped in his tracks, softly touching Keith’s shoulder to make him stop next to him.

“... why?”

“Maybe… my mother would have stayed if she was bonded to me. And maybe my father… I don’t know. Maybe him as well.”

“Oh. That’s… deep. And, um, kinda sad.”

“Whatever,” Keith said and tried to brush it off with a wide gesture. “And you?”

“To be honest, I was about to make a joke but… I don’t want to anymore.”

“Sorry for killing your mood.”

“Noo! I’m… glad you told me.” Lance looked at him and Keith expected pity like he’d seen before in the eyes of others when he’d opened up to them but… he saw something else in Lance’s eyes. In Keith’s experience, pity always came from a place above him, people looking down at him, no matter if it was true or not but it felt that way. But in Lance’s eyes was sympathy from a place next to him. Nothing heavy that wrapped itself around him but something that fluttered around him, curiously even. “Sometimes I feel like I know nothing about you and I’m that open book walking around on my two legs everyone can read in whenever they want to. We… don’t talk about our bond, not really, but… I do wanna know you better, Keith. No matter what kind of bond we’ll have.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.” The touch of Lance’s fingers still lingered on his shoulder, almost as if they were still connected, almost as if there was… a bond. Keith shuffled his feet nervously. “And… Lance, just for the record, I don’t think you’re an open book. There are a lot of pages you don’t show to others and… I bet there are a bunch of interesting chapters worth reading.”

“Oh. You think so?”

“Yeah, I do.” There was a heavy pause and for once Keith wished to encounter some alien that made Lance stop staring at him with wide eyes and a soft smile on his lips... but then Lance disrupted the silence and slipped back into the role of a goofball. 

"Probably written in Comic Sans though."

"Ha! So you admit it," Keith grinned and earned a mischievous wink from Lance. "Um, for real now, tell me your wanna-be-soulmate name.”

Lance bit his lip before he averted his eyes from him. “I was about to say Iverson.”

“Oh God, why??”

“Just so that I can piss him off forever and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

Keith laughed loudly. “I want in.”

Lance held up his right hand and chuckled. “Well, you already are. Now we just need to get to Iverson and the fun can begin.”

They walked the corridors in an upbeat silence for a while, trying to avoid any contact with Etorio aliens and having fun by playing hide and seek without the others knowing about it. After a while, Lance tugged at Keith’s sleeve and nodded towards a glass door leading outside. The sun was already down and the stars shone brightly on the firmament above them as they stepped into the garden. The flowers, bushes, and meadows were a stark contrast to the desert-like area around the compound. Keith followed Lance down the stairs to a small field next to an artificial stream.

“I like it here,” Lance said and sat down to lie on his back. Slowly, Keith did the same albeit he made sure to leave enough distance between them. The evening had taken a strange turn and had led to a new intimacy between them and Keith didn’t know what to make of it. Soon they fell into another comfortable silence that lasted a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Lance suddenly said. “About me hating Galra and all. I didn’t mean that I hated you when I learned about you being half-Galra, in case that wasn’t clear enough.” Keith turned his head around and eyed him strangely. Had it still been on his mind all the time? 

“You don’t have to apologize. I know you put on a show for them. Which was, um, pretty smart, not gonna lie.”

Lance made a dismissive hand gesture but his smile was proof enough that he appreciated the compliment. “Ahh, I know, bonding over a mutual enemy, I know my way around. So you’re not mad at me?”

Keith snorted. “No. You’re the person that minded least that I’m half-Galra. It’s always been that way, even when we didn’t officially know yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when we were paired for a mission and I touched a panel in that Galra ship and it opened from my touch? Everyone else would’ve freaked out or question me.”

“Um, it pains me to admit that but to be honest, I simply didn’t think that far.”

Keith grinned. “That’s what I mean. Me neither. Sure, I thought it was weird but then we were both just like… let’s roll with it and make the best of it. You didn’t see a threat in me even though the signs were there. You never cared about me being Galra.”

“That’s not true though!” Lance pushed himself up and looked down at Keith.

“What?”

“Um, I do care about you being half Galra,” Lance insisted, “because that’s a part of you, an important one. I just never thought it would change anything between us unless you wanted it to have an impact but… you didn’t act differently towards me because of that fact so neither did I.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” Lance let himself fall back on his back. “Speaking of acting differently… That bonding thing is a lot on your mind, isn’t it?”

Keith sighed exaggeratedly. “What gave it away?”

“Well, for starters you won’t let me look at the mark. Honestly, I thought I was the one making a big fuss about it when it’s actually you. You’re incredibly tense all the time and I didn’t even know that was possible, I thought you were already maxed out or something."

Keith considered his replies but he couldn’t possibly tell Lance the truth: that he was worried about a mismatched bond between them.

"And… you don’t fight with me anymore, at least not like before. Not for real. You indulge me more. But I won't complain," Lance grinned. 

“Well, _ you _ don’t fight anymore with _ me,_" Keith replied. Also, the bickering they still did now and then made his heart do weird shit which probably means that... they weren't real fights but friendly fights... almost like... _flirting_? Keith shook his head and cleared his throat, dismissing this train of thought immediately. "And for the record, I never started anything, I only jumped on your stupid rivalry bandwagon.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you jump on it? If it’s such a stupid bandwagon, why didn’t you just jump off?”

Keith opened his mouth only to close it again. The hesitation drew a smile from Lance but Keith got his answer ready. “Someone had to hold the reins before the horses go wild with you as the only passenger.”

“Do I spot an original Texan cowboy hidden inside you?” Keith rolled his eyes. “Do you yell Yeehaa in your lion?” Keith decided to answer with an eye wiggle and Lance got wild. He shuffled closer with excited eyes. “YOU DO??”

“You flew with me, did I yell anything?”

“No, but I bet you were holding back! Oh, please don’t hold back on my account, Keithers.”

Keith chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“For real now,” Lance said quietly. “If there’s… anything I can do to make this bond thing easier for you, just… tell me.”

“It’s not about you.” Keith stared into the sky above them. “The thought of having someone… permanent in my life… it’s-- I’m not used to it. Sounds fake.”

Lance turned his head around to him and Keith felt the heavy gaze on him. The gaze that came after having opened up to someone. The moment when the way he had been seen changed. “What about Shiro?” he asked. 

“He’s pretty permanent. But that took years for me to understand.”

“Years, okay. We have years.”

“Lance.”

“What?”

“Don’t-- say things like that.”

“What things?”

“Things you don’t mean.”

“We’re flying sentient lions through space and try to save the universe. There are only five other people in existence I can share this experience with and one of them is you.” Lance smiled at him. “Remember when Allura made us dive in our lions to the ground with the lids up?”

Keith chuckled. “That hurt.”

“But you kept going.”

“Because you made me join your stupid game!”

“See. Only you and I know about that. I need to talk to you about all that stupid stuff we’ve done. Like, in ten years. Twenty years.” Gently, he nudged Keith’s arm, a soft and earnest smile on his lips. “I mean it.”

“Yeah… “

“We still don’t know what-- how our bond will be like, do we?” Lance hummed. “Do you-- feel anything? Any expectations?”

“I don’t know,” Keith lied. “You?”

Lance turned around to look at him again. “Yeah. I feel something.” There was a heavy silence between them and Keith wanted nothing more for Lance to keep talking but… he didn’t. And Keith was too afraid to ask.

“You know what I like?” Keith breathed.

“What?”

“When you talk to me like a normal human being.”

“I wish I could say the same but, you know--” Lance put his hands behind his ears and growled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You? Galra? Not a normal human being?”

“I don’t have big ears and don’t growl!”

“Oh, you do growl sometimes. Too bad about the ears. You’re sure you don’t turn full Galra every full moon?”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t.”

“Maybe you just don’t know, hm? Memory loss? Do you wake up in strange places?”

“No?”

“Well, tomorrow you’re gonna wake up in bed next to me, that’s kinda strange.”

Keith hesitated. Why did he bring this up now? “We won’t make a big deal about that, right?”

Lance huffed. “Of course not.”

“Hm…. Hey Lance?”

“Yeah?”

Keith took a deep breath. Lance had done a lot to smoothen the borders between them so it was only fair if it was now time for him to reach out a hand.

“What is it? Oh my God, are you about to say something deadly serious?”

“Fuck off,” Keith grunted. “No, scratch that.”

Lance put his tongue between his teeth and made a show of rubbing his forehead. “Scratching off the… fucking off. Done. Go on.”

“We fight a lot. Or did, at least.”

“Wow, do we? I never noticed.”

“Funny. Do you ever wonder… why?” Lance kept silent, so Keith continued. “After I got back… from the battle with the fighter...”

“You said you didn’t like how our relationship was.”

“Yeah, but I meant--”

“The fighting.” Lance turned around to him. “You don’t like the fights.” It was a statement, not a question, so Keith gave a barely visible nod, hoping Lance would carry the conversation from this point on. Because, honestly, he didn’t know what Lance thought about that. He had been the one to initiate the rivalry after all. “You said that’s just how we are,” he added.

“Well. I said that.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Is it wrong, though?” Lance countered.

Keith sighed. “I don’t know. No, it’s… it’s not wrong… but by now… “

Lance turned on his belly, looking at Keith. “Listen, man, I didn’t know another way to get closer to you. You weren’t the type to have deep conversations with under the stars or someone to geek out about something with. You… made me feel the distance between us the furthest of all the others. Even back in the Garrison but that’s a whole other story and doesn’t matter anymore. You were always so unapproachable but whenever I teased you or countered with something… you saw me.” His voice got small. “Not only that, it made me feel as if for a short time you’d only see me. I kinda liked that.” Keith’s mouth gaped open. Did this mean… that… “Oh my God, please say something, I’m low-key dying here.”

“Um. I liked that, too,” Keith quickly said.

Lance’s head darted up. “You did?”

“Every time I push you away, you try again to get close to me. I-- need that reassurance. I know, it’s fucked up. People in my life ran away for smaller things I’ve done or haven’t done so that’s what I’m doing to people who wanna get close to me. I don’t know where you get that energy from. Every time we fight, it’s you who changes the mood. That’s really shitty of me and I know that. I… I wish I was able to change that.” Keith didn’t dare to look at Lance so he waited with shallow breaths for a reply.

“Did I pass the test?”

“Huh?”

“Your test of pushing me away and waiting for me to come back. Did I pass the test yet?”

“I don’t know.”

“I really wanna pass that test now.”

Keith chuckled. “Of course you do. But be warned, that test is unfair… I have… well. A past.”

“Yeah, I know, but anyway, I’m gonna train for that, trust me.”

“That’s not how it works but… How about… can we be a bit more… ourselves tomorrow?”

Lance eyed him for a few long seconds. “You really wanna risk that? Me being me?”

“Positive.”

“Okay, but let me warn you, I can come on strong.”

“Shocking,” Keith laughed out loud, soon followed by Lance’s chuckle.

They both talked and said nothing until the second moon orbiting around the planet rose in the sky and made them aware of the time that had passed since they had left the dining hall. Keith, being the leader, put his foot down and dragged Lance back inside before someone declared them missing. They bid Allura a quick good night and Lance apologized profusely about having walked out of the meeting earlier. 

“Thankfully Keith made sure I was okay,” he explained with a grin that Allura couldn’t possibly buy but she didn’t scrutinize Lance’s words. Instead, she directed her probing look at Keith, a pair of eyebrows raised in question.

“Yeah, good night, Princess,” Keith hurried to say and awkwardly waved goodbye before turning around in the direction of their night quarters. Lance didn’t have another choice but to jog after him.

As big as the room had appeared a few hours ago, it suddenly had become rather small, especially the bed, at least as Keith perceived it. 

Keith was the first one in bed - Lance needed much more time for his skincare routine - and the minutes dragged on longer and longer. Would it become awkward, lying next to each other? When the bathroom door opened, Keith knew the answer. Yes, most certainly, since even in pajamas and with a sleeping mask on his forehead Lance was still a bright star in the middle of Keith’s universe. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and forced himself to remain as calm as possible.

“Okay, you stay over there and I stay here on my side,” Keith said. “Remember? Not a big deal.”

Lance wiggled his eyebrows. “Scared that I might cuddle you to death?”

“Lance.”

“Alright, alright, you big ol’ grumpy cat.” Lance made a show of crawling under the blanket and pointedly keeping more than enough distance between the two of them. “Satisfied, my King?”

“I told you not to call me that.”

“What are you gonna do, punish me?”

“Hmm, maybe.” Slowly, Keith put his feet against Lance's.

“AHHH!” Lance whirled around. “WHAT THE HELL, KEITH? YOU’RE LIKE ICE!”

“Oops.”

“Don’t oops me!”

Keith was about to withdraw his feet when Lance whirled around and hold them close with his own. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Warming your feet, what do you think?”

“It was a joke, you don’t actually--”

“Shht, we die like men. I mean, I will die, you will live a happy warm life. Tell our kids I love them.”

Keith felt the heat rising to his face. With every passing second, the grin on Lance’s face got bigger until he had to bite his lip. His first instinct was to push him away again but their earlier talk was still heavy on his mind. He didn’t know if Lance had passed the test yet but he wanted him to succeed so badly as well. So instead of kicking him out of bed, he gave him a small defeated smile and turned around, his back facing Lance but his cold feet still captured firmly by him.

“I will tell them,” Keith mumbled quietly. Lance’s toes wiggled happily under the sheets, gently tapping against Keith’s feet like the tail of an excited dog. Keith grinned into his pillow. Maybe allowing Lance to get closer wasn’t that hard and maybe he enjoyed it.

All he had to make sure was to not let anyone of them cross a line with no turning back.


	8. An Experiment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance try to figure out what kind of bond they might have...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good evening, that's the chapter with the implied sexual content.

### An Experiment

Their talk the night before and the shared laughter had given Keith a high he hadn’t expected. He woke up smiling and when he turned around to look at a sleeping Lance, he was downright grinning. At one point during the night, he had withdrawn his feet but the memory remained. This was as close as cuddling he’d come to in quite a while.

The presence of Voltron and the Paladins on their planet wasn’t as interesting as the presence of the bonded couple of two Earthlings, even more with one of them half Galra. Both Coran and Allura had made them promise to stay close to each other. Soulmates, especially in their Findupha, didn’t leave each other alone for long, and they wanted to make a good impression on the Etorio people. After lunch and a short talk, everyone was invited to explore the nearby city and of course there was no way, Lance, Pidge and Hunk would miss out on the local carnival. And where Lance went…

Yeah.

Keith had it bad.

The conversation the night before still stuck with him. It had been the last drop in the barrel containing his feelings for Lance which now began to spill over, massively.

It was hard not to look at Lance, hard not to think about how beautiful he was, how much he made Keith laugh, how he had felt last night next to next in bed, feet touching… Every conversation, every interaction in their recent past suddenly felt much more meaningful and… fitting to the soulmark on his hand. His inner turmoil made it hard to cling to the internalized “fact” that Lance’s soulmark would stay unchanged. Lance would never like him the way he liked him but the way he acted around him threw him off. For instance, he talked a lot to Keith. With long eye contact. And some touches now and then, on his back, the arm and one time he even took his hand to drag him into another ride.

The carnival was filled with Etorio people and Hunk, Pidge, Lance and Keith stood out, naturally. Lance was the only one who didn’t seem to mind the attention. Not that he reeled in it, no, quite the opposite: he ignored it. This day was already weird and Keith could only imagine it was about to get a whole lot weirder.

They had just finished taking a short break to eat some snacks and were on their way to the next ride, when Lance walked backward in front of him, his eyes glued to Keith. 

“You sure you can handle the Big Mountain Thingy Rollercoaster?” he teased him.

“Is this where we’re headed to?” 

“Yeah. You coming or what?”

Keith smiled and stared back into those challenging eyes. “You bet.” They both didn’t see the lamppost Lance was walking into, bumping his head against the cold steel.

“Lance!”

“Ouch! That hurt,” he complained and touched the back of his head to check if there was blood. Nothing. Keith exhaled in relief when Lance didn’t show any signs of serious head damage.

“It’s stupid to walk backward.”

“Well, it was your fault,” Lance grinned and rubbed the back of his head.

Keith huffed in amusement and folded his arms. “My fault? How so?”

Lance turned down his gaze. “Had to look at you.” 

Keith stopped breathing as if his body wanted to stop time from moving. The tingling sensation in his stomach made it hard to come up with a reply, be it sarcastic or sincere. Keith couldn’t tell if he managed to keep a calm face. Lance nibbled at his lip as he cautiously looked at him through his long eyelashes and Keith became very aware that he was staring right back at him. A sharp intake of air later and Keith still tried to keep control over his facial expression. 

“Um. Don’t get hurt.”

“Can’t promise that,” Lance said quietly. “We’re basically soldiers, right? The risk of death comes with the job description a wise king once said.”

“There’s a difference between getting hurt in a necessary battle and walking backward against a lamppost because… you were talking to me.”

“Uh, uh,” Lance said and raised a finger, “I said I was looking at you.”

Keith glinted past Lance. Hunk and Pidge were already standing in front of the entrance to what indeed looked like a huge rollercoaster, much alike to some attractions on Earth.

“The others are waiting.”

“So let them wait,” Lance shrugged and flashed Keith a smug smile.

“You wanna stay here? Leaning against this lamppost?” 

“Depends on what you wanna do.” The way Lance leaned slightly towards him made it hard for Keith to keep his thoughts straight, pun intended.

“I thought we were on our way to the rollercoaster.”

“Oh. Right.”

Keith tilted his head. “Are you okay? Hit your head too hard?”

“Something like that.” He grinned. "Just being more myself like you wanted us to be. There might be collateral damage, though.” Keith couldn’t compute what his teammate, no, his soulmate was doing. It looked almost as if he was-- No. He was probably just making fun of him.

“Lance… “ Keith sighed because sighing Lance’s name was usually the thing he did if he didn’t know how to react around him.

“Just saying. One day you might get hurt so consider this my warning.”

“Hurt?”

“I might pin you down again…” With those words and a wink, Lance turned around and headed towards the entrance of the rollercoaster ride, leaving Keith breathlessly and with a fluttering heart. 

Hours went by and Lance didn’t dial down on whatever he was doing. Bumping into Keith, saying things, looking at him as if he-- well, it was distressing. It was distressing to a degree that Hunk couldn’t watch it any longer and led him a few steps away from Pidge and Lance standing in line in front of a juice booth.

“Keith,” he said and put a soothing hand on his shoulder, “I’m just gonna ask straight away. Do you think your bond could be something else than a Voltron bond?” Keith’s eyes immediately went to Lance in the line and the latter caught his gaze. When Lance noticed Hunk was talking to him, he turned around rather swiftly, chatting up Pidge but Keith noticed the nervous blush on his face anyway, as if he knew what Hunk was talking to him about. Interesting. Mortifying!

“Um. I don’t know,” Keith murmured as an answer. He sure knew what he wanted their relationship to be like but that wasn’t going to happen anyway. Hunk’s probing eyes didn’t leave him so he gave him a shrug as if he couldn’t be bothered. “I mean, um, what-- what do you think?”

Hunk chuckled. “Let’s take a walk?”

“Su-- sure.” Keith didn’t dare to look back when Hunk led him out of the crowded area of the carnival. He was too preoccupied thinking about the impression this act had to leave on Lance when Hunk stopped him and pointed at a bench behind a small circus tent. They took a seat. Hunk probably meant it well when he gave Keith some time to calm his mind in a comfortable silence but Keith was too nervous. “Umm, you said something about another kind of bond. So what do you think?”

Hunk smiled warmly at him. “I’m not talking about romance here, not necessarily. A Voltron bond is good, too, without a doubt, but it would mean you two were connected because you work together.”

“So?”

“Did you ever consider it might not have to do with Voltron but because you two... like each other? As people?”

“Oh.” Before Keith could answer, Hunk continued.

“I have eyes in my head, we all do, and frankly, Keith, we talk. Like, everyone in the Castle. We think this whole soulmate thing is kind of tough on you but we don’t want to pressure you into talking to one of us. Back in the Castle, I offered you to talk to me. I know it has to be hard without Shiro around. I don’t know what your relationship with Lance is like at this moment, I mean, I can guess and I know what Lance tells me about you but that’s it.”

Keith furrowed his brows. “Lance talks about me?”

“Buddy, you’re his rival - or were -, leader of Voltron and his soulmate. Of course, he talks about you.” Keith was flabbergasted. “He talks about you quite a bit.”

“I didn’t know that. What… does he say?” Maybe Lance had already voiced his doubts about their bond. Maybe he was ranting about him, hating the bond he was stuck with. Then again, Lance acted very friendly towards him. Well, more than friendly...

“Oh, I can’t possibly repeat Lance’s words but, um… “

“Does he hate the bond?”

Hunk’s mouth gaped open, then closed. “Keith, he doesn’t hate the bond, not at all. Is this what you’re worried about? You-- you have to notice how Lance behaves around you, right? He doesn’t hate you or the bond. You’re close now - I mean, you guys were always close - but--”

“Yeah, but for the wrong reasons.”

“The wrong reasons?”

Shit.

“I mean for _ different _reasons.” Keith didn’t dare to look at Hunk so he focused his gaze on his feet, well knowing his friend didn’t buy his sloppy correction.

“You two dialed down a bit on the battlefront.”

“Hmhmm.”

“How did that happen?”

“Actually, I think we became friends...?”

“Cool. Because I think that, too.” He gave Keith a soft bump into the shoulder. “Can I give you some advice? Tell him. Or, well, show him. Believe it or not, Lance worries a lot, too, and thinks you might not like him and, um, stuff. He hopes you two are friends.” Thankfully, Hunk didn’t ask any more awkward questions and soon they were back with the others. The worst thing about the conversation was the fact that it had given Keith a boost of hope but also increased the feeling of dread. He had just admitted and, by saying it out loud, also committed to a friendship with Lance and Hunk had supported it. Which was nice. Being closer to Lance and all, and according to Hunk, Lance thought the same. Then again… what did it matter? Friends? Even if they were friends, it was still about to be a mismatched bond. 

~~

The sun was slowly setting when Lance and Keith found themselves waiting in front of a ride Hunk and Pidge were only too eager to get on but bored the hell out of the other two Paladins. They hadn’t talked properly the last few hours, not since Hunk had pulled him aside, but that hadn’t stopped Lance from… looking at him. In a certain way.

“Can I talk to you?” Lance disrupted the silence between them and, without giving Keith a chance to answer, led them between two booths where they were shielded from curious eyes.

“So… “ Lance began and his entire posture screamed awkwardness. It was endearing and made Keith a tiny bit braver. “What I want to tell you is--”

“I… consider you a friend, Lance,” Keith blurted out. Lance’s eyes grew big and he blinked a few times. 

“Oh, I-- I consider you a friend, too. Also I--”

"Maybe the bond has nothing to do with Voltron. I mean, that was only Coran and Allura's first guess, right?" Keith cringed. “Sorry, I keep interrupting you, I was--”

"You think our bond means we're gonna be friends?" 

“There’s a difference between what I think and what I wish.”

“So what do you wish?”

“That we’re friends.” Keith paused. “At least.”

Lance took a step closer. "At least? Is there… something else on your mind?" 

"The way you behave towards me I should be the one asking you this." The words had left his mouth before he was able to think about the consequences. Lance kept staring at him and Keith was sure he hadn't blinked in the last minute. 

"Then ask."

"What do you think our bond will be like?" 

"Honestly? I don't know." 

Keith hummed, but then Lance continued. "So we said it could be a Voltron bond and it would feel right. We said we're friends and it would also feel right."

"Yeah."

"I was wondering… if there was another option we should consider."

"Like?" Keith croaked and he felt the blood rushing through his ears. 

"Coran said our bond is nothing that's not already there. And I know what I feel. But I don't know about you. You give me mixed vibes when I'm flirting with you."

Keith’s eyes widened and he froze. "You were flirting with me?" 

Lance scoffed. "Come on, Keith, don't play dumb."

Keith hadn't play dumb. He'd seen it all day, saw the signs but... just couldn't _believe_ it. It was still hard to not take this as a joke.

"Was this part of being more true to yourself?" 

Lance grinned. "Maybe. Was it... alright? The flirting? Or too much? I mean, did I--" Lance squinted his eyes, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Did you-- enjoy? It? Me? The, you know, flirting, thingy, stuff, ummm."

Keith nodded, his mouth dry and his hands sweaty. "Yeah," he breathed and Lance's eyes lit up. "I'm just not... used to it."

"Then... I'm proposing an experiment."

"What for?" 

“Can I try something?”

“Um. Sure?”

Lance leaned forward, then stopped. “When I say try, I mean--” Keith waited, his eyes flicking between Lance’s eyes and his lips. “Tell me if I overstep… but… may I kiss you?”

Keith's stomach did a bunch of somersaults, his entire skin tingling as he breathed his one-worded reply. 

“Yes.”

“Yes I overstep or yes I can kiss you?”

“Just… get it over with.”

“Aren’t you a romantic…,” Lance whispered.

"Just impatient and--" 

Before Keith was able to finish his sentence a hand was gently touching his chin. Lance’s hand. With a last smirk that looked more nervous than sincere, he slowly closed the distance between him and Keith, giving the other one a chance to change his mind. 

Keith _ so _didn't change his mind about kissing Lance.

The kiss started a bit sloppy. Their noses bumped together a few times because they both tried to lean into the same direction until Lance huffed and held Keith’s chin in place, giving their lips a chance to properly slot together. Their quick pecks quickly gained more heat and lost a lot of their initial innocence in a matter of seconds. Keith’s fingers danced around Lance’s waist and the tiny part in his brain that was still available for emergencies contemplated if he should hold him, maybe even pull him closer… because… that seemed to be his greatest wish in this moment. Well, this and that Lance won’t ever stop kissing him. As if the boy had read his mind, Lance withdrew and Keith couldn’t help himself but to let out a disappointed grunt… but then Lance whispered a question against his lips.

“Are you somehow opposed to my tongue in your mouth?”

Keith took the chance to take in Lance’s beautiful blue eyes in front of him before he shook his head.

“No,” he said, “I’m--”

“Great,” Lance replied and back were his lips and honestly, Keith didn’t mind getting shut up by Lance’s lips - and tongue. It was divine. Stars were born, stars died and his hands finally found Lance’s hips to hold onto. 

They went on with their make-out session and he would be embarrassed about the noises Lance drew out of him if Lance weren’t given him equal audible responses every other second.

“Good… experiment,” he murmured between kisses.

_Experiment._

Right. This wasn’t real. 

A bucket of reality got emptied over Keith. A reality where he and Lance would never be together because-- His left hand let go of the Paladin in front of him. Keith pulled away and glanced at Lance. His pupils were blown wide, his lips puffy and his cheeks were dusted red.

“Well. Do you feel any different… towards me?”

“Yeah,” Lance breathed and tried to lean back in but Keith’s hands on his shoulders stopped him.

“Yeah?”

“I’m kissing you, of course, I feel-- different,” Lance mumbled. Gently, he pushed Keith’s hands away, not breaking eye contact with him. And Keith let him. The ground under him seemed to open and swallow them when Lance invaded his space again and began kissing Keith’s neck. 

“Lance,” Keith sighed with as much reproach in his voice as he was able to manage - which wasn’t much.

“It’s for science,” Lance breathed against his skin. “How does it feel?”

“Good… “ Lance pushed back some of Keith’s hair strains to reveal more skin his lips could tend to. Keith’s arms were wrapped around Lance’s back, his hands curling around his jacket.

“Because kisses are good or because… it’s me?”

Another bucket of reality. Keith pulled away, quicker than he had wanted to. There was something vulnerable in Lance’s eyes and Keith didn’t want to smash it. God, yes, he felt good because kisses were good but also because it was Lance. Lance was kissing him. That just happened.

“You regret it,” Lance stated calmly.

“No, I don’t!” Keith hurried to say because that concerned look on Lance’s face didn’t suit him. “Um, I just think we should wait. It’s only one week and a few days until… you know. What if this isn’t meant to be...”

“Then we’re just doing it anyway.” Lance chuckled. “Um, okay, that came out a bit weird but it’s not entirely wrong.”

“Um, I don’t know, Lance. I think we should wait.”

“Look who’s making a big deal out of it once again...” Keith made an apologetic grimace. “Right,” Lance continued and ran his hands through his already messed-up hair, “I forgot how superstitious you are. One and a half week until we know.” He furrowed his brows and bit his lip that Keith desperately wanted to kiss again. “So… we’re good?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, “we’re good.”

The kisses had left Keith light-headed. His skin was buzzing and it took all of his strength to not touch Lance again. Every accidental or intentional touch was like electricity in Keith’s body. It was a calm before a storm but… the storm was about to be something else than they both knew.

Around others, it was almost like nothing had happened. But when they were in their room alone, the tension rose up but they did their mighty best to ignore it. They barely talked and went to bed in silence.

~~

When Keith woke up the next morning, he found Lance staring at him intensely and the first thought that came into his mind was ‘wow, we kissed’ which is a good thought in a slightly awkward situation.

“What?” Keith croaked and yawned behind his hand to hide a possible blush creeping up from the thought of Lance’s lips on him. “What’s wrong? Did I snore or--”

“Do you still want us to be more ourselves or… not?” The question caught Keith off guard. Slowly, he turned his head back around to look at Lance and frowned.

“Yeah, why?”

“I was being myself and you didn’t change much. I thought you might have changed your mind about it.” The tone of his voice was light but the question itself wasn’t. Keith could only wonder if Lance had this question on his mind all night. The mood between them had changed after their kiss and Keith’s... rejection.

“How do you expect me to be?” Keith asked bluntly. “Did I fail to be what you wanted me to be?”

“I don’t expect anything,” Lance replied strongly and stemmed himself up on his elbows, “I guess I was just… I don’t know... “

“Hoping for me to be… different?”

“No, not different but-- never mind.” Lance let himself fall flat on his back, a hand covering his eyes. “I’m being stupid is all. You’re fine, Keith.”

Keith wanted to be more himself as well but that would include to actively respond to Lance’s… advances. But Lance actually and sincerely liking him was too unrealistic. The mark on his hand said otherwise. But then again, there was still time for it to change. Keith pulled his feet up and pushed them against Lance’s legs, causing him to almost topple out of bed.

“What the fuck?!”

“You’re not stupid.” For a moment, they just looked at each other. “Now let’s get breakfast, I’m hungry,” Keith added and got up, hoping Lance stopped freaking out about the day before because, honestly, Keith still did so himself.

Except for some other aliens, they were alone at the breakfast table. Keith began to suspect that Hunk and Pidge had given them some space on purpose. On one hand, he appreciated it but on the other hand, he didn’t want his and Lance’s thing to blow out of proportion. A chaperone for his thoughts and feelings would be much appreciated.

“What are we gonna do today?” Lance asked after drowning his cup of hot-chocolate-like substance. 

“Um, actually I have some talks with Allura and the Etorio.”

“How boring.” 

“Yeah, that’s why I’m gonna ask them to let you join.”

“What? Oh no, you won’t. Why do you want to make me suffer?” Keith opened his mouth to reply with a playful insult but Lance’s words echoed in his mind. Words about them being more themselves… which included a certain amount of honesty.

“Actually,” Keith said, “I want to make myself suffer less.” Lance put his elbow on the table and leaned his chin against his hand, eyes fluttering in a way that made Keith feel Things™.

“With me being around?”

Keith shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Hmm. Will there be drinks?”

“Why, are you thirsty?”

Lance’s answer was a long stare with raised eyebrows and a mischievous smirk on his face that made Keith question if had missed out on something. 

“I’m very thirsty.”

“Well, I’m sure there’s some water if-- “ Keith stopped only for the splinter of a second when he noticed the innuendo - if it even was one, ha - but that was all it took for Lance to break out into laughter and casually bumped his arm against Keith. 

“Well, if there are drinks then I guess it’s okay.” Lance’s hand briefly touched Keith’s and Keith was convinced he was about to die for a second. “Lead the way, then.”

The talk with the Etorio people was a mess and was only saved thanks to Allura’s sharp mind and diplomatic talent. Lance barely left Keith’s side when the aliens led them around in their weapon chamber. It all started rather harmless when Lance pointed out weird technical devices and compared them to, well, certain equipment one would usually find in a bedroom. (And no, they hadn't opened the drawer and Keith didn't intend to.) Usually, Keith wasn’t one to enjoy this particular sense of humor but something about Lance - or simply said everything about Lance - was intoxicating. It didn’t take long until they both were a giggling mess and although Keith tried his best to engage in a conversation with the alien ambassador, Allura had to intervene before someone thought he was laughing about the Etorio as a people.

After the tour, Keith excused himself to the restroom to splash some water on his face. 

His mind was in chaos. The last few hours had been fun as hell but something else had begun to stir inside his… body? He had known he liked Lance, romantically even, but until recently, he hadn’t had the urge to kiss him. That now had changed. A lot. And some more. He enjoyed being close to Lance, being close to Lance was as necessary as breathing, and… he caught himself thinking… well, daydreaming, really, about being even closer to him. Like, really close. Body to body close. Naked. In bed. Or anywhere else, Keith had it bad, he almost didn’t care. He just wanted Lance--

“You know Lance flirts with you, right?” Keith turned around with a start. Pidge was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, witty eyes focused on him. “And you’re not exactly too eager to put a stop to this so I can only hope the feeling’s mutual. Um. Sorry for the ambush but I care about you two a lot. Lance is like a brother to me and… “ She apologetically shook her head. “I didn’t want to give you The Talk but look, I don’t want to see him getting hurt. Neither of you, for that matter. I can only imagine that the soulbond between you two changed some things, even for you. But if you think you only have to like him because of the bond, it’s shitty. Lance likes you sincerely. For a long time now, way longer than the soulbond.”

“Well, I don’t like him just because of the soulbond.”

“So you like him because….?”

“Because.... We’re friends?”

“That all? I mean, you two smooched.”

“How on fucking Earth do you even know that?”

“First, not on Earth, second, Keith, my friend, Lance is a talker.”

“Sure, okay, we kissed, it was a test and we agreed to wait until the bond is fully formed. Any more questions?”

“Did you have sex?”

“Oh my God, I’m leaving, Pidge,” Keith mumbled, ears flushed red but Pidge blocked the door. She wasn't able to read minds now, was she?

“Sorry. Just-- If you’re not into Lance, you should tell him.”

Keith huffed. As far as he was concerned, it was the other way round. Lance wasn’t as much into him as he was into Lance. But Pidge didn’t need to know about that.

“I’m leaving,” Keith repeated and Pidge took a step aside to let him through. He stopped in the door frame and bit his lip. “And… there’s nothing to tell him, on my part.”

“You’re into him??”

“BYE, PIDGE!”

“I won’t tell him, hahaha!”

~~

They didn’t mention the kiss anymore. It had been a test and nothing more and Lance didn’t push for any more talks about their soulmark and possible bond. He did flirt though, especially when the others were out of hearing range. The only place where their talks almost died down completely was their bedroom. Days went by, days full of flirtatious lines and shared laughter, and every night they entered their room, Lance quickly got ready for bed and stayed on his side of the bed.

Although they didn’t talk much, the silence was loud. 

And the air was filled with tension Keith had a hard time dealing with… until he couldn’t deal with it any longer.

“Can you check your communicator?”

“Why?” Keith yawned in bed next to Lance.

“I’m sure Coran texted you about our flight show next month on Howaton, he said he was about to text you tonight, I heard him. I wanna know what we’ll be doing.”

Keith grunted. “Just wait until tomorrow, he will tell you.” The mattress shifted under Keith and a second later he realized why. Lance was leaning over him and took up Keith’s communicator to check the new message.

“Ha, he texted. Cool, we'll be doing the same show as on Gomolan. Also, you have three missed calls from an unknown number.”

Keith barely heard his words. Lance’s hand was pressed next to his face, his body was hovering above him as he tried to put down the device on the night shelf again. His neck stretched and the muscles of his arm flexed to support his weight. A huff of air escaped Keith and his lips parted. The unexpected feeling came in a rush and consumed him entirely. Not only had he never been so turned on in his whole life, he also realized how much gone he already was for this guy above him. And he was so close. But not close enough.

“What?” Lance asked when he leaned slightly back and looked down at Keith. “I like to prepare myself mentally for our flight show.”

That wasn’t Keith’s problem. 

His fingers twitched in anticipation to touch Lance’s neck and to pull him roughly down to him. To make their lips crash, to make Lance’s body press against his. In the shadow of the night, he saw Lance staring back at him. Neither of them moved. Neither of them said a word. Only their shallow breaths were audible. 

“Are you gonna slap me again? And push me away?” Slowly but determined Keith reached up and pushed some hair strands out of Lance’s face, his fingers resting on his neck. “Keith?” Lance asked confused and, boy, confusion was a good look on him in his moment. 

“I need you to kiss me,” Keith breathed.

Time stood still.

Before Lance’s mind could catch up with those words, the pressure on his neck increased and he leaned down until their foreheads pressed together. 

“You mean it?”

“I think I’ll die if you don’t kiss me now.”

“Can’t let that happen,” Lance mumbled. “No deaths on my watch.”

Keith chuckled nervously when some relief washed over him. Bless Lance to make a light joke to calm his nerves after he’d just confessed something very intimate to him. Gently, Lance pressed his lips on Keith’s… and withdrew before Keith was able to react.

“Did I already save you or are you still dying?”

“Dying.”

Lance stared at him for a moment. “So, you are a romantic after all.”

Keith huffed in response, his ears flaming red. “I’m not--”

And just like before Lance’s lips shut him up. Things got hot very quickly and Keith was glad when Lance took the reins in his hands to ask the really important questions.

“Can I touch you?”

“Where?”

“Dunno. Everywhere… I wanna touch you everywhere.“

“Okay.”

“You’re not gonna slap me again?”

“Not if you behave.”

“Not sure I can.”

“Not sure I want you to.” Lance leaned away and stared at him with a playfully raised eyebrow. “I won’t slap you, Lance. Um, remember what you said to me before I slapped you? When you beat me during training?”

“I-- yeah, kind of.”

“Did you mean it?”

“I… did.”

“Would you say it again? Right now?”

“Keith, I’m still embarrassed it slipped out and I--”

“Would you?”

Lance paused, breathing heavily. “Yeah.”

“Then say it again.” Their hot breaths mingled for some beats.

“You look good in this position,” Lance swallowed. “We should do that again… ” Keith waited. “With fewer clothes.” Keith nodded breathlessly, his fingers curling around the hem of Lance’s shirt and giving it an impatient tug.

“Okay.”

“Keith, wait,” Lance said softly and gently wrapped his hand around Keith’s wrist to stop him. “You sure you wanna do this?”

“I wanna be closer to you. What about you?”

Lance let out an airy laugh. “I want you so much, Keith, you have no idea.”

Keith brushed back some strains of his hair. Honestly, he had no idea, how could he, without Lance having a developed mark, right?

“Then show me,” he said and leaned up, his lips catching Lance’s and pulling him down again.

~~

Keith regretted it as soon as it was over and he basically sprinted into the bathroom, grabbing some clothes on his way. The water ran down on his body and only under the shower he realized he was missing his glove. Fuck. His blood ran hot and cold through his body. Lance hadn’t seen it, he couldn’t have seen it, otherwise, he’d said something already, right?

“Keith? Are you okay?”

He ignored Lance outside the bathroom and increased the temperature of the water, a futile attempt to wash away the guilt he felt after his recent action. Well, both of their actions. Sure, Keith had been the one initiating the sex but Lance had been only too eager to comply, so was it only _ his _fault? It probably was. It most certainly had been the worst thing to happen between them but at least Lance had consented to this stupid act.

But God, it had felt so good. It had been messy but not as quick as his first urge had been. A bit hasty maybe but it hadn’t been about the sex or chasing their orgasms, well, not only. To kiss Lance, to feel Lance, to look at Lance and having Lance look at him. To hear Lance giggle in between in a moment of self-awareness and Keith had kissed that giggle right off his face to make it his own. 

Keith closed his eyes under the hot water and replayed the last minutes in his head.

When it had been over, Keith’s heart had realized it was only the beginning.

Lance had leaned down again and kissed him long and intensely… and Keith didn’t want to let him go, ever. Seconds turned to minutes and although they were tired, covered in sweat and other body fluids, their kisses didn’t stop. Never in his entire life had Keith felt so alive, happy and lazy as in this moment: with Lance laying on top of him, his hands playing with his hair, stroking his forehead and cheeks, sighing quietly into his mouth with sheer content. Keith had his arms wrapped around Lance, his hands caressing his back, gently holding him in place, making sure he won’t leave this place, ever.

And then Lance had to look into his eyes and ruin everything. 

He had leaned back, his fingers gently pushing away the strains of hair clinging to Keith’s damp forehead… and Keith saw something he’d rather not have seen: Lance’s expression matched the way Keith was feeling. And that was something that couldn’t be true. Lance couldn’t feel the same way. The unchanged mark told him so. Also, Lance liking him the way he liked Lance? Impossible. Someone like Lance… couldn’t like someone messed-up as he was: someone with abandonment issues, low self-esteem he constantly tried to hide and all the other crap he carried around inside his mind.

That was the moment when he bolted through the room and hid in the bathroom.

“Keith, I’m not gonna leave until you tell me you’re alive in there.”

Fuck. 

“I’m alive,” Keith croaked towards the door as he put on his shorts and shirt.

“Thank God, I didn’t know how I was gonna explain a bunch of aliens how my soulmate ended up dead in the bathroom. Are you gonna get out anytime soon? No? Fine. I have aaaaaall the time.” Keith heard Lance’s body slump against the door and took it as a sign to do the same. The tiles were a bit cold but he didn’t mind.

“Do you, um, wanna talk about it?”

Keith kept quiet and leaned his head against the door. He most certainly didn’t want to talk about how he just persuaded Lance in the most embarrassing and needy way possible in having a steamy one-night-stand with him. 

“No? Alright, then I talk. So, we just had sex. I just, um, wanted to say it aloud, in case you’re trying to pretend it didn’t happen or anything.” Keith closed his eyes. Damnit. “I swear, I usually have more stamina but you kinda jumped me - and I don’t mean it in a bad way. It was just, you know, really hot.” Keith felt his face flushing. He didn’t last very long either for the same reason but a reply would require him talking so he kept silent. “Anyway,” Lance continues with a thick voice, “this is certainly the worst moment to tell you this but… I mean, you probably already know because Hunk never fails to tell me how bad I am at hiding my crush. Oh.” A brief silence followed and Keith pressed a hand against his mouth. What did he just-- “Yeah, so there, I said it. I, um, like you, Keith. For a while now, actually.”

He shouldn’t be surprised because a part of him already knew but hearing Lance say it was a whole different thing. It made it real. He wanted to reply, he did, but what was he supposed to say? His eyes glanced at the heart on his hand. I like you too? I might fall in love with you? I’m already halfway there?

“And I know we said the kiss was just a test, more or less. And… um, the sex, it doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want to. I guess.”

As long as Lance’s hand was lacking any sign that confirmed their bond was the same it implied on Keith’s hand, he didn’t want to jinx it. So they had kissed, made out and had sex. And Lance liked him. That didn’t mean--

Keith sighed.

It was still a mismatched bond. They were doomed to be unhappy. Lance was never able to love him the same way Keith would love him. And it would only bring them pain.

A nervous shuffle of feet disrupted the silence. 

“Just, tell me something,” Lance said quietly. “Did a penis appear next to my name?” Keith groaned. Leave it to Lance to make this situation goofy. “Oh, wow, it makes noises. Alright, I’m gonna get something to drink so you can get over whatever you need to get over with and hide in bed.”

A few seconds later, the whooshing sound of the sliding door confirmed Lance’s words and Keith did just that: quickly exiting the bathroom to hide under the safety of the bedsheets before Lance returned. 

“I know you’re not asleep but whatever, man.”

Keith tried to ignore the hurt in Lance’s voice but in the end, it kept him awake for most of the night, even when Lance’s steady breathing told him he’d fallen asleep and Keith finally dared to stare at the beautiful boy next to him. And at his uncovered hand that only says _ Keith _but nothing else.


	9. Underwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go well and then not at all.

### Underwater

The solar system’s sun wasn’t up yet when Keith snuck out of the bed, leaving behind Lance snoring quietly. He tried not to stare for too long. The feeling of shame still lingered inside his mind and body. He shouldn’t have-- they shouldn’t have-- 

At least not before the markings had shown them what their final relationship would be like. As far as Keith could tell, it had been a one-night-stand. The heart in his chest wasn’t amused and the heart on his hand was mocking him for his rash decision to, well, tell Lance exactly what he had wanted the night before: to be close to him.

Keith wandered the empty hallways reminding himself that it wasn’t in his hands (or heart) to decide how he and Lance felt towards each other. Well, in his case it was crystal clear: he was about to fall in love with Lance. But Lance? No way. After Lance had fallen asleep, Keith had caught a glimpse of his right hand. No change. No _fucking_ change. Coran’s words echoed in his mind. _It was nothing that wasn’t already there._ The result of their bond, the final marking, was based on something both of them felt already, at least to some extent. Keith had a soft spot for Lance for a long time now until it had developed to a proper crush. And during the last few weeks, the heart on his hand had become the one thing that made sense. 

There wasn’t much time left in their Findupha and Keith found himself thinking about the possibility to-- no. That was wrong. Wasn’t it? Pretending that there was still a chance for Lance’s mark to change? The night before, he had confessed having a crush on Keith but… that couldn’t be true, right? _Right?_

Soon the sun was up and Keith had spent an hour in the training room of the Etorio and had grabbed something to eat, wondering where the hell the others were. When he glimpsed into the bedroom again Lance had been gone, too. Whatever, the compound was huge so they were probably here _somewhere_... He grabbed his communicator and continued his walk.

He had just left the hallway and entered the garden he and Lance had gazed into the sky when his communicator beeped. Oh right. The missed calls from the night before. With wide eyes, he answered the requested video call.

“Shiro!”

“Hey Keith! It’s so good to hear from you. I tried to call you last night but I guess you must've been, ehh, busy... I finally reached Allura an hour ago. I’m sorry for not responding earlier, we were stuck on a planet without any reception. Bad news: we're still far away and another mission started already... I'll be back in two months. I'm so sorry.”

The connection was still bad and fuzzy but there he was, Shiro, leaning against a small spaceship. A city surrounded by a lot of green and violet trees was seen in the background.

“Oh damn.”

Shiro nodded. “Yeah. Also, our ship broke down and it took ages to repair it - the planet wasn't that far evolved yet - so until now it was mostly like a holiday.” Keith didn’t miss the smile Shiro had tried to suppress and it made him chuckle.

“And Matt is still with you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I see. So how are things between you and him? Any development?”

“Ah.” Shiro’s hand went up to press against the back of his neck. “Well, things are good. They’re-- good.” 

“Shiroooo…. “

Shiro sighed but something very warm was in his voice. “We are very good. I expect a Don’t Hurt My Brother lecture from Pidge as soon as we’re back and told you all.”

Finally!

“Congrats, Shiro,” Keith said and grinned into his communicator, also thinking about the talk she had already given him about Lance. “That took you long enough.”

“You’re one talking… “

Keith huffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

There was a brief awkward pause and Keith didn’t know what to expect but the following words were the last thing he thought Shiro would talk about.

“Keith, um, listen. I know we’re far away from Earth and, um, you have certain needs, we all do, most of us, I mean, the ones who have those needs--”

Keith leaned away from the screen and raised both eyebrows. “Huh?”

Shiro paused for a moment, then continued with a slightly strained voice. “Just because we’re in space doesn’t mean there aren’t any risks of getting certain illnesses. If you need any kind of supplies or protection, you can always talk to--”

“WHAT?”

“Keith, it’s fine, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Why are you talking to me about this? How do you even...oh my God, how do you _know_??”

Shiro bit his lip. “I might, um, have heard something.” His eyebrow-wiggle made Keith’s face fall before he pulled himself together again as best as possible.

“Hang on, we’re-- we’re talking about… “ Keith ruffled his hair in exasperation. “But… When? When did he-- I mean, it’s the fucking morning and-- ”

“Actually, I heard it from Allura who heard it from Coran who heard it from Hunk who, well, got told by Lance, I suppose. No details, if that’s any consolation. Just that you two had a fun night and Allura sent a... lot of emojis. Was it fun, though? If he hurt you then I’m--”

“He-- he didn’t hurt me,” Keith stammered and felt the heat rising up into his cheeks. “Um, in fact, I was the one who might have… initiated it. “

Shiro grinned. “Of course you did.”

“Excuse me?” Keith snapped.

“Nothing, nothing! I knew you had a thing for loverboy but I wasn’t aware you had it… “

“That bad?”

“Yep.”

“Surprise,” Keith said lamely but Shiro just smiled at him warmly.

“So, Matt already talked to me after he called you to apologize a couple of weeks ago so… Sorry about that, Allura still seemed to be a bit too hyped about it. But well, I guess you and Lance _did_ find a way to get along after all the arguments and fights you two had. All by yourselves. I’m proud of you, Keith. ”

Matt's apology? Whatever that had been about, Keith dismissed it. He wasn't holding any grudge against Shiro's new boyfriend so they were good anyway. 

A way to get along was a nice way to put it though... As much as he had wanted to talk to Shiro about his soulbond with Lance, now was probably the worst moment. His friend had to know about the game changer that covered his and Lance’s hands from Allura but Keith didn’t want to breach the subject there and now and apparently Shiro didn't feel the need to push him. 

“It’s… nothing,” Keith said instead. “We hooked up and that’s it.”

“What do you say if we pay the space mall another visit as soon as I’m back and buy some things for you? I can wait outside if you want me to.”

“Oh my God,” Keith sighed and rubbed his face, ”I think I’m old enough to buy my own sex stuff. Also, I don’t-- I don’t need anything. It won’t happen again.”

“Are you sure?”

Keith whirled around. Lance leaned against the doorframe with a smirk on his face and a cup of the Etorio version of a hot chocolate in his hands. His hair was an adorable mess and Keith wanted to hate him but the butterflies in his stomach laughed at him. Quickly, he pointed his finger at Lance who leaned way too seductively in his direction.

"Is this Shiro? Hey Shir--"

“You! Me! Bedroom!”

“Hola, sweetheart, are you already hungry for breakfast and--”

“TO TALK!” Keith bellowed. 

“Yes, my king,” Lance replied dutifully with a mocking salute and walked back to their room while Keith ended his conversation with Shiro laughing on the other line.

~~

“I don’t even know when you had the time to do so but you told Hunk about last night! And now even Shiro knows that we-- you know.”

“Had mind-blowing sex?” 

Keith resisted the urge to hide his flushed face in his hands. What did it matter now? Meanwhile, Lance shrugged as he sat cross-legged on the bed, flashing Keith his big innocent puppy eyes that already made him weak in his knees again. Quickly, he took a seat on the chair on the other side of the room. 

“So? He’s my best friend,” Lance explained. “I tell him everything.” Keith ran his fingers through his hair. Things were slowly getting out of control and he didn’t know how to deal with it. And ‘things’ was only a less scary word for his feelings and what they made him do.

“You tell him every time you have sex with someone?”

“D’uh, obviously.”

“So then why does he have to talk about it with Coran? I didn’t hear other stories.”

Lance furrowed his brows and stared at his fingers as if they were the most interesting thing in the room. A light blush appeared on his cheeks. “Dude. There are no other stories to tell,” he mumbled.

Keith propped his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward in confusion. “Huh? You mean in space?”

“Earth included.”

Two pairs of eyes met and in the moment of understanding, Keith sat back straight in his chair and took a sharp intake of air.

“That was your first time!” he said with wide eyes.

“Yeah, well, I thought you knew that.”

Keith groaned. No, he hadn't known that. How could he have known that loverboy Lance McClain… was actually still a virgin? 

“Was I too rough with you? Was it too much or--”

Lance laughed, he laughed so much his eyes were closed and his dimples were prominent on his face and Keith wanted to stare at him forever when suddenly Lance turned around, took a pillow from the bed and threw it at Keith… who was too mesmerized to catch it in time so it hit him right in his face. 

“Dude, chill,” Lance said softly. “You did all the work when you took yours and my--“ Lance’s words got cut short when the same pillow hit him on his face.

“I know what I did!”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Lance grinned. “Also, being ambidextrous comes in handy for you, doesn’t it?”

“I need more pillows to throw at you.”

Lance smiled smugly. “You can always tackle me if you want to. But believe me, I make sure you land on your back again.”

“Lance… “

“I’m sorry you regret it,” Lance said quietly. “I know you don’t--”

“No, that’s not-- “ Keith interrupted him and took a deep breath. “I’m not like that. I’m-- in fact I barely have the urge to… have sex with anyone.”

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Well, that looked quite different last night if I might say so.”

“Yeah, I know.” Keith hesitated. The next few words would come close to a confession of his feelings towards Lance and a big part inside of him already began yelling at him for even thinking about it. He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the voice. “It’s just… that I have to be close to someone to… get those feelings. Like, emotionally close. And that kinda scared me.”

“You consider us close?” Lance’s voice was gentle and careful and Keith was beyond grateful that he didn’t crack a joke. Keith kept silent though, hoping the other would come to a conclusion by himself. “Do you think the bond is to blame?” Lance asked.

Keith considered the two possible answers to this question for a moment. Although he had felt more sure about his feelings towards Lance after he’s seen the heart on the back of his hand, he had fallen for Lance way before that fateful night that changed everything and there was no doubt about it.

“No,” Keith decided to say. “It hasn’t nothing to do with the soulmark because it’s been like this for some time now. I just-- like-- umm….”

Lance squinted at him but kept quiet. There was a heavy silence between them, filling the room in anticipation of a reaction from either of them.

“I mean,” Lance rambled on, “if this was just some sort of one-night-stand then it’s alright, too, okay? Just because I told you yesterday that I have a crush on you doesn’t mean you have to feel obligated to--”

“I don’t feel obligated.”

The way Lance’s face brightened after these words assured Keith that he did the right thing to tell him.

“You didn’t?” Lance asked eagerly and shifted on the bed until he sat on the edge with his legs hanging down. Closer to Keith. “So it was free will, huh?”

Was it still free will when everything inside of Keith had screamed and demanded to be close to Lance? And hadn't stopped screaming ever since?

“I wanted to, so yes.” Keith tilted his head in question. “What about… you?”

“I already told you but I gladly repeat it: I like you.” Lance bit his lip and regarded Keith for a moment, contemplating his next words. “For quite some time and at this point, I’m too embarrassed to tell you how long I actually like you so… don’t ask me. At least not now.”

“Okay.” Keith smiled but had to look away from Lance because everything felt so unreal but real at the same time and he wanted to treasure this moment forever. Looking at Lance was like looking at the sun, bright and warm but if he stared too long, he would get burnt. Darker thoughts tried to invade his mind, darker thoughts in the shape of a turquoise ink with golden particles being responsible for their future… Keith drowned them. For now. “I thought I ruined it all between us,” Keith admitted. “Either I’m pushing you away or I’m doing too much too fast, like… yesterday. It’s hard to find the right distance and tempo.”

“I kinda liked yesterday’s distance and tempo.”

“Lance,” Keith said seriously.

“Keith,” Lance said brightly. “What are you worried about? That we’re moving too fast now?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you really feel that way or does your brain say those things?”

“Um. My brain, I guess.” If only his heart were in command then this whole damn situation wouldn’t be so bad and he would probably stop overthinking everything.

Suddenly, Lance stood up, words carefully chosen. “You know that song? About what wise men say?”

“What do they say?”

“You don’t know the song, then?”

“I’m afraid not. Is that bad?”

“Only fools rush in.”

“So you agree? We’re moving too fast?”

“No. Because, well, sometimes, um, you can’t help yourself and feelings are… there. Also, who are these wise men anyway? Do you know one? I don’t. Wise men know _ shit _about us. We kissed, made out and had a pretty good first time together. I say we did everything right. Well, almost.”

Keith swallowed. “Almost?” he asked. Lance tilted his head and took a step towards him. 

“You running and hiding in the bathroom wasn’t how I imagined the night to end.”

“How-- How did you imagine it to end?”

Lance hummed, a smirk on his lips, as he took Keith’s hands and pulled him up, then wrapped his hands around his own waist and put his own on Keith’s shoulders. “Something more like this.”

Lance’s lips touched his, gently and carefully, waiting for Keith to react. Everything inside Keith burned. His heart was aching and he wished nothing more to feel only the joy of being close to Lance but his mind… his mind knew that this couldn’t be real. He liked Lance, he liked him so much it was already more than that and he was scared how fast his feelings had developed over the last few weeks, brought to light and finally getting proper acknowledgment due to the mark on his hand.

“Lance.”

“Hmm?”

He shouldn’t say it, his mind screamed this was the worst thing he could do but his heart… it wouldn’t listen. And having Lance in his arms, hanging on his lips, literally, overruled every decision his mind could have come up with. Keith leaned his head slightly back, only far enough to look Lance into his blue eyes - only this time, he wasn’t scared about what he saw. 

After everything they’ve been through, mission-wise but more even in their relationship from day one until now, Keith didn’t know why he hadn’t accepted this simple truth with all of its meaning and heaviness before. The fluttering feeling in his stomach finally pushed the doubtful and warning thoughts aside and he pressed a short kiss on Lance’s lips. Lance liked him. And Keith...

“I like you back,” he confessed quietly, “way longer than the soulmark,” and Lance pulled him closer once again.

~~

They rarely made it out of their room for the next few days. And if they did, they were glued to each other, hand holding the absolute minimum of physical touches and since the aliens encouraged their bond, there was absolutely no reason to hide it. Since Hunk, Allura and Coran already knew about them having hooked up, it wasn’t that shocking for them to learn that their relationship had turned into something even closer. To Keith’s surprise, everyone appeared to be supportive, even Pidge.

The high of being with Lance outshined everything. Soulmarks? Who cared. Alien diplomacy? Who cared. Everything that mattered was them.

~~

“We can only allow two of you to enter our vault inside the weapon’s chamber this time.” The alien’s eyes flickered unsurely between Keith, Lance, and Allura. As much as the Etorio people were entranced by Keith’s and Lance’s sudden public display of affection, it had begun to undermine Allura’s authority to some degree.

Soulmates beat a 10.000-year-old Altean by far.

“Keith and Princess Allura go, of course,” Lance said.

“Can you let go of me for a few minutes?” Keith whispered when they were on their way to the chamber.

“Not really,” Lance joked, “but I’ll manage. As long as you’re coming back to me.”

“Always.”

“God, I lo-- “ Lance stopped himself. Keith leaned forward, his lips catching Lance’s for a long kiss, then brought their foreheads together. 

“Yeah,” Keith breathed after having kissed the unspoken words away.

The week was the best week Keith ever had but he didn’t tell Lance. Not now, he would keep it secret for a little while longer to wait for the right moment. They were both aware that they kept some distance to the others but it was hard to leave each other’s orbits. Keith almost felt sad to leave the planet again but tomorrow was supposed to be their departure. Despite being on a high of feelings, he managed to get through the diplomatic talks with Allura and Coran, although his patience was tested a lot during these hours. Every second not being around Lance was a lost second and Keith felt like he was in a run against time. Time until… the finality of… something.

Sometimes Lance would mention their soulbond and a tiny part inside Keith’s heart and mind tried to grow, tried to remind him of something important he should consider. Keith pushed it away, forcefully. Again and again. Pushed it underwater like a ball that tried to make its way to the surface. Keith did a good job of holding it down… but then, one day - the last day - his hand slipped and the ball of dark thoughts roughly jumped up to the surface.

~~

Keith woke up slowly to Lance’s breath tickling his neck. He was still fast asleep when Keith turned around to him and carefully ran his hands through his hair, his fingers gently touching his ear, giving it a soft pinch. Lance grunted and threw one arm and one leg around Keith. For a moment, Keith enjoyed the tight and possessive embrace he’d found himself in. Feeling wanted, feeling loved, even, feeling secure in this seemingly permanent and everlasting embrace from the person he… liked so much. Keith interlaced his fingers with Lance’s, pulling his hand up to his face to give it a kiss… but then--

KEITH.

His name. 

His stomach dropped.

He’d forgotten. No, not forgotten: suppressed. Pushed so far back in his brain that he hadn't thought about it anymore. Until now. Today was not only their departure day but also the last day of their Findupha. Had it really been one month since he’d woken up with Lance’s name and a heart on his hand? Whatever force had decided to give them those marks, it had helped them to see each other more clearly. Coran’s words came back into his mind once again.

The mark only showed what had already been there.

On Keith’s part, there was-- love. Inside his heart and on his hand. He believed Lance when he told him that he _liked_ him. But it had to be a different kind of affection, not meant to be for the long run. A momentary feeling maybe, no depth, even if Lance thought so.

The planet’s sun slowly rose up in the sky outside the window and filled the room with warm colors. The Etorio people had already told them about their disappointment that the soulbonded couple had to leave on their last day - the excitement to celebrate their finished bond had been too great. Coran and Allura had put their feet down though - much to Keith’s relief. There wasn’t much to celebrate, quite the opposite even. Lance’s unchanged mark implied no deeper feelings and tomorrow, or maybe even at midnight, they were expected to remove their gloves and show each other their markings. To see what shape their bond had taken. No more pretending, no more hope, just the harsh reality.

A mismatched bond, just as Keith had feared from the very start.

What would happen then? Maybe Lance said he wouldn’t care but sooner or later he would feel miserable to be with Keith. Or even hate him, especially for lying at him the last few weeks. They could’ve had it all, according to Lance - an unwritten bond with every possibility. But no, Keith had to catch these intense feelings and ruin it all. Lance saying he liked him? Keith huffed. Maybe as a friend or a momentary distraction but definitely nothing more. Not the way Keith liked him.

“You awake?”

Keith started as he became aware of the half-opened sleepy blue eyes staring at him. “Yeah,” he whispered and tried to ignore the pain in his chest he felt that came with looking at Lance. “I gotta do our goodbye round with Allura. You can sleep in, okay?”

“Don’t go.” The pressure of Lance’s leg around his hip increased. He didn’t want to go but--

“I have to.” Gently, he loosened Lance’s grip and slipped out of the bed. Before he left the room, he glanced back at Lance who was already asleep again, his face buried in Keith’s pillow. 

It hurt.

~~

They left Etorio the same way they had arrived. Keith piloted Black and Lance smiled at him when he sat down on Keith’s lap after they had left the planet’s atmosphere. The others had their fun but the teasing didn’t fall on any ground - Lance had put his head on Keith’s shoulder and the two Paladins barely spoke a word. It was a peaceful silence and a part inside of Keith tried to drink all the warmth Lance would give him. Things would change very soon and a feeling of dread and panic made its way through his body.

~~

“Coran?”

“Yes, my boy? Is everything alright?”

Usually, Keith would have never talked to anyone about his fear but in his position as a team leader at times, he felt like he had to, well, _warn_ someone about the probable outcome of the soulbond between him and Lance. Things would change, drastically, and maybe even forming Voltron won’t be possible for some time thanks to the upcoming emotional fallout. Maybe there was more destruction in this soulbond than there was an actual bond.

“Um, today’s the last day of the Findupha,” Keith began cautiously. He had tracked down Coran and finally found him in the cryopod-room, doing some necessary cleaning. Kind of weird but fitting, considering the first time he had realized him and Lance would have a mismatched bond was in the very same room.

Coran flashed him a reassuring smile. “I know. You can’t imagine how much I had to talk to the Princess to give you two some space on this special day. I’m sure you’re excited, Lance as well. It’s hard not to notice how close you two have become.”

“About that…“ Keith took a deep breath. He had to approach the topic no matter how much he dreaded it. “What if the mark still only says the name and nothing more?”

Coran let out a long breath and nodded sympathetically before he put a hand on Keith’s shoulder. 

“I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s very unusual that it hasn’t developed yet. Unusual but not impossible. Strictly mathematically, you still got the entire day, plus or minus a few hours. But tomorrow morning when you two wake up, the mark is final, without a doubt.”

“And when there’s no change?”

Coran shrugged sadly. “Then that’s it.”

“Like, a Voltron bond or something like that.”

“I’d say so, yes. Although you two are humans, well, and half-Galra. Maybe the soulmarks of humans and Galra simply don’t change. In that case, your bond is open to interpretation. And if a romantic bond is what you both desire, then I guess that’s how it is.” Another reassuring smile. Keith felt sick. He needed to tell him but he needed some more courage at first.

“You once told us about your neighbors, the sugar and eggs neighbors. What did their marks look like?” He didn’t really care about the answer but it gave him a few more seconds to get his internal shit together.

“The colors of their names and the location changed,” Coran explained eagerly. “It looked like the dawn of the sun in the morning, very calm and beautiful. Because that’s when they’d usually met for the first time of the day, the early morning, on their way into the garden to get the mail or opening the curtains of their houses next to each other.” Keith had to look as if he was dying because Coran patted his back as a comforting gesture. “Don’t you worry, young Paladin.”

Now or never.

“Coran,” Keith said. “On Lance’s hand, there’s only my name.” He hesitated. “On my hand, there’s Lance’s name.”

Coran smiled.

“And a heart.”

Coran stopped smiling.

“You-- have a heart on your hand?”

Keith nodded. “From the first day on, yes. And-- and I don’t know what to do.” It was an unspoken plea for help even though he knew that there wasn’t anything to do. Coran furrowed his brows.

“I thought it was a thing with humans, that you might not develop a full soulmark but… this changes things. And if it already appeared on the first day, then… “ His voice trailed off and Keith averted his gaze for a moment. He didn’t want to see his expression when he uttered the next words.

“The chances Lance’s mark will change are almost zero,” Keith finished quietly. “Which means we will have a mismatched bond.” When Coran didn’t say a word, Keith glanced up to him. The Altean stared at him as if he was in deep shock. Not helpful, so Keith kept talking with a shallow voice. “I talked to the alien on Etorio who checked my mark. They said a mismatched bond doesn’t work. Even if Lance lo-- likes me now, it’s not real, not in the long run. Maybe-- maybe he thinks he likes me but it isn’t true, it isn’t real. And never can be. I know what I have to do but…“ He felt tears welling up in his eyes and he tried to swallow the sadness away. “It’s not easy.” The last words were barely audible as Keith choked when the first drops of tears ran down his cheeks. Finally, Coran got a grip and wrapped his arms around Keith, hugging him tightly.

“I am so sorry, I am so so sorry, Keith,” he whispered and ran his hands over the Paladin’s back and Keith knew there was nothing else to say... except that he was sorry, too.

~~

Thoughts ran wild in his mind.

After he had talked to Coran, well, mostly cried in Coran’s arms, he decided to spend some time on the observation deck, contemplating how he would do the inevitable thing: to put an end to it. Keith couldn’t stop blaming himself. He’d been the one to forget to watch out when things between him and Lance had began to get serious and intense. How could he have been so reckless and allow the closeness between them, knowing well enough that nothing would come out of the… _thing_ they were having. So now it was his responsibility to take it all back. For both their sakes. Lance would never be happy with him, that was a _fact_, and Keith wouldn’t bind himself to him. First of all to protect Lance, to make sure he had a chance to find the love of his life and not being hold back by someone like Keith.

But then Lance found him first, of course, he did.

“Hey soulmate.”

Keith turned around. Lance smiled at him - did he put on some slightly nicer clothes? - and went up to stand next to him. In a brief silence, they both stared through the huge window into the dark sky of the rest of the universe around them.

“Lance, I have to tell you something.”

“No, no way,” Lance stopped him and put a hand on his chest, “you’re not gonna one-up me again. Let me talk first, I-- I need to get this off my chest.”

“Lance, I don’t think this is a good--” 

Lance ignored the pleading tone in Keith’s voice and began. 

“I thought about us. And our bond.” He looked deep into Keith’s eyes and Keith knew that his following words would change things between them once again. Lance took a deep breath, a nervous smile on his lips. “I was wrong when I said the bond didn’t matter. What we have matters and I’m glad that the bond is proof to that. It is a big deal and you mean the world, no, you mean all of space to me. No matter what tomorrow will bring, when the Findupha is over, please be my boyfriend. And I’ll be yours.”

“Lance--”

“Let’s just fall into it, no strings, no safety net, just the free fall into whatever it is that’s been developing between us. See, maybe that’s why we only have each other’s names on our hands. Because we can be whatever we want for each other. And… I know exactly what I want.” He took a dangerous step closer so Keith was able to see the glimmer of hope and happiness in his eyes. Fuck. “And to know that you want it too makes me so fucking happy.”

Gosh, of course Keith wanted it, too but….

“Lance, listen--” he tried again but it was hard for him to fight against Lance’s cute determination.

“Keith, I wanna say it before the soulmark is formed so you know how serious I am about it,” he said and took Keith’s hands in his and Keith wanted him to stop talking, he wanted to get out and run away, to be far away before Lance could utter the next few words Keith knew were about to pass his lips but he was frozen in place and the words crashed like waves against a rocky coast, splashing over him and drained him to his very bones, words he didn’t want to hear because they were too painful but also the most beautiful thing ever but he couldn’t accept them and the meaning behind them because they were wrong, they were impossible but--

“I love you.”

Keith pulled his hand away, roughly. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” He shook his head, his fingers running through his hair and over his face. “I can’t.”

“Keith?” Lance asked alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just-- no. You’re not in love with me. I’m sorry, I need to--” 

This time confusion didn’t look good on Lance, no, it looked painful. “What do you mean I’m not in love with you? Keith! Talk to me!” Keith raised his hands in front of him as some sort of shield.

“I can’t do this, Lance. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it go that far, I was just so-- I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean??”

“The mark, you don’t-- it doesn’t say you love me.”

Lance scoffed. “But yours does or what?” Keith kept silent. “Keith…” Lance said in a warning voice, “what does your mark say?”

“It’s the same since day one.”

“Uh-huh. Then show me.” Keith didn’t make a move when Lance pointed at his hand. “Show me.”

“I promise you it’s the same.”

“You never showed me your mark.” The suspicion in Lance’s voice made Keith wary.

“I… did.”

“It’s said L-A-N-C and that’s it. Never saw the whole thing.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. What matters is-- what I am saying.”

With his hands stemmed against his hips, Lance took a step into Keith’s direction, his chin raised in a challenging way. “Okay, what, so I don’t love you?” Keith nodded and some energy left Lance’s posture. “And-- and you don’t love me?” Keith looked away. “Keith.” Lance rushed forward and took his hand and for a moment Keith allowed it. “I don’t understand.” His voice was gentle and he tried to hide his pain behind knitted brows and a sympathetic smile, only his eyes betrayed him when they began to fill with tears. “Can you help me understand? Please?”

“You don’t love me, Lance,” Keith said slowly. His voice shook badly but he pressed out the words anyway. “And you will understand soon enough. It’s very simple.”

“If it’s so simple then why don’t you tell me now? Are you hiding some dark secret? I already know you're half Galra, you know?” Lance squeezed Keith’s hand and led it up to press it against his own chest. “It has to be one hell of a reason if you think it can overrule my heart.” Another smile, a fighting smile against words he didn’t comprehend. Keith took the blame, he took it all on him. He shouldn’t have let it come this far. It had been his responsibility to keep their relationship what it was supposed to become, not to allow a false closeness. “Keith? Please?” he breathed and the first tear of many yet to come ran down his cheek. “Do you... love me?”

Keith didn’t say anything but his face said everything. He wasn’t able to hide his emotions caused by these four words. He hadn’t dared to think these words yet but his heart knew the answer anyway. So did Lance because for a moment, his face softened and his blue eyes sparkled.

“So I love you back, Keith,” he whispered.

“Maybe a part of you thinks so. But I’m not what you want. I-- I understand you _ like _me. But not the way I, um... feel for you. And that’s fine, okay, it’s fine,” Keith rambled. “I let it happen and I take the blame. I’m your teammate, your leader in Voltron and that’s good, too. We're not sugar and eggs or knives and guns.”

“Keith.” Lance tilted his head, his eyes scanning Keith’s expression as if he wanted to extract every piece of information that slipped through. “Is this about the soulmarks? What am I missing here?”

Keith looked into Lance’s eyes. For a moment, he thought about telling him about the upcoming mismatched bond but… he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it. If Lance started to argue that the mark still had time to change, if Lance got both their hopes up again…. Keith couldn’t bear it. He had to end things now and Lance would understand it tomorrow. It wasn’t ideal but the best way.

“Let’s talk tomorrow,” he said instead.

“Keith--” Lance gently took his arm. “We can be whatever we want to be.” Keith shook his head but Lance put his hands on Keith’s head and stopped him. Slowly he leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. “I’m afraid, too, okay? But whatever you’re afraid of, we will figure it out, okay?”

“Lance. I’m sorry but this doesn’t work.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Keith felt the hot breath on his lips, the hot breath of Lance crying in silence. “We were never together.”

A long pause.

“Is this real?”

Keith nodded.

“It doesn’t feel real. The last few weeks felt real. Not this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry. Tell me why. Why this sudden? Did I do something wrong? Is it because I said--”

Keith shook his head. “No, it’s not your fault. I’ll tell you tomorrow. I need some… space.”

Lance leaned back, looking at Keith one last time but then Keith pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you for everything.”

_ Thank you for trying to love me. _

“Why does this feel like a goodbye?” Lance asked wetly.

Keith tried to treasure this embrace as best as possible. He put his hopes into Coran and Allura. They would help him to make Lance understand why their relationship won’t be working on the level they were now. But with one thing Lance was right: they would figure it out... the next day, when the Findupha was over, when the marks were final. Lance was about to understand. He had to. 

“Keith?”

“I need some space,” Keith repeated, effectively ignoring Lance’s last question.

“Okay. I… leave you to it, then.”

~~

The next time Keith raised his eyebrows from the floor, he realized he’d walked into the hangar and had come to a halt in front of the Red Lion.

“Oh, Red,” he sighed, only now realizing he’d been following her call in his head. 

He couldn’t go back into his room in case Lance changed his mind about giving him space and tried to talk to him again. He couldn’t deal with it, not tonight. He was drained and tired and although everything inside him hurt, he desperately needed sleep. His feet led him up into Red. 

Red had been his first lion and now she listened to Lance. Somehow, it was their shared space, their lion. If Shiro was flying Black, he went back to piloting her. If he was piloting Black, Lance was in Red by his side. It was a soothing thought that it had been Red calling out for him. She had probably noticed the distress in both Paladins.

“Thanks,” Keith whispered and built himself a simple bed on the ground, including his jacket and a little blanket Lance kept hiding under the pilot’s seat. (Sometimes he got cold very quickly.)

Lance. It hurt so much to let him go. And Keith couldn’t stop blaming himself for it - it was the mark on _ his _skin that made things a mess. If there was only a way to get rid of the heart, both off his skin and what it stands for, emotion-wise. Keith didn’t catch any sleep, being trapped in a cruel circle of memories flashing up. Memories of him and Lance.

Happy memories. 

And that was all they would ever have: memories of something that had come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh darn @ everything.
> 
> i made a playlist while working on this fic and came across one song called "i don't believe you" by the magnetic field and some lyrics are 
> 
> _"So you quote love unquote me  
Well, stranger things have come to be  
But let's agree to disagree  
'Cause I don't believe you  
I don't believe you"_
> 
> and oh my god, can you imagine my reaction??? yelling and tweeting about it and the connection to my fic simultaneously!


	10. Next To Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle-talk and someone gets hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lance pov chapter out of nowhere??? omg. i do that sometimes, lol.  
someone gets hurt badly here, so some violence, a bit bloody...

### Next To Black

Lance woke up to the sound of sirens blaring through the Castle. The Castle? Confused and disoriented he sat up and stumbled through his room until he found his armor and slipped into it like into a second skin. He risked a glance at his watch before he left the room and headed for the hangar. 3 am. He had been asleep for 20 minutes. _ Classic. _

He almost stumbled into the pilot’s chair of Red when something got caught in his feet. Keith’s jacket lay forgotten on the ground. Keith’s jacket? And his blanket?

“Oh, Keith,” Lance sighed. So that was why he hadn’t been able to find him earlier that night. He had slept in Red. He looked through the window: Black had already left the Castle. Of course, Keith didn’t have a long way. A second later, the comms opened and Allura explained to them what was happening. The Castle had been passing through an old spaceship graveyard that included lots of debris. They had chosen this seemingly safe route for Pidge to scan the area for spare parts they might need or come in handy. To their shock - mostly Pidge’s - the scanner hadn’t picked up on the very much active ships hiding in the huge area.

A couple of small but quick Galra fighters had left their hiding places in the debris field and had begun attacking them. According to Pidge’s scan - and well, their very own eyes - there was also a much bigger battleship making its way towards the Castle. Lance didn’t understand every word of her chattering about a massive laser cannon which was able to do some stuff with very complicated scientific words but it had to be very, very bad. The words _ massive laser cannon _ kinda implied it.

The first few minutes of their battle were a proper mess and mirrored exactly Lance’s state of mind. Also, he felt raw from his and Keith's fight the night before. And fucking sad in combination with some good anger, partly towards the Galra around them, partly towards Keith. He knew Keith had abandoning issues and bonding fears but, for fuck’s sake, they had _ soulmarks_. They had kissed, made out, told each other about the general direction their feelings were developing into! Even without the marks, Lance was absolutely sure that he would have fallen in love with him anyway. Sure, the marks had helped and quickened the process but only because Lance had been a coward to accept and focus on his feelings at first and thought Keith had rejected him a couple of times whenever he had pulled a move… and since most of them had been pretty stupid moves, Lance hadn’t even been mad about Keith’s reaction, at least in hindsight. 

But that thing, that thing last night! That had been a proper rejection. Brutal and out of nowhere, with no room left for discussion. Not that Keith _ owed _ him a reason of why he had broken up with Lance but… there had been many unsaid things on the tip of Keith’s tongue and, you know what? Lance _ deserved _some fucking answers, some reasons, from his _soulmate_. Keith not believing Lance was in love with him? How dare he! And then his weird reaction when Lance had brought up their soulmarks. There was something rotten in the state of… of… Voltronland. 

The attack on the Castle was worse than they had anticipated. Coran tried to keep up the particle barrier but power ran low thanks to some pretty bad hits the ship had taken. They tried to form Voltron at least three times but either a sudden attack forced them apart before they clicked into the giant robot or… it just didn’t work. An eerie silence spread through their connected comms when every Paladin realized that something was wrong with their bond, followed by a heated discussion about the possible reason. It didn’t last long. Keith’s voice interrupted them, giving commands and an alternate attack plan without them having to form Voltron. At the sound of Keith’s voice though, it got awkward. Because suddenly, everyone felt that _ he _was the reason for their failure. The Paladins hushed their confirmations on the plan and got to work. Meanwhile, Lance cursed under his breath and switched to a private line with the Black Lion.

“Keith, can we talk?”

“We’re mid-battle, Lance, go back to--”

As to emphasize the urgency of their conversation, Lance maneuvered Red next to Black while they both covered Hunk and Allura. For a moment, their eyes locked through the side windows before Keith made a point by staring straight ahead and ignoring Lance’s presence next to him. 

“You’re pushing me so far away, Keith, we can’t even form Voltron! I can still feel what you’re feeling, though, through that-” Lance huffed nervously “-pathetic weak bond between our lions.” Having relationship talk and shooting at Galra fighters simultaneously was advanced, Lance had to admit that. Keith didn’t seem to have many problems though, chasing after one particularly eager ship and leaving Red behind.

“You have _ no _idea what I’m feeling.”

“Okay, true, true. But I know you’re hella afraid and hurting and I don’t know why.” Lance bit his lip. It was probably a bad idea to breach this subject during an attack but if they didn’t sort this out right now - he glanced at the battleship drawing near - then worse things would happen than Keith being pissed off. “Is this because of last night? Of course it is, alright… But just-- Just tell me why you can’t see that I love you? Am I not showing it enough or--”

“No.”

“Oh? Then I don’t understand what your problem is. Are you afraid I’m... leaving you? Because I already told you that I won’t. I know you have these… fears, you told me about them. It’s okay to have those, you know? If that’s the reason you’re pushing me away, then I am telling you I will chase after you, over and over and over... If-- if that’s what you want. I have the quicker lion anyway.” To prove his point, Lance urged Red to overtake Black and appeared in Keith’s field of vision, making him break abruptly so they didn’t crash.

“And _ I _ told you I will talk to you later so please, focus on the battle and…”

“Then we figure something out?”

Red was close enough for Lance to see Keith’s face under his helmet. For a brief moment, a feeling of… hope was shared between them, amplified by their lions’ connection, and Lance swore he saw a matching expression on Keith’s face. He almost smiled in relief but then Keith furrowed his brows and turned Black around to help Allura shooting at another fighter, leaving Lance behind.

“No,” his voice cracked through the comm. “Then you will understand why this-- I mean-- why _ we _don’t… you know. Why this won’t work out.”

The Red Lion shook violently and Lance gasped in shock. Fuck, he hadn’t paid attention to his surroundings: another fighter had appeared behind him, chasing him through the debris.

“You do know that it doesn’t make any sense to keep your reasons some kind of secret??” Lance shouted through the comm and tried to shake off the ship behind him. “Like, you said it yourself, we’re in mid-battle and--”

“I already told you my reason.”

Lance turned Red around and opened fire.

“Yeah. That I don’t love you.” _ Pow, pow, pow. _ “Which is bullshit, Keith.” _ Pow, pow, pow. _ “It’s bullshit.” _ Pow, pow, pow. _ “And the worst part is that you know it.” 

The fighter exploded right in front of him. The smug grin on Lance’s face got wiped away with Keith’s next words.

“No, I don’t, Lance. I don’t know it.”

“Please don’t tell me this is about our soulbond.” There was no audible reaction on Keith’s end of the line but Lance felt it - a rush of pain. “It is, isn’t it? Is it because it only says we have a standard bond and no romantic one?” Lance didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath on the other line. “It is! Oh, I’ll be damned. Listen, just because the mark doesn't imply a fairy-tale-like love story doesn't mean we won't have one. We're the ones writing the story."

"Didn't you say it was a big deal to you having a mark?" 

"Yeah, it still is. But not because of the mark, I mean, well, yes, that too, but mainly because it's you. Because I liked you for a while now and suddenly we were closer without having to fight and you stopped pushing me away and we kissed and you said you liked me, too, and I was the happiest person alive and I thought you were also happy.” Lance stopped to take a breath and to ask a question he dreaded the answer. “Did that-- change? Do you not like me anymore? It's cool if you're not, for real, it wouldn’t be a big deal, I can adapt and--"

"They didn't change, Lance. My-- my feelings for you."

"Cool, cool. But then I said I love you and everything went to shit, as if there is this huge difference between I like you and I love you and I don't get it." He had tried to keep the tone of his voice light but his voice cracked anyway. He blinked away the tears in his eyes as he took out another fighter. How many were there?? They had to emerge from the battleship somehow… which got closer any minute.

"There is a difference."

"Yeah. Two letters are different. So what, liking you is included in our standard Voltron bond but you need further proof on my hand that I actually love you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, awesome. Well, then I don't believe you either without having a mark that says you love me."

"Fair enough."

"Which you also don't have, am I right?"

There was a heavy pause. 

"Which you-- also don't have-- am I right, Keith?”

No answer.

“Keith?”

Pidge’s voice interrupted Lance’s dragging train of thoughts. She was asking for some help on the far end of the spaceship graveyard. 

“Coming,” Keith said firmly and led Black in her direction… but not without passing by Red. 

“Keith--,” Lance said as weakly as he felt in that moment. Something was up with him, something was wrong with the mark on Keith’s hand, his silence had only confirmed yesterday’s suspicion. “Keith, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

No answer. Lance didn’t have much time to think about it when a new fleet of fighters left the battleship and began another attack on the Castle.

The Paladins defended it and themselves as best as possible but soon, everyone was spread throughout the entire spaceship graveyard, the fighters chasing them like rabid dogs. And the battleship drew closer and closer. Keith tried to explain his plan to start an attack on it but his words got constantly lost in the grunts and shouts of his fellow Paladins. Now and then, Lance’s eyes searched for Black.

His entire team was on the other side of the graveyard, far away. 

Keith called out for him to join them for another attempt to form Voltron when things took a harsh turn. 

Lance had just successfully defeated a small fighter when suddenly, another one came out of nowhere from behind, its laser beams making Red shudder under its attack. The attack wasn’t hard, it didn’t even damage his lion that much but it made Lance lose his concentration for a second.

A second was enough for both Lance and Red to not see the huge piece of debris floating in front of them. It was half the size of the Castle… and Red crashed straight into it.

It was a hard crash. So hard the fighter crashing right behind him lost its wing and window shields. The Galra inside was dead within seconds, his armor ripped off by sharp pieces of debris. Thankfully, Lance didn’t lose his consciousness from the impact. Red did, though. The lion didn’t move at all. Then Keith’s voice sounded over the comm in his helmet and told them all to retreat. Everyone was too bruised, the Castle’s particle barrier was almost gone, and their inability to form Voltron would probably kill them all if the battleship attacked them.

Speaking of the battleship. 

That one with the massive laser cannon. 

It was heading straight towards the area Lance was stuck in. With wide eyes, he stared through Red’s windows, one ear listening to Keith and Allura preparing a quick retreat. Keith said his name. They were looking for him. Lance still stared outside.

Because… something on the side of the battleship opened. Light and electricity swirled around the hole. 

Oh, damn.

Lance saw the laser beam rushing towards him. Red sprung awake as if she sensed the danger of the situation they were in. She tried her best to slip out of the side of the old ship he was stuck in but no luck so far. And with only a few seconds left before the laser was about to hit them, Lance didn’t believe in any miracles.

Too bad, he thought. He’d never see Keith again. That sucked.

A self-conscious part of him chuckled in disbelief why his thoughts didn’t go to his family but Keith only. He loved his family but they were so far away right now… not even close to the galaxy he was currently fighting against aliens. Well, or losing against aliens. 

Keith, on the other hand, was here, somewhere around him but still not close enough.

Keith. He would never see him again. Ridiculous. Unreal. But also very real.

The laser beam got closer. Maybe 20 more seconds he could spend on thinking about how stupid everything was. Red hadn’t stopped fighting yet; she threw herself left and right, up and down, but the hole was too small and the debris of the ship too heavy, even for the lion. 

Lance opened his comm for a private line, briefly wondering about the calmness of his hands.

“Hey Keith, I don’t think I’ll ever pilot Black, you owe me 20 bucks.”

The line cracked and Keith’s voice sounded in his helmet.

“Lance??” he asked frantically. “What do you mean?? Where are you??”

“I don’t know. My radar is dead as fuck and the laser from that battleship is heading towards me and Red.” He realized the hollowness of his voice but at the same time, he didn’t care. Then a feeling of pain began spreading from inside his heart, making its way through his body. 

“Fuck-- wait-- I’m--”

“I thought I would be thinking about my family in my last few seconds,” Lance said wetly, followed by a nervous laugh, “but turns out all I think about is you. I love you.”

5 seconds left. The light of the laser looked kinda nice. A bright yellow and orange. Almost like the sun.

Lance took a short but deep breath to get the last few words out.

“And I wished you had accepted that I love you, Keith Kogane.”

There was an impact and everything went dark.

~~

His ears were ringing. His head hurt like hell. 

He’d been prepared for the impact of the laser from straight ahead but then something had crashed into the left side of Red. Red? Lance opened his eyes. It was rather dark but he recognized the inside of Black immediately. He tried to sit up and glanced outside the lion’s eyes. Red was next to them, motionlessly, stuck in the debris where she had been before. She looked pretty bad… 

Hang on. Black? He was in _ Black_? How?

A grunt from the other side of the lion made Lance perk up. He was still feeling dizzy and had a hard time focusing on anything but there, in the back of Black, was someone else. 

“Keith?”

As quick as possible, Lance crawled up to him. He didn’t quite recall what exactly had happened. There’d been a laser beam heading towards him and the next thing he knew was-- 

Stop.

Keith’s armor.

It was shredded. It was shredded so badly Lance stopped thinking. 

There were cuts everywhere, cuts and blood and Lance felt like dying. 

“Keith? Keith, can you hear me?” 

His breathing was shallow and he didn’t open his eyes, no matter how much Lance pleaded. His fingers trailed Keith’s body, checking for more injuries as he was waiting for Yellow cutting a way through the debris. 

Head, blood on his temple.

_ Please don’t die. _

Shoulders, deep cuts.

_ Please don’t die. _

Chest, cuts like claws.

_ Please don’t die. _

Arms, open wounds.

_ Please don’t die. _

Hands, bloody.

_ Please don’t-- _

The glove on his left hand was ripped off.

Turquoise letters glimmered in the dimly lit space. 

With shaking hands, Lance removed the few pieces of the glove that were glued to the blood on Keith’s hand. 

With shaking hands, he let his fingers trail over his name. 

With shaking hands, he circled the heart next to it.

Keith’s fingers twitched in his hand.

“Didn’t--,” he coughed under great effort, blood dripping out of his mouth, “--didn’t wanna… push you away….”

Lance’s heart shattered in the same moment Keith stopped breathing.


	11. About Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Findupha is over. Keith makes a decision or two. The author doesn't know how to write chapter summaries.

### About Love

Keith found himself outside. The sky was bright and blue, there were juniberries in the green field around him. At the far end, there was a floral arch. It looked strangely familiar. A lot of people had gathered over there… people he knew, although he couldn’t see their faces. Everything was blurry.

Lance! Oh, Lance was walking up to him. He looked different. Keith couldn't tell why. Suddenly, he knew where he was and what was about to happen: It was their soulbond ceremony! Keith grinned and looked down at his hands. 

But.

The mark… it wasn’t turquoise anymore. It had turned red - red like blood. More and more inked oozed out of his skin, forming the name Lance. In a haste, Keith swiped off some of the blood before Lance could see it. Where was the heart? He knew it had to be there, somewhere under the red. The little heart. It was important.

“You don’t love me anymore?”

Keith looked up. Lance tilted his head in front of him, his eyes cold and his lips a thin line. 

“I do, Lance, I do,” Keith stammered, using the sleeves of his uniform to soak up more of the blood. “I swear, the heart’s still there, it has to be. I feel it.”

Lance hummed noncommittally. “Huh. I can’t see it.” He shrugged and turned around. “Guess that’s it. I’m gonna ask someone else to bond with me.”

“Lance, no, wait--” Keith followed him in an instant. “I love you.”

“You don’t. There’s no heart.”

“You don’t have one, either.”

“I know. We have a Voltron bond. We match. Isn’t that great?”

“I-- Yeah, that’s… “ Keith sighed. “But I have a heart. Because I love you."

“That’s bullshit, Keith. That’s bullshit and the worst part is that you know it.”

“That’s not true. I don’t need the heart to-- Lance? Lance! Lance, wait!! Lance!!!”

“Come back when you don’t love me anymore!”

A warm hand pressed gently on his shoulder.

“Time to go,” his father said cheerfully. 

“Dad?”

“You coming?” He flashed Keith a smile and walked towards the other Lance in the distance.

_‘Come back when you don’t love me anymore.’_

Lance appeared next to him. Another Lance? He looked different. More like the Lance he knew. Familiar.

“Keith. You need to wake up.”

“What--?”

“Don’t listen to them. Wake up. We will figure it out. Wake up.”

“Lance?”

~~

“Lance...”

The mumbled word escaped his mouth as if he had been holding it in forever. His feet dragged him a few steps forward until a pair of strong arms held him in place.

“He’s okay, he’s fine, Keith. Everyone’s safe.”

It took some effort to open his eyes. His body still felt weak but second by second the energy came back to him. Hunk, he was in Hunk’s arms in the cryopod-room. He had been hurt? Lance, something with Lance. Lance stuck in the ship, the laser beam… the laser beam!

“Is he--”

A coughing fit hit him as he was trying to ask about Lance but thankfully Hunk knew the right words to say as he gently patted his back.

“Lance was in the pod for two days but he’s okay now. We were more worried about you, buddy. You were touch and go. More go than touch, actually."

“Oh.”

“We didn’t even know you’d make it. There was-- there was talk about shutting off the healing pod because it didn’t seem to work…" Hunk’s voice broke and it was only then that Keith realized how much the taller Paladin was crying. Big tears streamed down his face and Keith wondered if it wasn’t Hunk holding him but the other way round. 

“I’m okay,” he whispered, his voice raw from not having spoken in a while. “How long was I--”

“Almost two weeks.”

“Fuck.”

Two weeks? He had been gone for two weeks? His eyes scanned the room. Empty, except for Hunk. Sure, they probably hadn’t known how long it would take for Keith to heal and had taken turns in case he woke up.

“I can’t believe you’re here again, Keith.” Hunk tightened his embrace again. “We were so worried, we thought we lost you. Lance found you in Black after you saved him but…. How did you--- We were all trying to get to Lance but he was too far away. How did you... get there so fast? We never figured it out.”

Keith closed his eyes. Slowly, his memories came back. “I realized I’d never be at the ship in time. Lance… he said--“

_ ‘And I wished you had accepted that I love you, Keith Kogane.’ _

Keith cleared his throat.

“He said the laser beam headed towards him. I… freaked out and then something else happened. The part where the bayard goes in started glowing but we don’t have the black bayard... So I pleaded with Black. I knew she wanted to help me somehow.”

More memories came back. Pleaded, more like yelled at her, threatening, bargaining, his life for Lance’s. Keith swallowed.

“And then-- I think she listened. And-- and a moment later she teleported us.”

Hunk leaned back from him, staring into Keith’s eyes. “She teleported?? Are you sure?”

“Yes. I was at Lance’s side in less than a second. Red appeared to be stuck in some heavy debris of a ship so I rammed Black against her to get them out. I don’t remember what happened then.”

“Lance did. You rammed Red and Lance lost his consciousness for a moment. Next thing he knew he was waking up inside Black. The laser had hit Red and the ship anyway but not as bad as anticipated because you pushed her out of the direct line. We think you left Black to get to Lance and carried him back into your lion. On your way, more debris crashed down. Lance was hurt as well but not that bad so… we guessed you must have covered him.”

Keith nodded. He couldn’t remember anything but he would’ve done it. 

“You managed to get back to Black but then collapsed. Lance woke up a few minutes later and made contact with us. We, Pidge, Allura and I, we destroyed the battleship with the laser before it could do any more damage.”

“Good.”

Nothing was good, not really, but Keith didn’t know what else to say. He took a step back from Hunk, giving him a thankful smile for the comfort and hugs, and took a deep breath. Standing on his feet again without someone holding him up was exhausting but he needed to rely on his own strength again.

His eyes wandered to the back of his hand. 

Lance with a heart, open for everyone to see. Like an automatic reaction, he hid it behind his back.

“Did you-- did he--”

Hunk cleared his throat, his voice quiet and soft. “We’ve all seen your marks, yes.” He shuffled his feet.

“Did he… say anything. How… is he?”

“Physically okay, but otherwise,” Hunk shot him a pointed look at the mark on his hand, “he’s a mess.” 

“I probably should have… “ Keith let out a long breath. “To be honest, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I thought I did the right thing before-- oh, you probably don’t know. I said to--”

“Keith, buddy, Lance told me everything. And yeah, I also don’t have an answer but I know that you need to talk to him. Please.”

“Hunk. Lance’s mark… ?”

A warm hand found his shoulder and Keith knew Hunk’s answer before the words were spoken.

“Unchanged.”

Of course. Two weeks since the Findupha ended. No change. The mark was final. 

He was in love with Lance but Lance would never love him back.

~~

Keith entered the lounge. Lance sat on the couch, in quiet conversation with Pidge. Pidge’s eyes darted over the couch and met his. 

Lance turned around.

The moment Lance met Keith’s eyes, he hunched and started sobbing, his hands covering his face as he slid down on the couch to become a small puddle of pain and hurt.

Slowly, Keith walked up to him and kneeled in front of the couch.

“Lance.”

In this moment, the only thing that mattered was Lance in his arms. Screw the soulmark, he would worry about it later.

“I hate you, Kogane," he sobbed into Keith's shoulder.

“I know, I know.”

Lance leaned briefly away to press his lips on his. Keith’s heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t help himself but to kiss him back, fully aware that this was about to be their last kiss that stemmed from Lance being overwhelmed and probably having forgotten about their break-up.

When Lance pulled back, he stared at him with wide and teary eyes. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, suddenly becoming conscious of his action, “I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s okay, Lance,” Keith said quietly and gently cupped his chin before getting up to hug him again and then the others.

Nothing was okay but Keith was beyond grateful for one last kiss he would treasure forever.

~~

It had already been late that day when he’d gotten out of the healing pod so except for long hugs from everyone and dinner nothing else happened. and soon he was back in his room. According to Allura, Shiro was on his way back which took longer than expected. She hadn’t told him how bad Keith’s condition had been but he could probably tell by Allura’s emotions. 

He was looking forward to Shiro being back. Piloting Black next to Lance would probably be difficult for the foreseeable future, forming Voltron even more with their emotional baggage. Maybe he would take some time off and leave for the Blade…

A knock on his door disrupted his thoughts.

“Yeah?” he said and Lance’s head appeared in the doorframe. 

“Can we talk?”

Keith’s body went from hot to cold and back within seconds. He dreaded the upcoming conversation since he got out of the pod but it was inevitable. Bleakly, he nodded and Lance entered his room. 

Flashbacks to Lance entering his room the day they had received their soulmarks filled his mind. How different things had been back then.

The silence between them was thick when Lance walked up to Keith’s bed and sat down next to him albeit he made sure not to touch him. He put his right hand on his thigh for Keith to see.

KEITH. Just a name.

Hesitantly, Keith did the same with his left hand.

LANCE. With a heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lance asked quietly. “About this?” He pointed at the heart next to his name on Keith’s hand. “You promised to tell me when anything changes.”

Keith nodded. “I-- I never broke that promise.”

A pause.

“I don’t understand.”

“Lance, see. The heart-- it was there all along. Right from the beginning.”

Lance’s breath hitched. “Are you messing with me?” he asked with a shaky voice and Keith wondered how much effort it took for Lance to keep calm right now.

“No, Lance, I’m not.” Keith leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his head hidden in his hands. “I’m not messing with you.”

“And does it mean what I think it means?”

Keith sighed, only daring to glance briefly at Lance. “It means… that I love you.”

“I love you, too, Keith.”

Keith shook his head and Lance’s words away. “We mean something else to each other. And we have to accept that. As Coran said, this will be a hard time for both of us but we’ll manage. I hope so.”

He felt the touch of a hand on his back. “Did you hear my last few words in Red?”

Keith nodded. How could he forget Lance’s declaration of love as his last wish. “It was an intense situation. You can take it back.”

“Keith. I’m too tired to fight with you.”

“Then let’s not fight. Let’s just accept it.”

“Accept what exactly?”

“We have a mismatched bond. We want different things out of this relationship.”

“Like? Please, humor me, Kogane, what different things do we want?” Keith didn’t miss the bite in Lance’s voice. 

“I love you and you don’t love me.”

“Keith, are you listening to me? I love you.”

“I-- I’m not what you want.”

“You make the truth of my love dependent on a stupid little heart written in some magical ink that suddenly appeared on my skin and that knows nothing, absolutely _nothing_ about how I feel?” Keith said nothing, Lance just got more upset. “You rather trust some magical ink than my words and my feeling? Fuck, man. That hurts.”

It was hard to ignore the tears in Lance’s eyes.

“It’s not ink, it’s a mark. I’m just-- I want you to be happy. And you won’t get that with me. This is the best… for both of us.”

“Are you serious?? Do you hear yourself?? I’m here, in your room, telling you that I’m in love with you--” Keith startled when Lance took his hands into his, holding them firmly, his eyes staring unyielding into Keith’s, “-- I love you, Keith Kogane, I love you. This is no little crush anymore, this is how I feel. I’ve never loved like that before but now I know. I love you.”

“That’s too early to say.” Keith was grasping at straws at this point and was painfully aware of that sad fact but Lance had to understand, he had to. They both had to come to terms with their uneven bond and the sooner Lance accepted it, the sooner they could move on. Hopefully.

Lance huffed and shook his head, the anger in his voice evident. “Oh wow, you are allowed to say it because a tattoo gives you authority to love me but I have to wait or whatever? We’re in fucking space, Keith, in an intergalactic war. You almost died, I almost died. Let me tell people that I love them if I feel that way. Screw waiting for a more appropriate moment, whatever you think that should be. I love you, in this moment, and that’s what matters. Doesn’t it?”

Everything felt far away for Keith. Lance kept talking but Keith couldn’t respond, he didn’t know what else to say except to repeat his words over and over again: That it couldn’t be true. That Lance didn’t love him. At one point, Lance had begun pacing the room, leaving Keith sitting alone on the bed.

“God, I hate fighting with you so much. I don’t want to have to fight with you to be close to you when I know you want the same as I do. I just wanna be with you, Keith. Do stupid shit together, warm your feet at night and kiss you by day, all the things. I know you’re scared, I felt it. And you told me back on Etorio.”

Keith pressed his lips together and shut his eyes. Right. He had opened up to Lance. Why did he do that again? Hi, by the way, Keith had severe abandonment issues.

“After you broke up with me… that night before the battle… I couldn’t sleep. And I told myself we were gonna talk about it again in the morning, just as you said, and-- I promised myself to leave you be. I know you said you push people away and need someone to chase after you but honestly, maybe you just-- don’t want that. Not right now. But then…”

Lance stopped in his tracks and took a step towards Keith again. “When I thought I was about to die… “

“You said you loved me. You said you wished me to accept it.”

Lance nodded. Another step forward.

“And when I thought you were about to die… do you remember what you said to me?”

Keith remembered. 

“I said I didn’t want to push you away.”

Another step. Lance held out his hand to Keith.

“Then don’t.”

Finally, Keith’s mask broke down and the first tear rolled down his cheek.

“You’re so stubborn.”

“Yeah because I love you,” Lance chuckled wetly. “I love you, I love you,” he kept saying, holding him, crying just like the boy in his arms. “Please, let me love you. Allow me to love you. Just for one night, okay? And then we'll see.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Lance hiccuped in tears, his eyes sparkling with hope. Keith nodded again. His hands found Lance’s face and cupped his chin. Tears made the blue eyes appear even bluer. Lance was even pretty when he cried… but he didn’t want him to cry anymore.

“Okay.” 

For one night, his mind added.  
  
~~

“You saved me,” Lance whispered and snuggled against Keith’s chest in the dimly-lit room.

“Of course.”

Lance’s face appeared in Keith’s vision as the pouty Paladin pushed himself up. “Don’t say it like it was nothing! You almost died. Because of me.”

Gently, Keith patted Lance’s head, his hand lingering a bit longer than necessary and half his brain was lost in a nearby future when this moment was only a distant memory.

"I guess we're even now," Lance said smugly.

“How so?”

“Back on Etorio? When you said you were dying…?”

Keith's cheeks heated up. Right. He had said that. Lance chuckled and bumped his nose against Keith’s. “Even though dying and being horny are different things, I'll take that, Keith,” he laughed. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna persuade Hunk to bake you a 'you saved my life' pie or something. You like pie, right? Or we could--”

“Can we-- not talk about tomorrow? Please?”

“Oki.”

It didn’t take Lance long to fall asleep. Who could blame him? He’d been worried about Keith for the last two weeks, barely getting any sleep at all until he was able to lie in Keith’s arms again. 

Keith, on the other hand, couldn’t shut his eyes if his life depended on it. 

Keith had good access to his inner anger and rage. But staring at Lance’s hand, his name in turquoise letters, wondering why Lance didn’t love him back… he realized he wasn’t angry at him. How could the dark side of the moon be angry at the sun just because the sunrays never reached it? It wasn’t the sun’s fault, probably not even the moon’s fault. It was just how things were.

The words from the Lance in his healing pod dream appeared in his head.

_ ‘Come back when you don’t love me anymore.’ _

It was worth the shot, wasn’t it? For Lance to be happy.

The next day, Keith was gone.

Just a letter remained on Lance’s nightstand.

> Dear Lance,
> 
> Being loved by you is the best thing and I’m glad we had one night. I know it won’t last, it never did. I love you so much and that’s why I need to leave for a while, I’m joining the Blade for their next mission. So you have time to figure out your feelings and be happy. I’m sorry if I tricked you into thinking you loved me.
> 
> \- Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big sigh


	12. Say It Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"And I just wanna tell you  
It takes everything in me not to call you.  
And I wish I could run to you.  
And I hope you know that every time I don't  
I almost do."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you almost made it, that's the last chapter \o/ we all love a good time skip, don't we?

### Say It Back

_One month later. _

“I don’t even know if you watch these. Sometimes I think I only record them for myself. I miss you, Keith.”

Keith stared at the screen in the mission control room, his body slumped into a chair as he watched Lance lying on his bed, his communicator filming his face from where he held it up.

“Hunk made some cookies today, they were good. A bit hard though. Shiro says hi. He misses you a lot. We all do. Matt is still sorry about everything, like, he tells me on a daily basis. Whatever.” He shrugs. “I already told you everything about that and I’m tired. I don’t know why you’re still gone after we know what happened but I guess the mission took longer than expected. Shiro briefly talked to Kolivan last week and said it would be over soon. I… I don’t know if you wanna see me but if you don’t come home, I swear, I will find you and we’ll have a talk. Please? Then again, if you haven’t watched my videos - or the ones of the others - you still don’t know. Oh man. I’m gonna find you. I don’t know how but I will.”

Keith sighed. It was impossible to find this Blade outpost.

“I love you, Keith. I still do.”

The heart in his chest clenched. Lance kept saying these three words but… What did they mean without the matching heart? Even if it was true, he wouldn’t able to be happy with him. Same old, same old. 

Keith was still convinced it had been the right decision to leave Voltron for a while, even though it had been a spontaneous decision, spurred by a sudden feeling of anger that last night. He had looked at Lance’s hand, his unmatching mark, and rage had rushed through his body. Not directed at Lance but at the universe or whatever force had been responsible to screw up what they had-- or could have had. He refused to give the universe the satisfaction of his and Lance’s suffering with their mismatched bond so… he knew he needed to go.

After Keith had left for the Blade, his team had spammed the official Blade channel with video messages for him. Kolivan wasn’t amused - they only got one channel for important messages and private videos for a not even important Blade member shouldn’t be clocking it up. So Keith deleted them all without watching. He had made his decision and needed space to think about everything. And Lance needed space, too, Keith just knew it. 

He asked Kolivan to tell Voltron that he was well and that he was coming back after the next mission. Probably. Private communication devices weren’t allowed in case they got hacked. 

After two weeks, he snuck into the control room and checked incoming video messages. Messages got automatically deleted after a day but there was a new one, just been transmitted. It was from Lance, 5 minutes long. And all he did was talking about his day, more like a diary or a personal vlog, only he addressed Keith and told him about his day, keeping him in the loop.

Keith didn’t know what Lance had talked about in the last few weeks. Something had happened between him and Matt, obviously, because sometimes he mentioned him, but whatever it was, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Or, as Lance implied, had never mattered in the first place. Whatever that was about. 

Keith never replied. He couldn't, no matter how much his heart wanted to. It would only make things worse.

~~ 

_Two weeks later. _

Technically, this was Keith’s last day with the Blade. Their mission had ended a week ago and he was free to leave after all the debriefing had been over. 

Free to go back to Voltron.

He had postponed making a decision for weeks and now that the time was up, he wished to stop time. 

The thing was, he missed his friends at the Castle.

He fucking missed Lance.

But going back meant to confront his feelings. Maybe he just had to wait until Lance was over him. Found someone new, perhaps. But the boy was still sending him messages about how much he loved him.

He tried telling himself that Lance didn’t love him but Lance's constant messages had begun to make his mind open for other possibilities... What if the universe was the one being in the wrong? What if Lance's stubbornness was stronger than the soulmark? What if... their love overruled the mismatched bond? And what if all this was the case and Keith was too much of a coward to give them a chance? Maybe all he needed was a sign. A small sign for him to make the decision to go back to--

There was a knock on his door.

“Yeah?” Keith never got visitors in his little sleeping chamber so he expected the worst. The door opened and Regris appeared.

“There’s someone here to see you. Says he’s the current leader of Voltron and needs to talk to you. It’s some kind of diplomatic mission so Kolivan permitted him to land.”

Voltron? A diplomatic mission? What was Shiro doing here?

Regris took a step into the room and pushed him something small into his hand. “He told me to give you this.”

Keith’s eyes widened.

A twenty-dollar bill.

He bolted out of his room.

Someone was standing in the great hall, his back turned around to where Keith had emerged from. A Paladin, a black Paladin. Keith’s heart beat fast. It wasn’t Shiro.

“Who died and made you king?”

The Paladin turned around, the brightest smile on his face, his blue eyes sparkling with happiness.

“Well, there was this stubborn guy who almost died protecting me and then ran away so I guess Black became desperate.” He took a step towards him. “She responds well to me yelling Yeehaa. Must be conditioned to do so.” Lance pointed at the black armor he’s wearing. “How do I look?”

“Tolerable.” God, he looked good. Keith had never felt prouder. “How did you find the station?”

“Black led me here after some persuasion. I had to explain to her the situation at hand.”

“And why are you here?”

“You know why.” Lance waited. “I know your mission is over since last week. Can we talk?”

“Voltron business?”

The smile on Lance’s face vanished. He shot Keith a long look, then nodded. “Of course.” It was a lie but Keith accepted it, waving into the direction of his room for Lance to follow him.

The door closed and Lance sat down on the small bed.

“So, you left. Care to elaborate on your reasons?”

“There’s really not much more to say, Lance… ”

“Oh, we haven’t even begun saying things, Keith.” He paused. “Did you get our video messages? Did you get Matt’s?” Keith wrinkled his brows. Matt? Why Matt? “Oh, come on, you didn’t?” Lance breathed. 

“I watched your videos but only after a few weeks, the older ones are gone,” Keith explained. “I needed some time and distance. But… I liked listening to you, just telling me about things that happened at the Castle.” Keith smiled softly.

“Did Matt ever try to contact you? Not while you’re here but before?”

“Why are you so obsessed with Matt?”

“Humor me.”

“No.” Keith paused. “Well, yeah, shortly before we went down to Etorio.”

“What did he say?”

“Um, I can’t really remember. Oh, the line was terrible, I was basically only talking to him and barely understood a single word. He asked about you, too. It was weird but I thought he must have heard from Allura about our bond. Shiro was probably upset about it and Matt had to deal with him. I told him it was fine and we figured it out, our fight and all. Hang on,” he interrupted himself, having a suspicious feeling, “who pilots Red when you’re in Black?”

Lance snorted. “Not that it’s important right now but Matt. Though Voltron runs smoother when Shiro’s piloting Black with Matt in Red. I can’t handle two Holts yet. We don’t understand why Black lets me pilot her but… I think it’s because of you. You basically told her that I was about to pilot her. Also, she’s the only one who was able to track you down. Well, Red helped.”

“Wait. You’re here with--”

“Black and Red, yeah.”

“You stole two lions to find me? That’s reckless, Lance.”

“Someone once told me to look at the bigger picture. Don’t look so shocked, I left a note, just like you did.”

“What did it say?”

“Brb, tracking down the one I love to tell him how much he means to him and trying to persuade him to come back because I miss him so much.”

“Wow.” Keith found Lance's eyes. There was still hurt in them but also something... soft. Almost something like understanding. That was new. "I can't believe you're here. I pushed you away again and you literally chased after me. I am the worst, Lance. I-- I did a lot of thinking, you know? About our bond and my feelings and, well, your feelings and how--" Keith took a deep breath. "It didn't change for me. And apparently neither did it for you. And I wished there was a way and maybe.. I mean... I don't know if it will work but I am willing to-- no. Actually, I want to try--"

“I wasn't finished talking about Matt.”

Keith stared at Lance with wide eyes. "Excuse me?”

“I know what you're trying to say but it wouldn't be fair if you didn't know all the details," Lance continued. "Matt thought he had cleared it up and you telling him we both were fine only proved it to him. During their missions, the rebels are only connected to the leader of Voltron for safety reasons. Which is you. So he couldn’t even reach out to his sister.”

“I know but I don’t understand.”

“Remember when you slapped me?”

“Well, I remember it as the moment you told me you want to see me naked pinned down under you.”

Lance’s face flushed. “Fair enough.” He worried his lips before he continued. “Matt was there and he hated it that we didn’t apologize sincerely. He was pissed that we didn’t even tell them what… has been said.”

“Yeah, I know. So? Can you get to the point, Lance?”

“The point is and always was that I love you.”

“Lance--”

“You don’t get to _ Lance _me any longer. Because… now I am the one who has to ask you what you feel about me. Please, be honest."

“You know what I feel," Keith said and held up his right hand for Lance to see. 

"No," Lance said softly and grabbed Keith's hand only to put it down and out of their field of vision. "Don't look. Just feel. And tell me."

Lance was eerily serious and Keith didn't know what to make of it. So he did the thing he wanted to do for some time now. Gently, he cupped Lance's chin with his unmarked right hand, a finger briefly touching his lips.

“I love you, Lance, I love you so much."

Lance smiled and leaned into the touch. 

“And you know what? I believe you.” He put a hand on Keith’s thigh. “I love you, Keith. And it took me some time but I finally understood why you didn't believe me. And it broke my heart but I get it... after everything Coran had told you and that Etorio Elder, I get it."

“Actually…”

“What?”

“I thought about you a lot. And… us. And maybe I made a mistake in-- in not believing you. Maybe the universe doesn’t-- doesn’t know us well enough. Maybe it’s like you said the first day with Coran and Allura.”

“What did I say?”

“That it’s a mistake.”

“It's a mistake that we have a soulbond?”

“No, it's a mistake that we have a _mismatched_ soulbond. Maybe the universe is just _wrong_ here. I mean, I don't know but it could be possible... or not?”

“You know, you saying this makes me stupid happy.” Lance held out his gloved right hand. “You put on my glove so I thought it was only fair if you were the one to remove it.” Lance paused. “Promise me you won’t freak out. Because after that, I have to tell you something else which might… change things for you.”

“For good or bad?”

“That’s up to you.”

Slowly, Keith pulled off the glove he’d given Lance over three months ago. 

K

E

I

T

H 

♥ 

Turquoise letters and a heart in the same color, little gold particles sparkling. His name and a heart on Lance’s hand, just the same as on Keith’s hand.

For a moment, time stood still.

“What? When?”

“The When is not important, Keith. But the heart is. Because that’s exactly how I feel. I’m in love with you, Keith. A month ago just as much as I am now. We don’t have a mismatched bond. Actually, we never had. Not one second.”

“But… how? The Findupha, it was over. The bond was final.”

“You’re so stupid,“ Lance grinned. ”But so am I.”

“You-- that’s a heart. But how--”

“Later.” He scooted closer. “Keith. I love you. Gosh, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying it. There’s something you need to know. And this time I’m the scared one.”

“Scared?”

"I have to get it out real quick.” He took a deep breath. “It’s ink, Keith. It’s fucking magical ink. Fake.”

What.

Keith furrowed his brows."I don’t understand.”

Lance took his hand and squeezed it gently.

“The marks, they’re not real.”

“But--”

“Which brings us back to Matt,” Lance interrupted him. “He was so annoyed by our fights that he wrote the names on our hand the night he left with Shiro. He knew that it was soulmark ink people used when they wanted to fake one, he knew Allura and Coran would make a big deal out of it. But he also thought they would notice they’re fake but when Shiro received Allura's excited message about our bond, Matt contacted you to clear things up.”

“Oh. And he thought we already had realized it was fake and were back to normal.” What a mess, Keith thought. Now the reaction from the Etorio Elder made much more sense: they were the only one to realize it was fake... but had played along because it had been the only way for their people to support Voltron. 

“But-- the heart?” Keith wondered.

“He got to me first that night," Lance said and rolled his eyes. "He only got the idea with the heart when he was with you.”

“So it was--"

“Absolutely random and a prank.”

“We’re not soulmates?” 

We’re not meant to be together? Keith wanted to add.

“By Altean standards? No. But by Earth’s standards? Yes. Very much.” A frown appeared on Lance's face. “Unless… you thought you had to love me. If you felt forced to then--”

“Shut up.”

Cautiously but with determination, Keith took Lance’s face in his hands and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. Lance smiled into the kiss and put his hands on top of Keith’s.

“You love me,” Keith breathed. “You really do.” The realization hit him hard and something in his heart broke away but it was a good break, a necessary break that made room for new feelings.

Lance’s face lit up as if Keith had just learned a new word. “Yes!” He put his hands on Keith’s cheek. “I do,” he chuckled quietly. “So very much.”

Keith nudged his nose against Lance’s. “Say it back. You have to say it back.”

Lance leaned forward until Keith felt his hot breath on his ear. “And you love me.”

“I do. I really do.” Keith ran his hand gently through Lance’s hair. “So this is it. No soulbond. Just us.”

“Well, I can think of one or two bonding moments. And_ just us _ sounds pretty good to me. Although I kind of looked forward to Allura throwing a soulmate ceremony for us. You think she’d still do it?”

“I don’t think that’s appropriate since it’s her culture and all.”

“I’m gonna talk to her,” Lance grinned.

There was a brief silence between them.

“All this time I was… wow, I was so worried, Lance. I thought you could never love me.”

“I know. We talked about that before you left.”

“I know but… I still wasn’t convinced.”

“I could tell… the morning after.”

“I’m sorry for not believing you. And I’m sorry for running away.”

“It was messed up. It’s okay for now. But… we need to talk about you not believing me when I said I love you... and that pushing away. That hurts, Keith, and a part of me is still angry at you even though I understand you. But we’ll figure it out, okay? And talk about that stuff, I mean, if you want to.”

“We will and I want to."

“Kolivan said your mission is over now… Come back home with me?”

“Stay the night?” Keith asked and Lance replied with an exaggerated eye wiggle. Keith dialed down in an instance. “No, I mean, we can talk about… stuff and you can-- update me on everything that happened and--”

Lance leaned forward, his lips searching for Keith’s mouth and his hands pushing him down on his back. “I’m gonna update you, alright… Oh, I have plenty of updates for you,” Lance mumbled.

"Lay it on me, Your Majesty."

"Oh, I like that... by the way... I stole something from the drawer on Etorio..."

**Author's Note:**

> yooo and that's a wrap!  
tbh there used to be some half-assed epilogue but i cut it. just to let you know: 
> 
> the next day, keith and lance fly back to the castle. keith takes red and lance takes black, begging keith to yell YEEHAW along with him (and keith indulges him, lance is over the MOON). matt apologizes to keith by baking him a cake with the help from hunk. shiro and keith finally see each other again and hug, gosh, they were separated for a long time, it hurt my heart. also, there's indeed some special space soap to remove the mark... what they decide to do. it's not polite to walk around with a fake soulmark since it's an important part of the altean's culture. but before that happens, allura throws a "keith is back" party which kinda turns into a "keith and lance are together" party because allura just cannot help herself :D they all need some happiness up there in space anyway. pidge says it would be nice if they all had a little voltron tattoo and coran's eyes shine brightly at that idea... only the author wonders if that resembles too much the elvish tattoo the cast of the lord of the rings got after the shooting of the movies was done so... the reader can decide if the voltron gang uses the fake soulmark ink again for that purpose or not... :)
> 
> \---
> 
> i wanna apologize to all the people on twitter, in several discord servers, and in coffee shops who had to witness my breakdowns during my writing process and my minor freakout when i got bitten by two horse-flies (or by one horse-fly twice!?) in our latest coffee-shop-writing-session (it fucking hurt!!). this fic and i have a rough relationship because i wrote it during a time when i didn't actually have the capacity to write _at all_ but i pushed through anyway because writing fanfiction slowly but steady taught me how to finish things... i doesn't always work though but this time, it did :)
> 
> i'm always happy about comments/kudos!!  
(even though i'm actually a bit anxious cause i'm not quite satisfied with the fic and only see the flaws, sigh...)
> 
> wow this is a long note, sorry. you can find me on twitter @localb-- i'm kidding, sorry, insider, [@worstmission](https://www.twitter.com/worstmission) or [@worstmission or on tumblr ](https://www.worstmissionever.tumblr.com). (i'm not very active there but you can also find me in some voltron discord servers, whoop, i hang out there a lot)
> 
> Good night! :)


End file.
